Justagirla

Date posted: 1y

Fetish ocd

This may make somebody uncomfortable. I’m just gonna be completely honest since I’ve been keeping it to myself for SO long and it’s starting to eat me alive. I’m so scared of having a fart fetish. This theme is so disgusting to me which is why it’s so hard to talk about. It terrifies me. I personally don’t like the smell of them. And as a compulsion, whenever someone farts around me, I have to check myself to see if I enjoy the fart. I would smell it just to see if my intrusive thoughts are true. Whenever I get a groinal response it freaks me out so much. What makes this even more complicated is the fact that I’ve watched scat porn back when I had a porn addiction. My porn addiction was escalating, which is why I watched that sort of porn. I know that I would never engage in anything that has to do with urine or feces in real life because it disgusts me. Why is that I know for a fact that I’m NOT attracted to urine or feces, but dont know if im attracted to farting or not. I feel so sick writing this. I also have some childhood experiences relating to farting which stresses me out even more, and fetishes always start out in childhood. And today I stressed myself out even more by reading Reddit stories of people who have this fetish and their stories made me feel gross. I definitely don’t mean to kink shame but I don’t want to be that kind of person. I don’t want to have any of these kinks. I no longer watch porn, thanks to God. But I also wonder that if I had not been exposed to scat porn or porn in general, would I be fantasizing about people farting on me..?? Like I know I don’t like farting because I always get angry whenever people fart around me. But for some reason I don’t hate the smell of my own farts. I just don’t know what to do. And im scared that if I were to ever do anything fart related in a sexual context (which I don’t plan on doing) that I would enjoy it. It’s honestly my biggest fear and my brain keeps telling me that the only reason that I don’t plan on doing it is because im scared to enjoy it. I really wish I could get therapy in the moment but I can’t. This theme has been DESTROYING my life. And I keep having false or real?? Memories of me getting turned on by a family members fart which absolutely disgusts me because that’s literally incest. I have been losing my mind for the last two months. Any replies or anyone that I can talk to about this privately would be greatly appreciated. I just can’t keep suffering in silence anymore. I’m so mentally tired. I’m exhausted.

Justagirla

Date posted: 1y

I’ve just been so scared to talk about this because it makes me feel disgusting. I’m also scared that nobody will reply. The reason that i posted this is because I just need someone to talk to about this or just for someone to reply. Literally any reply is appreciated.

justanotherday

Date posted: 1y

@Justagirla First off, the fact that you recognize it’s a disturbing thing is a great thing. It just tells you that the thoughts in your head and your fantasies ARE NOT YOU. People have to realize that intrusive thoughts and OCD can get extremely specific and down to the T to the point where it makes you feel like you’re the only person on the entire planet that thinks this way. This is not even the worst thing i’ve heard with OCD. The fact that you came on this app to reach out is a huge step and is extremely admirable. If you are questioning yourself of your thoughts being what you want (real) or false at all means they are false. This is what OCD is. You are stronger than you think you are and your brain is a tool. You have to fight your brain with your brain if that makes sense. It will be a battle but brighter days are ahead, this is your first step in recovery though as it was for me when I had finally told my loved ones about my intense thoughts that I knew weren’t me.

Justagirla

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous thank you so much for replying! seriously this means so much. I’ve been suffering in silence for so long. this calmed me down a little. I can’t express how grateful I am.

justanotherday

Date posted: 1y

@Justagirla This is the exact reason i’m on here. To relate. It helps me sleep at night knowing that it helped a bit.

Justagirla

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous but I have a question, again I feel gross for asking this but this is one of the things that I’ve been bothered by as well. I really hope I don’t make you uncomfortable. but I’ve always enjoyed the smell of my OWN farts. Like they don’t bother me. I looked it up on ChatGPT and it said that this is considered a paraphilia and that scares me a lot. It doesn’t bring me sexual arousal AT ALL. But I find that my own farts don’t bother me and that I kind of enjoy the smell of mine. I hope that I didnt make you uncomfortable. But it just helps to get this out. Please don’t sugarcoat and be honest.

justanotherday

Date posted: 1y

@Justagirla I’m pretty sure it’s a fact that your own farts will always smell better than others. Not sure what it’s called but I know what you mean when you say yours vs others smelling better. Seriously, I think that part is more on the normal side to be 100% no sugarcoat.

Justagirla

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous alright thank you! My ocd has just been so insufferable lately. You’ve been so helpful.

justanotherday

Date posted: 1y

@Justagirla Ocd is literally top 10 most sufferable conditions/disorders/diseases to have, just gotta hang in there! Keep making posts when you’re feeling off. There is a bunch of people on here like me that are always willing to help simply because they have similar experiences.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

Hi. Ummm… my advise? I think you should just “accept” the *possibility* that you could be consciously or perhaps unconsciously attracted to farting. I don’t think it’s weird if you were but you may not be! If you are so what! I have kinks too everyone does. You might not even have the kink. But if you at least accept the possible reality that you might, I think it *could* distress you less. Confession. I’ve had weird thoughts about urinating or being urinated and I’m a germaphobe so why does that turn me on? Or why am I afraid it might? I never tried it before, so I don’t really know for sure…but who cares! Some people have fetishes where they like to breastfeed or wear diapers like, it’s 2024, it’s all okay, you just gotta remind yourself of this, I don’t think it’s weird to be into or not into farts, I really don’t. Weird/strange is subjective. You get to decide. And I’m deciding for you. Is ISN’T weird—final decision.

