Scared to become who I don’t want too

I have harm OCD and I am going on vacation to visit my family in Mexico and as Im driving I just kept thinking about how happy I am going to be to see my family and then a thought pops up like * what if I hurt them or I’m gonna hurt then*, and then I don’t want to be this person but what if the other side of me that does it but I don’t want too, it’s like fighting against another person in my mind telling me that I am this bad person and I’m going to do something bad, I don’t know if that makes sense. I used to be able to control these thought but I can’t no more, is this a flare up or why do I keep having these bad thought 24/7?

Nowhere255

Date posted: 1y

Hey Friend, This absolutely sounds like a flare-up! Avoid letting difficult moments or hard days define what you are capable of. Try not to let them deplete the significance of how well you've handled these thoughts in the past. Flare ups can be caused by an onset of stress. Traveling can be stressful due to the uncertain situations it can bring. Do your best to focus on the moment, meeting your needs (food, rest, stress relief, etc.), and getting to spend time with your lovely family. Have a wonderful trip and safe travels! Much love, Nowhere255

Ocdsucks56

Date posted: 1y

@Nowhere255 Thank you, and yes I don’t avoid anything because I feel like it’s just giving ocd what it wants but sometimes it feels so real, I loosing interest in things that I use to like and I feel lost and confused all the time now😞

Nowhere255

Date posted: 1y

@Ocdsucks56 I hear you. Try not to be discouraged—change is the only certainty in life. Understanding our minds is incredibly challenging, and overcoming setbacks will always be a part of that journey. Lean into what brings you joy right now, or focus on meeting your basic needs if joy isn’t accessible. Remember, feelings towards activities, objects, or people can change from moment to moment. A temporary lack of interest doesn’t mean you’ll dislike them forever or that they’ve lost their significance to you. Your moods and feelings do not define you or your values. You must mindfully define yourself despite how strongly they may make you feel. Obsessive thoughts are real and challenging, but they are only thoughts. They do not define who you are. I believe in you!

Ocdsucks56

Date posted: 1y

@Nowhere255 I really needed this, thank you thank you

Nowhere255

Date posted: 1y

@Ocdsucks56 I'm so happy to be able to help. Message if you need to and safe travels!

AJ Rose

Date posted: 22w

I’m having really bad thoughts of harm ocd

Im sleeping over my boys house and im having bad thoughts to hurt him and it’s like I can see myself acting on it. I never want to hurt anyone… I hope someone can comment or give me advice as I lie in bed watching crime documentary. It messes with my OCD creates false fantasies

Aphid123

Date posted: 22w

Is this even OCD?

Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!

bradyx20

Date posted: 15w

don’t know what’s happening to me

i haven’t been diagnosed with ocd but I have anxiety about harming other people/family members and it’s like urges and im scared I actually want to do it? I don’t think I’ve ever been violent as a kid (im 21 now) and the intrusive thoughts don’t go away so im just stuck all day everyday for the past few weeks just thinking and being scared about it and im having all these weird emotions like being irritated and angry I don’t want to hurt people I don’t think idk why my mind is making me think I do I’ve had intrusive thoughts before that I could brush away sure it took like a day or two but this one is different it doesn’t go away and leaves me with the worst fear imaginable and nothing I look up that should be giving me relief is giving me relief + I feel like im not in control of my body and that im just gonna lose it and act on these thoughts it’s just all on a loop and im not sure how im supposed to live the rest of my life when im in constant fear of my self

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Scared to become who I don’t want too

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