I’m sorry

To say the last few days have been rough would be an understatement. There are things on my mind that has genuinely driven me insane, and I don’t know how to deal properly. Idk how to deal with having such thoughts and/or the feelings that come with them. It feels like it’s gone way too far and all I wanna do is wipe my mind clean and just restart my life but I can’t. I’ve spent the last few days feeling like I have to accept something horrible about myself, and at times it still feels like I should. It feels so much easier to just accept my fate as some fucked up child predator than to just say it’s ocd cause that’s just too..easy and simple. It’s hard to make sense that it’s OCD cause of everything in me that’s telling me otherwise. I keep repeating how much I don’t want these things but I don’t feel that reassured and at times it just feels like I’m lying, leaving me not knowing if I really want these things. I can never just NOT think and I hate it. Anyways, I know a lot of you deal with the same things as I do (i guess) and have been here to help me and calm me down and it’s appreciated. But I am sorry that you all have to see how bad it gets. Really hoping the next few days will be easier.

AaronB1111

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

As someone who has experienced nearly all sub-types of OCD, trust me, I can fully relate to this post! But just know this, OCD targets what you love and value because it knows that will get to you! If OCD started bringing up thoughts about carrots and onions (random I know😂) and you couldn’t stop thinking about them, they wouldn’t bother or distress you would they. OCD latches onto our values and makes us doubt ourselves (this is why it’s called the DOUBTING DISORDER) The first thing I am gonna remind you of, is that thoughts are meaningless. We have no control over what thoughts pop into our mind, it is literally scientifically proven that we do not have 100% control over our mind. The fact that these thoughts are causing you to stress, worry, and attempt to reassure yourself already proves one thing. These are unwanted intrusive thoughts. Unwanted intrusive thoughts are the OPPOSITE of what you want to think about. They are the OPPOSITE of your values, beliefs, character, and who you truly are! OCD is a cheeky manipulative liar. It will do anything to keep you in their cycle. You just have to know that you can’t even give it a second of attention. This is something that I found really hard at the beginning of recovery, but now, I am living a life where I know how OCD works and whenever it tries to manipulate me, I use non engagement responses. To recover from OCD, there are 3 main things I would say you need to put into practice straight away. They are scary, honestly, I was shit scared when I started this, but it honestly will help relieve your distress and worries: 1.Radical Acceptance - this DOES NOT mean you agree or like the content, this DOES mean that you accept that we are humans who have random disturbing thoughts pop into our mind. 2. Tolerating Uncertainty - No one can be 100% certain in life about anything, trying to seek 100% certainty is actually more distressing than just accepting that uncertainty is a natural part of life and that we will be okay not knowing. 3. Non Engagement response - instead of trying to reassure yourself by doing compulsions, asking other, ruminating etc. You HAVE TO learn how to respond to OCD by not engaging or getting entangled with it. Here are some non-engagement examples I use: 1. Nice try OCD, you tried this trick before but I will not let you trick me now. 2.thank you so much OCD for reminding me what my values are! 3.i can handle the discomfort and uncertainty 4. Thoughts and feelings are not facts 5. Nice try ocd, but I will not let you control me anymore Hope this helped mate!

mikefried3

Date posted: 1y

Hang in there, brother. Sometimes OCD can hit really hard but it will get better!

monte333

Date posted: 24w

Back to struggling

I posted yesterday that I was feeling better than usual, now I’m not. I knew it could happen that I start to feel bad again. I’ve been feeling like this is the worst it’s been so far but that can’t be true because nothing has changed I’m always afraid of doing something bad, have done something bad, or are capable of doing something bad. I posted a TW on this post just in case. My main thing is I’m afraid of being a certain kind of bad person. I won’t mention it I know people will understand probably who I mean. I know it’s an OCD type, and I’ve been looking up different instances of people with this same subtype and sometimes I find someone in my same situation and I feel relief, for a moment at least. But then I think I might be different. I’m seeing my therapist Friday, and I’m always nervous talking to them because I want to not sound like I’m crazy. Sometimes I’m like you must’ve done something bad to feel this way or, you’re a bad person and should feel bad. There’s so much I wish I could do to help with this. I fall back into a spiral anytime I feel better because I feel like why would I feel good now if I wasn’t before. Sorry for the rant everyone. I just feel bad now and I’m worried I’ll never feel normal again. Hopefully someone else has felt or feels the same. I want to not feel like this, I wish I could go back to when I was young and undiagnosed to get the correct diagnosis early. I feel like my meds aren’t helping anymore which is concerning because like my anxiety should be gone right? Idk, and idk why I have felt really good recently but now after spiraling I’m back at it. Sometimes I’m worried it’s not ocd even though I have plenty of signs AND was officially diagnosed. Again sorry for the long post, just needed to air out how I felt

samlovesjesus

Date posted: 21w

rough few weeks

man these few weeks have been so hard. i’m in the process of getting diagnosed with ocd, im almost positive i have it because everything on here relates to me on an insane level. but im just so scared dude. these thoughts of me harming someone are so scary and im so scared im gonna eventually act on them and i know i never want to but its still so scary. like sometimes when i talk to my mom about it i think in the back of my head “you know you want to” when i dont, and it makes me think or gets me scared that i do. these thoughts literally just happened out of nowhere and it messes me up so bad my literal perspective on life in general is just messed up. like i view life as its more common to be a bad person and its rare/hard to be good. can someone please just pray for me or just wish me better days. i dont even like looking at myself anymore and im scared i give off creepy vibes to myself or others now, this sucks so much

BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w

Life kinda just sucks right now 18+ only

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

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