Justagirla

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous I appreciate your reply. I really do, thank you! But I don’t want to have any fetishes at all. I understand that it’s accepted but this isn’t something that I want for myself. It just does not align with my values. Does it actually sound like I have this fetish though?

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Justagirla No. I don’t think it is a fetish. I think that it is a fear you have, therefore it has become an obsession.

SomaticSun🌤️

Date posted: 1y

@Justagirla Not wanting to have any fetishes at all is what’s fueling your mind to keep coming up with these fetishes you believe you might have. That would be the OCD wanting 100% certainty.

Justagirla

Date posted: 1y

@SomaticSun🌤️ Thank you for your response. It means so much

Justagirla

Date posted: 1y

thank you all for responding! this has been something that I’ve been silently struggling with for so long. It feels so good to get this out

OCDiva!

Date posted: 1y

Don’t forget your an OCDiva. Hang in there💞

lemon tears

Date posted: 24w

Anyone suffer from kink related sexual ocd?

(25f have always felt I was hetero) I feel like my experience is uncommon and it makes me feel like the world is crashing down. I used to privately act on a kink that’s extremely uncommon, an involuntary thing people do everyday. It was a kink that was NEVER in the real world. I’d act on it every now and then through erotica or when I was younger, videos…then at some point grew an awareness that this was weird and only stuck to erotica. When people did this involuntary act irl I would be grosses out, annoyed, feel nothing or would have this little thought in the background that “ew germs”. Especially my parents I was often annoyed when they did it. For the past 8 months I’ve continuously have feared what my sexual feelings are towards family, friends and children when they do this act that I used to have a kink towards. I had the thought “well I don’t think I really want this kink in this new relationship” then I thought “wait…am I acknowledging this is a real thing for me? If so what does that say about this kink happening in the real world? Are you attracted to anyone doing the act? What about children? Or mom?!” Especially my mom, I fear what I will feel if she does this involuntary act and that I may at some point give in and feel inappropriate feelings towards her/pleasure myself to her doing the act. It’s so bad that I will mentally create scenarios of her and others doing the kink in the exact sexual ways that turned me on to see if it will arouse me. I worry that being annoyed towards my parents, especially my mom doing this act in the past was because I was in denial and was masking that it actually turned me on. You can’t ever fully get rid of kinks and although I don’t act on this one anymore…I worry and fear that bc I haven’t acted on it, it’s attaching to family, friends and even children in the way of fantasies and that the only reason I feel despair, shame, guilt, disgust and fear is only because of what others would think of me. Not what I actually think. In the beginning I was so filled with disgust, guilt, shame and fear that I ran away from home then admitted myself to a psych ward last summer hoping it would help (plot twist, didn’t.) I’m suicidal, I cry multiple times a day. Every thought I have I don’t trust and worry what they actually mean. Every thought of any kind. My mom and I used to be so so so close. She was my best friend and I avoid her a lot now because I fear I have a sexual disorder and am uncontrollably attracted to her. I miss her much I’m crying while typing this. My mom has only done the involuntary act around me a few times in the past 8 months and each time the arousal was so strong I felt like I was dissociating with how horrible my life has become. The worst part is…the arousal itself feels really good compared to the arousal I get around my bf…except with him I don’t feel extreme anxiety and despair when I’m aroused. I have so many other thoughts too and it makes it so hard to be in the moment and enjoy my bf, family and friends. I feel like a monster…

tayanominous

Date posted: 24w

I’m scared does anyone else have these thoughts?

TW!!!! TW! Not talking abt SOCD in talking abt those really gross intrusive thoughts about sexual things with family ,friends, animals, random people. Mine is with family specifically my mom and I am so scared and my OCD is saying I actually want these thoughts to happen irl. I’m scared and these thoughts aren’t just the average incest thoughts there are sooo messed up it crazy, a few weeks ago I gas a thought that I was pregnant with that family member I mentioned before and I know ewwwwww wtf it’s sooo bad and I’m scared ppl will judge me for it in here or my therapist I’m so scared and it keeps adding to this thought like what it would be like if that were true and it’s sounds so crazy and gross and f****d up I feel so guilty and scared and I don’t wanna do ERP cuz I’m scared worse thoughts will come and your probably think well I can’t get worse then that but unfortunately it probably could anyways I’m sorry for ranting and pls pls reply cuz I feel rlly alone cuz I feel like no one gets THESE thoughts aghhh 😖

Abuchs

Date posted: 15w

FUCK please help me what is wrong with me

I am a girl's in my twenties. I got diagnosed with OCD last year. I have a boyfriend, sadly we're long distance right now. I've liked boys all my life. It's very difficult to sustain intimacy in a long distance relationship. Sometimes I have intimate calls with my boyfriend and it's nice. Other times, however, (and I am not proud of it) I do watch porn. I started watching porn when I was 16. I've tried to quit it many times but every couple of weeks I go back to it. And as everyone knows, one of the MANY problems with it is that your brain will always ask for more. More taboo things, more explicit things. I have a daddy kink. I've roleplayed with my boyfriend and watched porn of this kink. Now, the thing is that my brain keeps telling me that I won't orgasm unless I think of little girls being ab*sed. I've never looked for that on the internet, I never want to either. I am under EXTREME DISTRESS, because what my brain tells me feels SO REAL, and it's like my pleasure gets blocked and that contributes to me thinking my brain must be right. It wasn't like this before. I want to go back. I'm scared it will be like this forever now.

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Fetish ocd

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