- Date posted
- 1y
Need advice
So I’ve posted on here a few times about my theme . Currently battling suicidal OCD (or what I believe to be ocd) I haven’t officially been diagnosed at all but towards the end of April I was terrified of dying in my sleep from drinking because a family member abused alcohol and did so I quit alcohol , then after I was terrified of dying from a heart attack I was vaping and drinking so I quit both and caffeine . Well prior to that I got all my blood work done would cry to my husband that I don’t wanna die and ended up getting EKG and everything came out fine . Then before I could stop thinking about that a thought popped in my head or picture of me with scissors to my neck and it freaked me the fuck out . Then I started thinking about it a lot more and I guess it just stuck I cry I panicked and told my husband I’m so scared I’m going to lose control and he had to reassure me that it wasn’t going to happen , well I’m still scared cause I’m scared to be home alone I don’t wanna be left alone . I’ve read so much about ideation and this but when I’m depressed it’s like my mind goes straight to oh you could do it this way or that way and it freaks me out and makes me think I should check myself in somewhere cause I’m scared . I don’t know wanna die let me clarify that but these thoughts yes haunt me , but I’ve never in my life have ever been S . Idk if it’s from my withdrawal from everything in may or this is something I need help with . I feel like idk what’s me anymore . Please help me .