Inspiration Turned to Trigger

I’m religious and kind of practicing, unable to fully commit because an inspirational message shared by a prominent member of the religion turned into a trigger for me. Essentially, the central message of the address was that, when it comes to how we spend our time, we could be engaged in good things, even better of things, or the best things, and it’s up to us how we want to spend the time God gave us It’s caused me to develop the phrase “good, better, best” as a mantra and I feel constantly overwhelmed now. No matter what I’m doing, in the back of my mind I know there are better things I could spend my time on and it causes me to feel intrinsically guilty for simply trying to enjoy my leisure time It extends into long-term things as well. For example, last year I had to change jobs because my OCD was affecting my job performance. I went from a web developer to computer repair and it feels like I dropped from a “better” career to a “good” career. It feels like I’ll never be satisfied with myself in terms of my profession until I can get back to coding, which I don’t even know would be a good thing for me, mental health-wise I wake up most mornings already feeling like I’m failing to measure up to some impossibly high standard that no one even set for me, and it’s exhausting. I don’t know how get by when I feel like all my energy is spent stressing that I’m not the most productive person alive

jlhammond

Date posted: 1y

I only want to comment to empathize with your worry. I think the perfectionism often accompanying OCD is an easy fit in religious circles. However, in your job scenario, I would argue that by being able to put your mind more at ease, presumably, and continue to provide by making the job change, I would say you did make the “best” choice. I think sometimes we have to remember that every situation has a range of outcomes and that, even from a religious standpoint, the choices that bring us happiness/peace of mind and aren’t inherently bad may often be those best choices. Just my two cents.

ocdonedidily1

Date posted: 20w

Perfectionism OCD and rumination

There’s this one situation that I haven’t stopped thinking about from last night . So basically, I was reading 'The power of Now' which is a book that I love so much and really got me into spirituality. It’s been so helpful for my OCD and rumination but it’s also been pretty triggering for it as of late, so I’ve taken a long break from consistently reading it. The excerpt I read was about abundance and how its not about being bountiful, necessarily in material things but realizing and being grateful for the things that exist in your life now and in doing so, you will open yourself up to more good things. I understood it but I re-read it a lot because I didn't feel confident enough to explain it to someone else. but otherwise I LOVED IT. It made me feel so at peace, I agreed with it, and it gave me hope to start focusing on the good things in my life rather than the bad. So when I went to bed I rehearsed myself explaining it to someone on a podcast and then all these questions started flooding in like “why should I only focus on the good and aren't we supposed to accept the good and bad? Aren’t those the values of Buddha and spirituality” “Ya, we're supposed to accept the good and the bad but why?- so we can feel more good??? And isn't the point of OCD to not label things as good and bad? and why should I focus on the good- so I can feel good? why should I feel good? because I'm worthy of it? why am I worthy of it? because I'm a good person and do good things? well I’ve also done bad things so why shouldn't I consider that. I just don’t understand why I should feel good without it being selfish. And then this went on for like 2 or 3 hours. Like holy shit. I over explain these ideas and concepts that I resonate with to the point where they don't even make sense to me anymore. It becomes very existensial very quick. And I’m not suicidal but these questions make me feel hopeless in society for some reason?? And myself. Like if everything contradicts everything then what’s the point to life? If nothing can be understood or explained in a senseful way, then how do people move forward and make decisions, like AT ALL? There’s never a right or perfect answer and I feel like with any decision I make in regards, I’m doing a compulsion either way. If I don’t answer them, then I’m avoiding it and if I do then I’m checking and seeking reassurance. I’m sorry if this was way too long and over-explained I just need some advice or to know if anyone can relate in any way. Also, I’m sorry if some of those back-to-back questions were triggering.

xxoxxooo

Date posted: 16w

Nearly a week since I stopped in the middle of a compulsion and I still feel stressed and tempted to finish it. My throat, ears, head, chest, legs,arms, my body has been hurting since then. And if I finish it will it stop? But what's stopping me is.. I've been trying to trust God to handle it. Idk what to do rn, Ive been trying to set up a schedule for this week but it ended up not working out so I will try again next week, and School work I'm years behind (I'm in yr 10), I don't rlly have any friends either to help me. But anyways I try not to think about school that much since I have alot more to think about. And I don't even have any talent or anything I want to be I just want to be a good person but I'm horrible I just need to do focus on stuff Like getting closer to God. looking after myself. The OCD thoughts which. I can't do any of these tho because the OCD makes me so stressed I just want to hit the OCD in the face but I can't obviously so I do it to myself, And they make me want to do more to myself but I don't because ✝️ And I don't want to. Anyways I can't even do the basic things to look after yourself, and The OCD thoughts keep saying about death all the time, and illness. I don't like hearing it in my head all the time I can't do anything properly. And Those thoughts are active when I try read the Bible. Even when I used an audio bible. And a app where u read 1 verse at a time it's still hard. But basically what do I do My throat keeps feeling weird like burning without the feeling hot ughhshsheh I don't want to go back into that life when I was 12-13 where I was worrying about my health and checking with doctor all the time

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

I need an opinion

So I am a practicing Catholic, and I've gotten into reading the Bible this year, praying the Rosary, things like that, and while I love to do that, my OCD has been seeming to take over, in ways such as like I have to read the Bible for a certain amount of time before I'm satisfied with the time read, or something along those lines, and it's starting to make the thought of praying and reading the Bible unenjoyable, which is really hurting me inside, because I used to and want to enjoy it so bad, but now this is making it really hard to, because it feels like I don't have control over my own thoughts, and little things trigger the thoughts, it's just so annoying. If there's anything anyone thinks I can do to combat this please let me know.

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Inspiration Turned to Trigger

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