another theme.. (TW: suicidal ocd)

is everyone with ocd just destined to worry about every theme? because i didn’t think i could worry about something else but here we are. and what’s even worse is i’m not even diagnosed. anyways, i’ve been struggling with suicidal ocd as of late. i’m having very contradictory thoughts where i just feel sick thinking about having to live the rest of my life with all of this anxiety or just living in general, but then when i think about self harm in any way, i start worrying and finding reassurance that i would never do that. i’ve reassured myself twice today which is usually not common for me, but once that reassuring feeling goes away, i’m back to square one. is this a common experience with people who struggle with suicidal ocd? i don’t understand how it came about because i’ve never worried about anything self-harm related. i’m thinking it was triggered by a movie i watched.

Username: pureolifepureolife

Date posted: 24w ago

Ocd themes tend to correspond with values. If you value life, your ocd might attack that. The thing is: if your ocd tried to attack something you don’t care about it just won’t work. It has to go after things that can shake you. It works because of your values.

Username: Liam45Liam45

Date posted: 24w ago

Themes are no more than a way for us to track the type of content the OCD is projecting. You still have OCD just a form of it where it hasn’t been given a nickname.

Username: SlaydeSlayde

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w ago

As Someone with OCD and MDD with suicidal ideation I know how tough this can be. My depression, when at its worst, leaves me with this relentless feeling of not wanting to live, and I've had my OCD latch onto that in the past driving me to worry about what I 'might' do until I feel like I just can't stand existing. I don't know if you have depression or not, but if you're not feeling down and defeated and sad and exhausted before these intrusive thoughts occur it is likely just OCD finding a new theme to hop to. Even if you discover you do have depression at some point, there are many treatments available and some of them can help OCD too when coupled with ERP therapy! If you truly had given up, or truly did want to die your OCD wouldn't be able to feed off this and cause you so much distress the way it's doing. This can't be said for all themes with OCD, but I can tell you from experience that if you truly have given in and wanted to hurt yourself you wouldn't feel so anxious and conflicted about it, so your anxiety is the clearest sign of all that you haven't given up. I'm sorry for the long reply, but I really do wish the best for you and hope you can get the diagnosis and help you need.

Username: flowerpetalsflowerpetals

Date posted: 23w ago

@Slayde i have yet to get to the point of giving up but it typically latches on to thoughts of me not wanting to feel like this anyone. just now, i was eating and my mom was talking to me when all of a sudden i got anxious with these terrible intrusive thoughts causing me to get very nauseous. i was perfectly fine before that, it just happened out of nowhere. but those are the times when i get any suicidal ocd related feelings because hurting self has never been something i would do. however i do have depressive episodes i would say and lately i’ve had pretty bad derealization that i wish would go away

Username: SlaydeSlayde

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 23w ago

@flowerpetals I'm sorry to hear you have to go through that. Though it's hard, know that it's possible to make it through, and that effective treatments are out there. Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy can help you learn to confront the intrusive thoughts and overcome the anxiety they provoke. Without the anxiety to feed them, the intrusive thoughts tend to pass on their own, gradually becoming less and less severe over time. Therapies like Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and guided breathing meditations can also help calm the anxiety and teach you how to put distance between the thoughts, the feelings they elicit, and your responses--helping you starve the OCD of the cycle of anxiety and reassurance it feeds on. I hope you are soon able to get the diagnosis and therapy you need.

Username: flowerpetalsflowerpetals

Date posted: 23w ago

@Slayde it’s really freeing to hear that it’s possible to make it through this. i don’t know a life without anxiety but knowing there is one where i’m happy more than not, is one i’m willing to fight for. i feel as though my brain finds things to be anxious over whether there is an actual reason or not and it gets really exhausting. thank you for ur input and support!! 🫶🏻

Username: Tstorm11Tstorm11

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 20w ago

@Slayde Can I ask what triggered the suicidal OCD?

