I've said this before but the thing I struggle with the most is the intrusive thoughts feeling like actual urges. The urge and overwhelming feeling that I'm gonna lash out at someone. 🥺 especially the people I love most
I’ve suffered from this for a long time. The worst part is feeling like doing the exposures is so much harder because the stakes feel so much higher. They aren’t real urges. Your brain has a physical part of it that stores thoughts you are avoiding. You think of your loved ones, then you make the association between them and the thing you shouldn’t do, saved in your brain as IMPORTANT, DONT DO. OCD brings this to your attention aggressively, and we associate having thoughts as wanting to do something. But it isn’t. This is well researched and understood. You are not going to hurt anyone, you just are being hyper-vigilant not to.
@redbud I don’t want to hijack this user’s thread but I am really, really fascinated by what you wrote here. Would you mind explaining a bit more about this? I haven’t been able to find anything online about it and as I’m currently in the same boat as @curls.90 and really struggling with the feeling like I’m going to do something I don’t want to do, it’s helpful.
@Ellasmama Sure. The basic idea is thought suppression. By trying to not think about something, you make your brain constantly think about it. With OCD this can cement into an automatic association between a person or situation, and a thing you don’t want to think about. For me it was often my fiancé and hitting her. I was so scared of ever doing that, so focused on preventing that, that I would think about it whenever I saw her. I was incorrectly interpreting my brains threat detection and hyper-vigilance as a desire to lash out at her. After I got past that, I was worried that I would do it anyway, against my will. That sounds like what you are experiencing. It’s a common OCD symptom. Intrusive thoughts are scary, and because we are afraid of them and can’t make them stop, we interpret them as real desires and begin to fear we will act on them. I’ve been suffering from OCD for a long, long time. And I have never acted on any harmful thought. Ever. You don’t want to. You want very badly not to. And so you won’t.
@redbud That’s very interesting, thank you for sharing. Can I ask you - did you ever start to feel, like, numb to it? That scares me too. That’s been a recent one of feeling like I’d do something and just feeling nothing, though I know it goes against everything I stand for, especially with my dog. My therapist told me that when your hyper fixated on something, and using up so much emotion, you can almost become apathetic. I just want my real feelings back at this point.
@redbud And yes the “acting against my will” is so relatable too, for both feelings. I always feel like that. I know it’s not something that I want to do, but it feels like I will.
@Ellasmama I did start to feel numb to it as I was getting better. My therapist would tell me to let myself feel like I would act on my thoughts and sit with the discomfort and anxiety. It was horrible and I hated doing it, but it worked. I used to sit at my kitchen table holding the big knife I was afraid I’d cut myself with and time myself to see how long I could take it. Find some exposures you can do with your dog where you can sit with the thought that you might do whatever you are worrying about. Start small and just see if you can do that for a minute, then build up
@redbud That’s good to hear, thank you. I really appreciate you taking the time to share this with me. I’m glad you’re better - and it makes me feel like there’s hope of getting my life back, you know? I am working up to those kinds of exposures too. The biggest struggle that I’m having is thinking of it and having that almost numb, frozen feeling from my feet up like I’d actually go and do it. That’s so hard, and it almost makes me want to cry. I feel like that feeling won’t ever go away. But I’m really trying. ERP is tough but if it works it works, right? I’m desperate.
@Ellasmama I also got told by my psych that I have PTSD from having such bad OCD. That’s something I didn’t know could happen. Like trauma from the images even thought they’re not real. So I think that makes it harder too.
@Ellasmama That sounds so hard. I’m sorry you’re going through that! But ERP will work. I believe in you! Find ways to make it smaller and smaller so that you can start and build your way up.
I am so sorry! I understand you .I also struggle with this.Now is better but before it was horrible.Like I was scared I was a dangerous person.Ocd attack what we value the most .I reccomend you to watch ocd and anxiety and talk with a therapist if you have the possiblity
i haven’t been diagnosed with ocd but I have anxiety about harming other people/family members and it’s like urges and im scared I actually want to do it? I don’t think I’ve ever been violent as a kid (im 21 now) and the intrusive thoughts don’t go away so im just stuck all day everyday for the past few weeks just thinking and being scared about it and im having all these weird emotions like being irritated and angry I don’t want to hurt people I don’t think idk why my mind is making me think I do I’ve had intrusive thoughts before that I could brush away sure it took like a day or two but this one is different it doesn’t go away and leaves me with the worst fear imaginable and nothing I look up that should be giving me relief is giving me relief + I feel like im not in control of my body and that im just gonna lose it and act on these thoughts it’s just all on a loop and im not sure how im supposed to live the rest of my life when im in constant fear of my self
Hello everybody I just am looking for someone to talk to about my harm ocd / false memory/ sexual intrusiveness. Anyone who has healed or found ways to deal with the illness. Feels like I’m losing hope more and more everyday. I want to be okay but it’s hard living with uncertainty and unwanted urges of doing something terrible. Thanks god bless.
(Trigger warning) So recently I’ve caught myself being more content with these thoughts…and due to the fact of me not freaking out is making me freak out because I also have this weird little birdy in my thoughts that just say “do it” I’m not sure if I’m the only one and I’m ofc scared of that but please tell me this is normal…I can’t even cuddle my boyfriend or anything right now.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
