Am I the only one?

Hello! This is my second post today, so I wanted to ask about something. I’m someone who has a group of friends everyone is so nice of course but sometimes it gets so toxic (here are some important details: we are 8, and 3 of my friends talked to me privately because I did something wrong, I mean I was really doing bad mentally and struggled with depression and they didn’t like the fact that I distanced myself, of course I apologized and now I’m more careful and is trying to do my best to act in better ways). Well right now it’s been more then a year that I’ve felt like an outsider with them, not because they excluded me no, but because I’m faking my personality with them, always trying to be perfect, analyzing every word they say to me, I can’t even be happy with them, one time they talked in front how my boyfriend wasn’t their type and of course he’s my everything and he’s so handsome and I obviously defended him but everyone agreed that I was in the wrong, I try my best really but overthinking every detail about 8 different person to see if I did something wrong or not is so tiring, I feel like they all hate me, I just can’t anymore. Thank you for reading this, if you have any tips it would be really helpful (ps: English is my third language please dont mind the mistakes)