Username: Ellasmama

Date posted: 24w ago

Please help - not sure this is actually harm ocd

Hi everyone (major TW) I just started therapy here at NOCD yesterday and I am still kind of…badly spiraling and I’m hoping that maybe some of you can make me feel better. I started having harm intrusive thoughts about my dog 8 years ago, and they went away mostly as she got older…until I got badly triggered by a tv show a few weeks ago and here we are. Since then, I’ve had horrible thoughts/visions of knives cutting into her (always her head and neck and always super graphic), words popping into my head (usually on the ends of sentences) about slashing, cutting and worse, and this constant physical feeling of being afraid that I’m going to harm her. Not that I want to, but I’m afraid it will happen, because I constantly feel it even though I don’t want to. I’m constantly aware of the feeling and thoughts being there 24/7 and am battling them all the time - checking the thoughts to see if they bother me enough, scared when or if I just feel numb, and am basically living on the edge of feeling like I’m going to do something horrible to her I don’t want to do. If I think about the words I get shivers down my spine and feel an intense feeling like adrenaline/fear and just want to get away from her asap. I’ve gotten the thoughts about my parents too, and feel the same way, but it’s a little easier to separate myself from them as my dog doesn’t understand. Has anyone else had this? I know I shouldn’t be looking for reassurance but I really need to know if this is actually OCD, or I should lock myself away and give this poor dog to someone else. She was my entire world until 3 weeks ago and now I’m just terrified 24/7 that I’m going to hurt her because it’s all I can think about. Please help me.

Username: Do no harmDo no harm

Date posted: 24w ago

Sounds like harm ocd to me. It’s focusing on your dog because of how highly you value her, that’s what OCD does. I know it’s really hard and disturbing, but I would say just keep working on this through ERP. You are strong, you can do this!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 24w ago

I can assure you that from your fears of not wanting to harm your dog, the thoughts are not your true intentions, or “real” as in the way you are explaining it. The more and more you give attention to the thoughts/images/feelings surrounding this, the more intensely it will feel “real”. But it isn’t! You have to try to end the thought loop that you are experiencing right now. Try taking a cold shower, listening to music or watching a funny movie/tv show. Maybe go outside and take a walk around the block or something. And keep telling yourself that this IS ocd! Give yourself some forgiveness because this is so hard to overcome. But it IS possible. And you can do it. I have been in your shoes before with thoughts of waking up and wanting to be transgender when I’ve never wanted that ever before, and I truly love the woman that I am. It freaked the hell out of me. But I had to remind myself that OCD latches on to your greatest morals and values and tries to make you think the complete opposite. That’s why it’s so nasty and painful to deal with. You aren’t alone. You are strong and this WILL pass. Just give it some time and go do something fun and distracting. I hope this helped 🫶🏼

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w ago

@Anonymous Totally agree!! When the thoughts are that intense it can be helpful to force yourself to do something distracting just to stop the spiral 🌀 like splashing cold water on your face, getting out of the house with a supportive friend/family member, anything (outside of compulsions) that feels comforting to tell your nervous system, to remind your body/mind that you are in fact safe and in control instead of feeling like you are on high alert. I know it’s hard and sometimes seeking medical attention feel like the only way to go, don’t shame yourself out of getting the professional help you need if necessary! It feels so real because the emotions of distress and fear are very real! That’s why OCD is so tricky! It makes me feel like you have to continue to worry about harming your dog, it makes you feel like you cannot trust yourself! But you ultimately have the control!

Username: EllasmamaEllasmama

Date posted: 24w ago

@Anonymous Thank you for sharing your story with me and so much advice. I’m glad you’re doing better. I’m really trying to live as normally as possible - it just doesn’t feel like it will ever stop. None of the distractions I try work, and even trying to stop ruminating on the images/feelings/thoughts…i feel them with me constantly. That’s what scares me so much honestly - this feeling of being aware or sort of a feeling of doom with the visions of me harming her. I can’t get away from it. It’s hard to forgive myself because I constantly feel like it’s about to happen. And now when I look at her that’s all I see and physically feel. Does that actually sound like OCD??? Like it feels like something’s going to make me hurt her even though I’ve never wanted anything in my life more than to keep that little creature safe. I don’t know how to get away from it, nor at this point does it feel like there’s any hope for the future of ever being able to be normal around her again.

