Struggling

I feel like I can’t have a single day of peace. When I get a thought, I automatically think that I thought that thought on purpose and it must mean something. Or I will think something and I will panic and think “what if because I was thinking about that thought it must be real and I want it?”. I have a bad compulsion of confessing to my partner and I feel like not only do I confess my thoughts, but I also admit to things that I don’t even believe or have thought about. For example, I will have a distressing thought about my ex. I will then confess to partner “i thought about them, I know I had that thought but I don’t want them”. Sometimes I confess that I thought about them on purpose, but its my OCD that puts meaning behind it. My brain can’t seem to comprehend that just because i have a thought that means it means I want that thought. And I always have to confess that I thought about my thoughts on purpose. I’m not sure why I think this way. I feel like such a terrible partner and I feel undeserving of them. They are very understanding but I know it hurts them. I know i love them so much but I feel like I need to confess and admit to being guilty or it will eat me up inside. I know that when I have these thoughts I dont want them, but I always feel like I need to confess or I’m “hiding/lying”.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

I had to double check the username because I thought I wrote this. I’m going through the exact same thing. The confessing feels almost uncontrollable at times but I’ve been able to control that compulsion a bit better. It’s taken a few weeks but my partner and I came to the conclusion that using him as a compulsion was definitely got gonna work out for us. I’ve been learning to sit with the uncertainty and I find myself not panicking as much on clearer days. I find there are days much worse than others with my OCD and the days I don’t I’m able to thing a bit more rationally. I’m sorry you’re going through this because guilt is an awful feeling it makes your stomach hurt and it makes me personally not eat for a while. I hope you get through this I believe in you!

chickenmomma

Date posted: 23w

I struggle with confessing

This is my first post & I’m terrified. I have not been officially diagnosed w ocd yet but in a nutshell - I confessed some things I felt guilty about to my husband about five months ago. ( nothing too major ) but in our past, 20+ years ago I was unfaithful and it caused a LOT of harm, which I told him all of that back when it happened. But in recent months, I started getting consumed by guilt. I couldnt eat or sleep until I finally broke one night and told him all these recent little things I felt guilty about. Acting flirty, etc. And for him it like brought back allll the trauma from 20 years ago which I didn’t know would happen. But it’s so bad. He says he wishes I never told him. But even w that, I still feel like I keep thinking of “new things “ I did in the past, thoughts I had or dreams, or conversation w an ex,things like that. Because I am a Christian I also keep feeling like it’s the Holy Spirit telling me I haven’t told him everything and I need to. But I also know God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear .. I clearly need help, but I also want Christian based help so that it’s in line w what I believe ? I can’t eat and my anxiety is so bad again - I know if I confess more things it will keep destroying him, I don’t think he really understands or believes I have ocd. Thanks if you made it this far

DannyO507

Date posted: 13w

I need help dealing with this

I have been really really struggling for the past 3 months and haven’t been able to stop intrusive thoughts/ rumination and confessing. It’s making me question my entire life, my relationship and even who I am as a person. It’s mainly effecting my relationship, I am so afraid that I did something or think things that are definitely hurtful to my partner. I know my brain is contorting my own memory and making things seem so much worse. I also know I haven’t done anything bad, all my things I’ve confessed about have been considered “normal” and I’ve been told that “you’re normal, you didn’t do anything wrong”. But I have felt this intense sense of guilt and shame and it doesn’t go away, I can’t even be a normal person anymore. And I keep searching for “just one more thing I need to tell” and I don’t want to keep searching my brain of every time I’ve said or done anything that I can distort and make seem 1000% worse. I’m isolating myself and just feel like I’m a bad person. I keep confessing my thoughts, feeling, urges, etc. to my partner and while I know I would never do any of these I feel like my ocd is trying to convince me that maybe I would because “why else would you think it or feel guilty” and that makes it so much worse. I really need guidance on how to handle this. What do I do to stop feeling like this and heal?

Lillo2000

Date posted: 12w

Confession compulsion

I’ve been feeling the compulsion of confession again. I hate confessing things to my boyfriend I don’t want him to carry the burden. I’d rather hurt than him hurt. But I feel I did something wrong and he needs to know. Like I need to be punished or something. I may be over reacting to it but I just feel guilty and I had a panic attack when I woke up yesterday. I would never cheat on him. Just making guys laugh I feel like I am doing him wrong or flirting. And then when I notice it I just feel awful. I just want to be liked and noticed not romantically but just as a human. I don’t know why I act like this and feel the need to tell him as if I slept with someone. I think it’s attacking my biggest fear which is losing him. Does anyone have experience with this?

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