rocd

does anyone know if its normal to get to a point in ur spiral where ur not only 100% numb and disconnected feeling nothing but also reassurance isn't working anymore? it makes me think this isn't ocd anymore but it still makes me feel like shit so idk. constantly testing for attraction to my partner, testing to see if i miss him, questioning why i'm ok w not seeing him at times when usually i'd be jumping at the chance to see him every day, questioning if choosing to text him or say i love you or goodnight or anything is becoming a compulsion bcs i can't "feel the feeling of wanting to do it naturally". any of this normal??

matthewm

Date posted: 1y

Yes this sounds like normal ROCD. I would give more advice but I don’t really know much myself about overcoming doubt

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@matthewm even if its not advice i wld rlly just like to hear other experiences to relate to and jnow im not alone bcs i have rocd but im constantly questioning if this is rlly ocd or if i rlly just lost feelings which i dont want

matthewm

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Yeah I have ROCD and I broke up with my girlfriend (and then got back together later and then broke up again). For me, being in a relationship felt bad and being single felt bad haha. Both situations I desperately wanted the other one. I think it was overall good we broke up because we didnt have much of a connection, but it was hard to understand that till long after. I think the best thing to do is to write down logically what you like and dislike about the relationship, whether you think you’ll find someone better for you, whether you WANT to try to find someone better, etc. I would never make any decisions until you’ve written down your feelings, your plans, and sat for it for a few days or week. If you decide breaking up is in your best interest, you’ll want a lot of writings about why you’re doing it and all your emotions so you can be confident afterwards. (I doubt you’ll actually want to breakup, I’m just giving this info in case). If you decide you want to stay with him, then you then should work on being comfortable with emotions of bored or indifference. You don’t have to be always in love and obsessed with him for it to be healthy!!! Sometimes relationships are just meh. It just matters that you like being with him overall, not every second. Hope this helps, let me know if I can explain more

matthewm

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Rereading your message, the fact you don’t want lost feelings means you’re probably just ROCD and overthinking. If you want to truly breakup you’ll be wanting to see other people and wanting to be apart from him. So maybe you don’t have to write about the relationship, that could be more of a compulsion to check if you still like him.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@matthewm ya tbh just hearing abt breaking up is kind of triggering for me. like now i test for if i want to be around him and i feel numb. like i usually want to but recently i got painfully numb now i cant feel it. but i want to so badly idk what happened it just all dissipated so quickly bcs i had one spiral about compulsively texting and then i got disconnected from everything

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous tbh i desperately want it to be my ocd but i think im in my own head trying to figure out if it is or not bcs it feels worse than usual

matthewm

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Usually when you want stuff to be OCD, it is. You’re just in your own head. It’ll be better soon, just try to live normally and ignore the thoughts (easier said than done haha)

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@matthewm but is it normal to feel this disconnected like ive never felt this numb but it happened over a few days like it progressed so quickly i was fine 2 weeks ago😭😭😭 like i get numb cyclically but this hit so much worse

thal17

Date posted: 1y

Currently going through this right now

Mariabae

Date posted: 20w

rocd

I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.

Mariabae

Date posted: 17w

i feel so strange

hi! I broke a short period of doing well without compulsions because I got triggered again. Before this, I had about two calmer days where I didn’t spiral so much, but now everything feels worse. I’m scared that I don’t love my boyfriend as much as I used to, or that this relationship is making me feel stuck or sad. He’s a wonderful person, and I hate thinking this way. I smelled a perfume that used to make me feel calm and in love, and now it just makes me question everything. I spent hours last night searching Reddit, especially on r/ROCD, trying to see if someone is like me or if anyone has answers. I keep rereading posts, hoping I’ll feel certain about what I should do. But I just feel more confused. I keep thinking, “What if I heal and then realize I don’t love him?” or “What if I’m only staying because I feel safe with him or I’m used to him?” I feel numb sometimes, or like I’m pretending, and I hate it. I want to feel love and clarity again. I don’t know what’s real or what’s ROCD anymore. I just feel lost and afraid. I talk to hi. now and i feel so strange like i dont want to force myself i want to like him i dont understand what i feel i feel so weird in my chest

Mariabae

Date posted: 15w

i cant do it

I feel like I’m falling apart. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He’s kind, loving, supportive — and I know he loves me deeply. But I can’t feel anything anymore. I sit next to him, and I feel numb. I kiss him, and it feels empty. I remember how I used to feel, and now… nothing. It terrifies me. The worst part is that I don’t even know what’s real anymore. I constantly question if I ever loved him, if I’m just forcing things out of guilt or fear. Sometimes I imagine breaking up, and I feel nothing — and that scares me even more. I keep thinking: if I really loved him, wouldn’t I feel it? I’ve read about ROCD. I want to believe that’s what this is. But the thoughts feel so real. And I can’t stop spiraling. My therapist didn’t help — she made me feel like maybe I was lying to myself. My mom either tells me to stop overthinking or gets angry. I have no one to really talk to. If anyone here has been through this — through the numbness, the “what if I never loved him?” thoughts, the feeling like it’s all fake — please tell me how you got through. I’m exhausted. I just want to feel peace again.

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