Username: EllasmamaEllasmama

Date posted: 24w ago

@Anonymous I wish I could do that, but I feel like it’s bigger than me. I don’t feel like I’m in control and don’t trust myself at all - I don’t see myself being able to ever be around her and be normal again. I keep waiting for myself to snap and harm her because physically and mentally, I feel like that’s about to happen. It’s like my brain is stuck on that. It has completely derailed my life, especially as she’s a huge part of it. My family’s sick of hearing about it and the only thing that was once comforting to me is the dog who I now want to get rid of to keep her safe from me.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w ago

@Anonymous I understand how it is completely draining! And I understand how hopeless it feels! You are not alone! Working with NOCD, doing ERP, and seeing a psychiatrist changed my life! It takes time and it can feel extremely scary at times but it is worth it. Don’t give up! OCD will always try to trick you into feeling like your thoughts are real but it gets easier with therapy (and for me personally, also medication). It may be worth looking into scheduling with a psychiatrist as well? There are many people with OCD having the same fears and thoughts as you, you are not alone. There is hope you will be able to live a life with your dog and feel joy & safety around her again

Username: EllasmamaEllasmama

Date posted: 24w ago

I just want this poor dog to be safe and I can’t bear the feeling/images like I’m going to harm her. I just want this to stop so I can enjoy my life with her again.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 24w ago

@Anonymous I think you should ask a friend or someone to look after your dog (pet sit) for a couple of weeks until you can feel more grounded and centered. Just think of it like a mini vaca from the source of your trigger. Then see how you feel.

Username: EllasmamaEllasmama

Date posted: 24w ago

@Anonymous I tried that honestly. But I don’t have anyone around who can take her as she’s special needs and she doesn’t really care for strangers. Idk what to do.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w ago

Your intrusive thoughts do not define who you are! Mindfully label the thoughts as intrusive (not part of you or your true intentions), be aware that the distressed emotions triggered by these thoughts are making it feel as though the thoughts are real, separate yourself from the thought (you are not defined or controlled by OCD), accept that the thoughts are there without actively trying to push them away. It will get easier with time! It sounds like you have just started your healing journey. Be kind to yourself. Take it one day at a time, you got this. OCD cannot thrive if you continue to live your life as you normally would without OCD throwing all these intrusive thoughts and images at you. OCD/intrusive thoughts lose their power when do the opposite of what OCD wants you to do but this takes time and help from a professional. You are on the right track! One day at a time! Hope this helps

Username: EllasmamaEllasmama

Date posted: 24w ago

@Anonymous I appreciate all of this advice so much but I just can’t help but sit here and wonder - how do I know that the thoughts aren’t real? I feel like I could act on them and it scares the hell out of me for my dog’s safety. I don’t want to, but it feels like I could. I’m genuinely considering going to the hospital rn but I don’t even know what to do. I had a vision of someone slicing her neck with a razor blade and now I’m terrified I’m going to do that but I don’t even have anything sharp around (I made my family hide everything) so I’m not sure why I’m still so worried. But it feels so real and I’m so scared

Username: EllasmamaEllasmama

Date posted: 24w ago

Username: Taylen

Date posted: 2y ago

Harm OCD

just a couple days ago i experienced this for the first time from watching the new DAHMER series. Im having intrusive images and thoughts of me harming or killing my loved ones and its so scary because i would never do it. It has me questioning if im crazy and im having severe panic attacks over 3 times a day. Im mentally and physically drained, i’ve told my mom about it and we are going to see a therapist tomorrow. Im scared to because idk if they specialize in OCD and if i tell them my thoughts they are gonna put me in the mental hospital or say im crazy and don’t have OCD, can any therapists on here or fellow people with Harm OCD let me know if you think im showing signs of it, i just want it to go away and to be able to sleep at night without severe overthinking.

Username: cam1724

Date posted: 1y ago

Trigger warning! Harm ocd

Hi guys. So idk who all has read about the Lindsay Clancy case, but ever since it’s been brought out, my harm ocd has sky rocketed. With thoughts towards my fiancé and even my dog 😞 I don’t have any kids, but the idea of losing control one day and acting on these thoughts is really getting to me. My biggest theme for years was harm, then went to suicidal for 2 years, and now I’m right back to harm and it’s freaking me out 😞

Username: Beachpie

Date posted: 49w ago

I’m scared

I got diagnosed with ocd recently from my therapist after having years of symptoms since I was a toddler and recently I have had a terrible dream with beastiality in it about 3 months ago and I woke up and cried. I went through the day as usual and then I told one of my friends and I sobbed because that is the last thing I have ever thought about in my life. Luckily my friend was there for me, but then the OCD kicked in. I’ve been having horrible thoughts and I’m scared, I don’t want to do anything to animals never have I ever had thoughts of such. I have two pit bulls that are my sweet babies and I have never had thoughts of anything to do with beastiality in my whole life and now I’m 20 just now being scared of this. It has been the worst ocd obsession I have had in a long time the last one I had lasted 3 years. I’ve been wanting to lock myself in my room and not look at my dogs because I’m afraid to even let them sleep in my room anymore. I stay up all night sometimes because I’m scared I’ll see another dream. My mind is starting to make think I want those thoughts and I’m so scared I’m tearing up whole typing this. I’ve been contemplating suicide because of this fear of doing sexual acts to an animal I would rather not live. I hate living like this and it has been hard to sleep with my partner because now I’m afraid to have intercourse which I have always been able to do with my partner no problem. But now the beastiality OCD has ruined my life and I don’t know what to do.

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