Upset with myself and frustrated to the point I felt like punching myself. Why isn't there someone to talk to when life shits in your corn flakes? Why not have support for someone so they don't have to spiral to this point. I haven't had this level of frustration since before reaching out to find a therapist. Why do I have to feel like that again?
866-903-3787 is a crisis holiness for ocd
*hotline
Please dial 988
I'm not threatening my life yet, so I had to free up the phone line until things get that bad. It's just been a really frustrating day and I had a really hard time earlier and just wanted someone to tell me it's ok to throw food out in order to start moving forward. I felt like I had no one to talk to and my frustration has been building all night. I'm just so tired of everything being difficult.
@Despair @Despair I’m sorry you’re suffering like this. Unfortunately, your therapist is not going to give you reassurance. When you are ruminating and worrying, try to divert your attention to something more productive. There are also member advocates in the app when therapists aren’t available, but I don’t know their hours.
@Cat21 It's ok that my therapist isn't available, I just needed to talk to anyone. I couldn't throw out the food until I could hear it was ok to do that. I just didn't want to get so frustrated that I needed to contact crisis help. The last time I felt like punching myself, it scared me into seeking help. I don't want to have things going in this direction, and I faced a trigger that we haven't addressed yet, and I just needed some simple hand holding. But now I feel really lousy and feeling like I've lost progress.
@Cat21 I still feel upset though too. I'm upset about losing time and progress tonight. And I couldn't just move my attention because I needed to address the issue with my pizza. When I explained the situation to the crisis help person, they agreed that it was right to throw the food out, and that started to help me get unstuck, but I lost a lot tonight.
@Despair You cant lose progress if you’ve made improvements and gained skills. We all go through stepbacks. Recovery isn’t linear. I know it’s tough, but utilize the skills you have obtained so far until you can reach out to your therapist tomorrow. Hoping you find some relief. Take care
@Cat21 Thank you. I work so hard to have a smidge of being functional, and then all that hard work is wiped out when things fall apart. I'm trying, but I'm frustrated to go into tomorrow in a hole. And I get really down on myself when I get stuck and can't find a solution.
tw . . . . . . I don't want to trigger anyone, so please be warned before reading. I'm feeling pretty hopeless. I don't know if I deserve... anything. I've had two therapists now tell me I'm normal and I don't need to worry so much, but I find it hard to believe them. Just when I think I'm doing okay, thoughts flood back in. I feel like the world is better off without me in it and that others would agree if they weren't a paid therapist there to give me reassurance. I'm tempted to break up with my boyfriend because he doesn't deserve this. I want to pretend I'm okay for the sake of my parents. But if they passed away, I'm not sure I'd have much strength to live for myself. This feeling is pretty bad right now. Overwhelming. I have absolutely no love for myself. I can't even distract myself by watching TV or shows I love, because all I can think is, "Look at those people. They deserve to live and be happy, and I'm not one of them." Gah, this is bad. I'm an adult, and I feel like such a baby for feeling this way. How dramatic am I? How can other people have similar (if not worse) thoughts than me, and then still be ok with themselves? I miss the person I used to be. I miss feeling okay. I feel ok momentarily, but then it all comes crashing down. I can't stand it. All I want is for things to go back to how they used to be.
I might call. Things haven’t gotten better since my last post. No I’m not going to hurt myself, I just need to speak to someone who won’t talk over me or tell me to take it to god or tell me “that’s just life”. Does anyone know where you can get a hug if you don’t live near anyone that’s a friend? That’s so pathetic but I literally just want a hug.
I genuinely can't help but feel irredeemable over every little mistake made or regret I've had. It's so up and down, but I just miss the certainty. Knowing "this is who I am." I'm so disconnected from myself. Like, I'm really, really trying. Today is really rough... I got triggered the other night, and it's been hell since. I've been fighting seeking reassurance. I want it so, so incredibly bad, but I know it won't help me :( Some days, I just don't want to be here. It's funny because yesterday I felt amazing until I got triggered. I just immediately spiraled after that. I don't know. Does it genuinely get better? Will therapy really help me? Sometimes, I think maybe this is the best it'll get, and that scares me. Sorry for the vent. I'm just feeling so overwhelmingly anxious right now. I can't even cry (due to Zoloft). It feels claustrophobic somehow, having all these emotions trapped inside of my body with nowhere to go 😭
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