anxiety and guilt

how do i deal with extreme guilt over arousal feelings towards something i had as a kid? i feel like i still have those feelings now but i’m realizing now that the topic i had arousal feelings towards was very strange and abnormal. i even used to look up videos of it. it’s not an inappropriate thing to watch but having feelings of arousal to it without realizing that it’s weird is giving me immense guilt. i know people who have done worse things than what i’m so worried about and they’re living their lives happily, so why is it so hard for me to? i feel like these arousal feelings taint my character and make me a bad person. i was googling and reading that feelings of arousal towards something doesn’t necessarily go away and that’s also sending me into a spiral. i kept googling the same topic as mine or taboo/worse topics people have had feelings of arousal over and it just made me feel worse as a lot of people were shamed for it. also i’m sorry i was very vague on the actual topic, but i feel too embarrassed and uncomfortable to say it.

Refrigeratrlord

Date posted: 1y

That feeling is not you love, it doesn't taint you or make you a bad person. OCD will play tricks on you, it can give you the physical feeling of arousal even if that's not truly what your mind wants. Its easier said than done, but you have nothing to feel shameful or guilty for, those thoughts and feelings are completely normal, and I myself have stuggled with the feeling of arousal twords taboo things, incest in my case. The important thing to remember is that feeling is not you, the fact that you're so worried about it confirms it. Feel free to message me if you'd like to talk

flowerpetals

Date posted: 1y

@Refrigeratrlord have you ever experienced pocd? my obsessions have strictly been harm thoughts and emetaphobia, but occasionally i will get pocd thoughts. typically i just brush them off but right now i’m really ruminating about them and i don’t have the energy to feeling check. it feels entirely real and i’m spiraling.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@flowerpetals Breathe

Refrigeratrlord

Date posted: 1y

@flowerpetals I get a lot of pocd thoughts about my 3 year old cousin, and sometimes just kids I see in public which can be terrifying, it leaves me absolutely disgusted with myself most of the time. However the fact that it bothers me so much confirms that those thoughts arent me, and same with you, if its uncomfortable and/or scary for you, those thoughts are not you. OCD will make it feel real, it can give you detailed mental images and make you think you truly enjoy those thoughts, but that's not the case. It can also give you feelings like a groinal response, which can be scary, but that is purely anxiety. Its like if you're scared of needles or spiders for example, if you think about it long enough, you might start to feel a poking sensation or like something is crawling on you. If you're ruminating on the anxiety of feeling something, your body may make you feel it even if you're not in any way attracted to the thought. If you truly enjoyed those thoughts you wouldn't be ruminating on it. Pedophiles don't worry so much about being the way they are, they might have a little shame somewhere, but they still happily welcome those kind of thoughts into their head. Your distress alone seperates you from them. I promise you, you are not your OCD.

flowerpetals

Date posted: 1y

@Refrigeratrlord i really appreciated hearing this! especially the analogy! this definitely gave me some peace of mind

ughhhh

Date posted: 22w

I feel gross interacting with adult content.

18+ people with this thread please. I just want some advice from people who have experienced this. Its been almost 2 years since my real event and i can confidently say that i feel a bit better about that and my thoughts. (We still have bad moments but we recover.) but, ever since then and before, i feel nasty and gross whenever i engage or interact with adult content. Like this nasty guilt or feeling like i cant interact with it because then my ocd says “this proves that your thoughts are true and your perverse” and after i always feel empty and disgusting. Besides things like that, i read adult fan fiction sometimes or even write stories for my original characters. And yesterday i shared these stories with a close in person friend of mine. (Were both in college) and they were fine about it we laughed about it but then after i felt guilty-my brain was telling me “you traumatized her she just doesn’t wanna tell you” obliviously this isn’t true but im having a hard time believing it and this morning i woke up with a deep dread that i hurt a friend and im horrible. I can say that they’re more positive about these things then me and i think thats why we got into the conversation and i felt comfortable to share these stories but i just can’t get over it. I have a strong urge to ask for reassurance but i know it wont help. I literally have no one else to talk to about this. Ive spoken to my therapist about this guilt with adult content and we have yet to expand on it especially how it goes hand in hand with my asexuality. My therapist tells me its human to feel things like this and its ok to perform self care like that and again-im a human person its usually normal for 19 year olds to be like this especially for someone my age but i dont feel normal. I feel nasty. Does anyone else feel this way? How did you confront this guilt and how did you feel comfortable again interacting with these feelings and actions again? I dont really have a desire to do s*xual things often (im on the asexual spectrum) but when i do i dont want to feel like this. Especially when my ocd types effect it. Advice is needed and appreciated thank you for your help.

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

Thinking u did something u not sure if u did

Hey guys I just wanted to talk about something I was feeling I feel so trapped and terrible I have a bad pornography addiction even back then idk what to do I'm 17 years old but basically I looked at some very obscure things on the Internet ranging from hentai or just even more messed up things when I was younger I think maybe early teens I remember randomly just started remembering things I saw now I do not remember if I acted on them or jerked off to them idk what to do I feel so ashamed trapped I feel like I can't enjoy life anymore for what I've done I been introduced to porn when I was young idk what to do I seem alot back then some memories pop certain ones I don't remember if I had pleasured myself to it it feels like I did I have so much shame if I did but idk what to do

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

Real event false memory ruining enjoyment guilt

Hi everyone, I'm struggling with what I think are intrusive thoughts, possibly related to OCD, and I'm hoping someone here might relate. When I was younger, in my early teens, I went through a period where I had a strong interest in pornography. During that time, I encountered hentai involving male characters, related to an anime I enjoyed. One of the characters was someone I even looked up to. I feel incredibly uncomfortable admitting this, but I believe I engaged in sexual activity related to it. Years later, I'm plagued by intrusive thoughts about this. I feel intense self-disgust and shame. It's like this memory has "tainted" my ability to enjoy that anime, and sometimes other things. I'm constantly replaying the situation in my mind, questioning my past actions, and worrying about what it means about me. The anxiety is significantly impacting my life. Does anyone else experience intrusive thoughts focused on past events, particularly those that cause feelings of shame or disgust? How do you cope with the constant replaying and questioning? I'm looking for support and understanding. Thank you for listening.

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