ROCD and moving

Hi, I also have ROCD and can relate to feeling uncertain about my partner a lot of times. I also experienced this same irritation you’re talking about coming up around mention of moving in together. I just want to say that you’re in control and trust the facts of what you know to be true and real. And if you’re still figuring things out that’s okay too. Be patient and kind to yourself.

Hi! Here's my perspective that I hope can bring some insight. 💡 From sources I've come across and current/past experiences I've had I would say high levels of stress, big life events (such as moving), or changes in environment (going to another state) can really spike OCD (or rOCD) in this case. Transparently speaking, I think change in general for everyone can be scary, hard, and sometimes overwhelming. We become more irritable with things such as "Why didn't you pick up the tape from the store?!", "Why didn't you throw this out?", or "What do you mean THIS box!?" (Not saying these are you, just examples.) And then suddenly an argument occurs, which arguing leads to OCD "monsters" to create doubts, intrusive thoughts, and even spiraling to try and tear you down in your anger or disputes with your partner. While I cannot directly address or be considered a right answer on the topic of breaking up with him because of the complexity of the situation, I would suggest assessing any compulsions or urges based around your ROCD. From a friendly community member perspective that struggles with rOCD daily, I would say these sound to me as moving stresses that are creating doubt. Arguments will only fuel doubts because frankly, who likes arguing? It can make us feel isolated and pushed away from our partner, even though deep down we know we're still wanting to wake up next to them the next day. Consider the fact that in previous conversations you two may have shared excitement over moving due to new possibilities. As time gets closer to move, it's natural to have the dangers of "What if... 🤔" I'd imagine anyone, regardless of having OCD or not, would have doubts around moving. After all, you've built a life or had stayed in this one place for a period of time. It means something. Arguments are bound to happen when moving 🙂. It's natural. My therapist would likely say "Maybe, maybe not" to a good portion of the "What if" spirals. If these are "What if..." Thoughts then remember they shouldn't reasoned with because our OCD craves 100% certainty and that's something we just simply can't do. You can do it. You're not alone. YOU got this!