Infatuation

Friends here with ROCD- I haven’t ever been in a serious relationship, the last time I “dated” was 8 years ago, and I don’t really think I know what it actually looks like to like someone. I’ve recognized a certain cycle that’s happened probably 20 times in my life but didn’t realize how unhealthy it was until this year. This is the cycle: I find a guy somewhat attractive, he either says something or does something small (normal, not out of the ordinary?), my brain takes this little thing(s) and obsesses over it & turns it into this huge deal where I keep thinking about him, stalking his social media, making me compulsive (googling things, asking friends for advice, etc), and making me believe I really like this guy. This has happened twice in the last 3 months. Does this happen to anyone else?! How do you break the cycle, etc? When I’m in the obsession phase, it literally lasts for a week and sometimes makes me physically sick from the stress. Help!

How to tell the difference between normal relationship doubts and ROCD? Im going on a rant now: I have avoided relationships for the most part over the last 10 years. as soon as I get past the 2nd or 3rd date I feel like if I dont know that they have the potential to be “the one” then I worry constantly about wasting my life and theirs. I had 2 relationships that lasted about 3 months but the whole time, I just wanted to get out even though they were both good guys. In November, I had my first panic attack and soon discovered what I was dealing with (and still managing it) is SO-OCD. Then I learned of ROCD and wondered if that is something I have struggled with since my teens. As soon as I get into a relationship I have these strong urges to break it off for minor stupid things. Things that honestly make no sense. Like a weird freckle or chin (real examples). Not to mention I am afraid of getting intimate because Im super paranoid of getting pregnant... I started talking to a guy during quarantine and it’s slowly turning into more than friends. I really like him and enjoy spending time with him but I am constantly worried. Being aware of ROCD has helped me be mindful of the present but all my old habits are trying to come back full force and I find myself trying to avoid him. Ive read as much as I can find on ROCD and I can check off almost all the obessions and compulsions that are associated with ROCD. But it doesnt affect me the same way SO-OCD did. Like I felt like I couldnt breathe, and I could barely be in public. I wanted to escape so bad all the time. With this ROCD (if thats what it really is) I dont feel that panic, I just feel worried, stuck, and distracted. Not to mention, if I can manage to stay mindful, how on earth do you even tell someone you just started seeing that you have ocd, let alone so-ocd and rocd. It just adds to me wanting to avoid him. Also, how do you go from being dateless and single for 2 years to starting a relationship in the middle of a quarantine while you’re learning that you have OCD.

I thought what i have is rocd but i read about limerence and i learned that the two are different and i find myself more on that side than ocd... I always used to obsess about girls, but in a normal way, it never got weird like i started following them or something. I just daydreamed about us getting together and i was really into that cause im a positive person and i believe in manifestation. So i knew that if i put my mind into that, i might get the girl who i want. Im having the same thing like 6 months now over someone, i never felt this strong emotions and i saw it like i finally found someone who aligns with my values and i admire her because what she do and she is independent and strong, but this thing made alot of problems, eypecially when i had those moments when i felt like this is not possible, im stupid, im like a kid who daydreams about their crush but it will never happen... and i was so sad that it will never happen cause i never had seen a girl like this. Well obviously she isnt perfect, noone is. But i never had this feeling of admiration and love for someone and i desperately wanted this relationship to become true and prayed for that, cause i was and im still afraid that i will never find someone who makes me feel like this. And as i know the person is emotionally clever so we could talk about our problems, emotions, something i value, cause if you cant be open with your partner then thats a red flag... But all of this might be just my imagination. Cause later in time i started hearing things that made me question if she is the one, and i was afraid maybe i turned these things good just to make myself feel good about her. So im afraid i might have limerence and not real love. I thought this is just love with daydreaming, and i used alot of fake scenarios to build myself, to see what would i do in specific situations,to learn about myself and make myself a better person but now im afraid this was limerence...i made it up to make up a fake personality about myself...