Who_knows?

Date posted: 1y

Need advice

So I’ve posted on here a few times about my theme . Currently battling suicidal OCD (or what I believe to be ocd) I haven’t officially been diagnosed at all but towards the end of April I was terrified of dying in my sleep from drinking because a family member abused alcohol and did so I quit alcohol , then after I was terrified of dying from a heart attack I was vaping and drinking so I quit both and caffeine . Well prior to that I got all my blood work done would cry to my husband that I don’t wanna die and ended up getting EKG and everything came out fine . Then before I could stop thinking about that a thought popped in my head or picture of me with scissors to my neck and it freaked me the fuck out . Then I started thinking about it a lot more and I guess it just stuck I cry I panicked and told my husband I’m so scared I’m going to lose control and he had to reassure me that it wasn’t going to happen , well I’m still scared cause I’m scared to be home alone I don’t wanna be left alone . I’ve read so much about ideation and this but when I’m depressed it’s like my mind goes straight to oh you could do it this way or that way and it freaks me out and makes me think I should check myself in somewhere cause I’m scared . I don’t know wanna die let me clarify that but these thoughts yes haunt me , but I’ve never in my life have ever been S . Idk if it’s from my withdrawal from everything in may or this is something I need help with . I feel like idk what’s me anymore . Please help me .

Who_knows?

Date posted: 1y

Edit to add : recently had a panic attack because the thoughts get so strong and I cry and punch something telling my husband I’m scared something’s not right I need help .

cows12465

Date posted: 1y

i’m feeling the same way. i don’t want to be alone because im scared im going to do something. i have the exact same thoughts as you right now. but just know its just ocd and ocd is there to scare you into thinking your going to do it when your truly not. i have had to isolate myself from almost everything in the house because im scared im going to do something. the panic attacks are a response to you knowing your not going to do it and will be ok. i know its such a scary feeling but im right here with you. I’ve non stop crying and panicking for the past 3 days straight, i cant even sleep without waking up with panic attacks.

Who_knows?

Date posted: 1y

@cows12465 Do your thoughts ever make you think of the ones that have and then freak you out ? Like my mind goes to well why did they do it and then it freaks me out cause I’m scared that’s gonna be me . 😭

cows12465

Date posted: 1y

@Walters15! yes yes, i thought i was the only one

Who_knows?

Date posted: 1y

@cows12465 It’s so nice knowing I’m not alone in all of this ! But also sucks we are going through it . Please let me know how your erp goes .

Who_knows?

Date posted: 1y

@cows12465 Sometimes my brain also goes don’t act to happy cause the ones that were didn’t make it . I’m like ugh Brain!!!!!!!

cows12465

Date posted: 1y

@Walters15! omg, right here with you, i feel so alone and afraid i’m afraid of giving in and losing control even though i do not want to die my mind is convincing me. i cant be alone or else ill freak out

Who_knows?

Date posted: 1y

@cows12465 If you decide to get on medication please let me know which you choose . I was prescribed Prozac but because of my ocd theme I’m scared to take it and it actually make me you know .

cows12465

Date posted: 1y

@Walters15! that’s what i’m afraid of too. i hate taking new medication because of the possible thoughts that come with it

Who_knows?

Date posted: 1y

@cows12465 How do people get past this theme . I would rather any other thing to freak out about than this one

cows12465

Date posted: 1y

@Walters15! i know i’ve had these before, being on new medication and therapy is what helped best but i stopped going to therapy and that’s when my spiral started again. do you also get thoughts like “make sure you look happy in that picture so people will remember you” or “your family is really going to miss you” when your having a episode?? i feel so distressed

Who_knows?

Date posted: 1y

@cows12465 Yes !! I’ll look at my kids and my brain will be like I’m gonna miss them 😭😭

cows12465

Date posted: 1y

@Walters15! It’s so scary, i’ve done nothing but sleep to try and get away from these thoughts, i’ve barley left the house, i haven’t been able to see my boyfriend because everything triggers me

Who_knows?

Date posted: 1y

@cows12465 It’s an everyday battle for sure !

cows12465

Date posted: 1y

@Walters15! yes it sure is. i feel like im never going to get out of this but it will happen

Medicine2021_

Date posted: 19w

Suicidal OCD and harm OCD

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

laladracu

Date posted: 19w

idk if its harm ocd anymore

I dont know whats going on. I dont know if its OCD anymore. I know it was in the beginning. Ive been through a lot of trauma and had one little scary thought of killing my sister 4 months ago that has blossomed into this giant idea of me being a serial killer and wanting to hurt everyone (I never had any social issues growing up but I have had some trauma). Recently I’ve been having urges to just give in. And my mental images have been horrible and I can’t stop checking if I like them or not. I think I’ve convinced myself I have. This morning I woke up a shaking mess with an urge to unalive my family and when my mom left for work I was alone with my sister and couldnt stop vomiting uncontrollably. I dont know if i’m upset because I cant hurt anyone and I want to, or if I’m scared and just want my old life back. I was an avid horror and gore lover and now I’m convinced I want to do the things I’ve seen in the movies. Someone please help. I’m ready to check into the psych ward.

Harm OCD

Holl1

Date posted: 14w

OCD

I’ve been triggered so bad this week I’ve had bad anxiety and feel depression coming on. Last night I had a thought oh let’s plan it and I immediately thought why would I think that and started crying bad. I’ve had these thoughts for 7 months I really don’t know why I’m having these thoughts, if I knew I would work on it. Like people say has something happened in your life for you to have these thoughts and nothing has happened, it all started off from what if thoughts , like “what if I’m a psycho” because I saw this fb post saying introverts are more likely to become psychopaths and it all spiralled from there I started getting thoughts about harm towards others and myself. What do you think guys should I treat it like ocd or do you think there’s something seriously wrong with me.

Harm OCD

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