Hey there! Thanks for sharing your concerns about your friendship issues. It sounds super emotionally draining and challenging.
You and your friend have different ways of dealing with problems. Their behavior during conversations has left you feeling invalidated and disrespected, even though you've tried to be empathetic.
I agree with justgettingthroughthis and Wolfram, so what I'm about to say is really just adding to that.
My advice would be to have an open and honest conversation with your friend. Explain how their words and actions have impacted you, and emphasize that you're not looking to place blame, but rather to find a resolution that works for both of you. Make it clear that you value their friendship, but that you need to set some boundaries to protect your own emotional well-being.
Suggest taking turns listening to each other without interruption, and encourage them to be more mindful of the space they're taking up in the conversation. Remind them that you're both entitled to your own perspectives and struggles, and that validating each other's experiences is essential for a healthy friendship.
Potential script: ""Hey, [friend's name]. I've noticed some issues in our conversations lately. I feel like you've been dominating our talks and minimizing my struggles. I think it's important for us to validate each other's experiences. Can you try to be more mindful of this? I'm happy to give examples of more supportive responses. I really value our friendship."
If, after trying this approach, your friend is unwilling to make changes or continues to act in a way that is detrimental to your emotional well-being, then it may be time to reevaluate the friendship. Your own self-care and boundaries should be a priority.
They'll either learn the lesson or they won't, and it won't be on a schedule or a single second before they're ready.
It really sucks sometimes. I've cut short one lifelong friendship because of just this very toxicity. She wasn't willing to even acknowledge that she was hurting me, let alone stop, so I had to do what I had to do.
In fairness, I wouldn't have been able to cut ties with her as easily had I not already started branching out into the world and finding (by SHEER luck, I promise you) other engaging and lifelong friends. If she is your main social support right now, maybe a better strategy would be to expect to have the conversation more than once, and to go into it knowing that it might not change anything (and perhaps more importantly, that her inability to understand has absolutely nothing to do with how much she values you or anything you have or haven't done). In the meantime, shore up the other areas of your life, especially your social circle. It's not easy, I tell you that much, but it's really the way out.
Remember, you're not alone in dealing with this. I hope you find a solution that works for both of you. Take care.