Username: Evelyn4416

Date posted: 4y ago

TW rant: suicidal OCD So this has been my major theme for the past year since my onset started. For clarification: I just have suicidal OCD, I’m not actually suicidal Incase there’s confusion about that. Anyways, I am so SICK of hearing about the topic of suicide which seems to be everywhere. You hear a story on the news that some celebrity did it, or other stories that people they knew did it or they themselves attempted it. You hear that people with mental illnesses or those who went through trauma or just being a middle aged white man have higher risks of suicide. On my explore page on Instagram, thanks to the OCD support pages I follow, I get suggested posts about other mental health related things and there’s usually posts about “signs of suicidal people” or whatnot. I’m soooo sick of it. Having suicidal OCD has been extremely hard and scary to have. It seems like anything is a trigger and the unwanted thoughts of it keep popping up (as OCD normally does). A lot of the time it’s aimed toward myself, but a big chunk of it is aimed toward my loved ones, like what if they decided to commit suicide? If I haven’t seen a family member in a little while (they’re chilling in their room or whatever) I get scared they might have killed themselves so I feel the compulsion to check on them, ask if they’re okay and happy etc. But it’s mostly at myself and I hate it so much. I think overall, whether this attack is aimed toward myself or others, it just absolutely terrifies me that anyone could just decided to do it and then just do it? It’s not like fearing a murderer coming to your house or an outside threat, but you’re the threat! And you can’t seem to protect your loved ones from it! I get these fears that I’ll become depressed (I’m not depressed) and eventually desire it or that I’ll spiral from fear and pain and eventually desire it, or that it’ll be like the movie Bird Box where the people in it (after seeing the monster) seemed to go on autopilot and killed themselves. I can’t even see words like “committed” or “attempted” without having my stomach jump. I struggle to get things out of my closet since having an open closet is even a trigger for fear. I just wish suicide never existed, I wish it wasn’t a thing, I wish I’d never think about it, I wish i could move on from this intense fear. (Disclaimer: I’m doing ERP for this and compared to before have been progress, but on my spike days it’s just so frustrating) Thanks for listening 😩

Username: username255

Date posted: 2y ago

suicidal ocd and harm ocd

did anyone go thru both of these themes? mine started out with harm ocd, i had a fear i was gonna hurt myself or someone else. for the longest it went on to hurting my mom, i was so scared i was gonna i couldn’t even go near her it passed. the harm ocd changed to existential, i got bad dpdr from it and still dealing with and now the harm came back. but mainly towards myself. i still get scared when talking about crimes and stuff, but even more anxious when i see people talk about suicide, etc. it makes me think i really am suicidal. i don’t actually have a plan, but one certain image and thing stick in my mind completely. i wont stay at my own house because my roommate owns a gun and i’m scared i’ll give into my thoughts and do it. but then sometimes i know this has been all new and overwhelming to me what if i got depression and now im suicidal. god this sucks. i dont wanna die man but at the same time do i wanna live if im thinking like this? its so overwhelming. not looking for reassurance just seeing if anyone else can relate.

Username: alexisd

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Suicide OCD

Hey everyone. I have been struggling with this theme this week. I had a panic attack at the beginning of the week and I got hit with a bunch of suicide intrusive thoughts. That is the last thing on earth I want to do and it hurts me because my mind makes me believe I want to. I get in a really sad dark alone place and sometimes I think about it but also I feel like it is intrusive because I have told myself no matter how bad it gets, no matter how shitty it feels I will not do anything to take my own life. It brings me so much sadness and guilt when I think about those kinds of things. It’s been hard because I have been trying to mindfully redirect and stay in the present moment but the thoughts come back and it makes it so hard to move on or when I’m in a happy moment that feels good my intrusive thoughts just come flooding back. I have tried to accept that those thoughts are there and I need to do things towards my goals and values but it’s been so difficult to accept this feeling and notice those thoughts when they are so against everything I love and it’s so hard when it’s one of my biggest fears. I cry and cry because I’m just so scared of those thoughts and it makes me think I actually want to do it. Anyway has anyone else experienced this? I feel so guilty and sometimes get thoughts that this feeling will never go away even thought I know for a fact I can get past it. Any advice? Or does anyone relate?

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another theme.. (TW: suicidal ocd)

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