I think I have borderline personality disorder. It hurts so fucking bad I don’t know what to do I can’t grieve anymore. I’m so full of it….I’m so incredibly full of grief and sadness. I wish someone could put my pieces back together.
You can do hard things and with help from your supports you’ll put your own pieces back together! You got this!!! Remember progress isn’t linear and everything doesn’t have to go as planned all the time to be going in the right direction.
Oh my goodness! I’ve been waiting for you. It’s like your heart is being grated or set on fire. It’s visceral. I’m sorry that you feel this way too. The real truth is that you are fractured in love. Maybe even broken. That is the core of bpd. I bet you are chronically lonely as well huh? That hunger? That yearning? I have fasted food before. In the absence of it you daydream about everything you could be eating. Loneliness is that same starving feeling. Take the day off. Make yourself a cup of tea. Sit and do nothing. Rebel against the hustle, and listen. Listen to the world around you…journal out what you feel:) do something you wish you could have done as a kid:) I don’t believe bpd is something you can heal alone:/ the core belief is: “I need people, but they will inevitably abandon or hurt me.” Right? To rewire your brain…you are going to have to see something different. To witness and believe that you can be loved:) but this is hard for me too. I don’t have any friends(I am lost in that resort) but alas, I hear you my love. God bless.
I’m so convinced I have borderline personality disorder cause of all the intrusive thoughts and the fact it’s makes me wanna do them( my intrusive thoughts is telling me to) I’ve been taking quizzes all day on line tomsee if I have any other mental Illnesses that serial killers might have. I get very annoyed easily and mad which is a symptom of BPD, I’m so scared :((((
I’m sure I might have BPD as well as OCD, but don’t wanna have it diagnosed cuz of the assumptions. I dont want to be misinterpreted as manipulative, aggressive or abusive because of the stereotypes (my partner has always said I’m the most calm and often TOO understanding person he ever met) But I do get the “inward anger” towards myself. Like, thinking I am utterly worthless and if I died no one would care. I often think something bad needs to happen to me for people to wake up and care. No one knows it though as I hide it from fear of people thinking I’m crazy and leaving me. I feel I have to frantically scramble to not be left. I fear abandonment to the point where I think I’d prefer to die over that happening. I have zero self esteem and feel I have no personality anymore. I think in black and white. People are cunts or they’re not lol ? I’m great or I’m worthless (100% worthless most of the time) I adore my partner more than my own life. to the point if he left me, I think I’d have to die to avoid seeing him with someone better than me (I wouldn’t do it though but it seems to be my only “solution”) imagining him leaving me all day everyday is agony I feel like I’m being sliced open every second and I feel sick. I don’t want the label though cuz people are saying Caroline flack might have had BPD, and I think she’s vile for what she did, suicide or not. I don’t agree with abuse - male or female. so I don’t wanna be associated with an abuser. Everyone is saying she’s evil if she had bpd so I really DONT want that association just because I hate myself and don’t want to be abandoned. Anyone know anything about DBT? I bought a DBT work book but I’m not telling anyone in my life as again, I don’t want the negative connotations. I’m a gentle person to everyone except myself so if I got tagged as a bitch I’d be mortified when all I want is love and acceptance and I feel I lack it
I’m not diagnosed. Let’s just get that out of the way cause I’m tired of venting and having everyone reassuring me not knowing that. There are so many ways that THAT can be true. I’ve been doing nothing but theorizing as to how and why it can be true. There’s actual reasons why I feel like it’s true too. There’s times when those thoughts cross my mind and I get this brief sense that might mean that I may like it. I don’t wanna feel this way. I don’t wanna be this person. But saying that doesn’t mean anything. I wish I can just take a pill or press a button so I don’t have to think or feel anything anymore. Please please please don’t let it be true I just wanna cry. There’s nothing I can do to change this shit and I feel like this is who I’ve become it feels too real. Will therapy even help or when i have to talk about my thoughts will my therapist just realize I’m beyond help?
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
