I am feeling hopeless and panicked for the first time. I don’t want to be dead. I want to not have these suicidal thoughts. I am so scared I will be stuck like this. It feels like if can’t get worse. I want to get better. I don’t want to die. Anyone feel like this before and get better?
Someone please tell me you can feel THIS BAD and get through it
Yes. But it gets better with work in treatment. What are you doing to get better?
@pureolife I got into an IOP start in 1-2 weeks
Yes. I felt this all last year. I thought I wasn’t going to get to celebrate Halloween or the other main holidays, I promise you, this feeling of hopelessness will pass. It WILL pass. Unfortunately though you do have to go through it to see the end of it.
@Liam45 I just want to make sure I don’t give up. I need to make it
@cam.cam You will make it. I think you’re stronger than you’re letting on! 💙
@Liam45 Thank you 🤍
First, those are normal thoughts we all get them. Turn the thoughts of fearing death to the half full. If death is to happen, think instead shouldn't this motivate you/us to make the most out of the time we have left? Shouldn't you be out there enjoying those moments, making new friends, enjoying the beach, ...etc. If I give you a glass of water, and tell you this is your last water ever to drink, what would you do? Won't this make you appreciate and enjoy every drop? So the same with what is left in your life. Now imagine if I was tricking you and this wasn't the last glass of water you will have, because you were living next to the river, but was blinded by the perception I planted in your head? Personally, I would go fishing, and realize the I was being tough a lesson by my subconscious to push me to appreciate what I have :-) ... Have a great thoughts day
I can't sleep at night I fear I overthink a lot . And I need some rest I'm tired😭
Hey guys. Already showing improvements! It changes so quickly.
I feel you so much girl!!! I feel like my brain wants to give up and I have to do everything in my power to make sure that doesnt happen. If you ever need to talk I am here b/c I deal with the exact same thing and I understand how exhausting it is
@haleymoriarty Here for you as well! It is so up & down! 2 days ago I was crying on the couch saying how I literally didn’t think it could get worse & felt like I was dying. Today I was fine all day.
@cam.cam I am like that too!! It literally was the worst day of my life a few days ago and now I’m going to work and everything seems okay!!
@haleymoriarty Glad we are not alone in this. I think it’s part of ocd. If you don’t mind me asking, does your period affect yours? Last two times I’ve had my worst days, I was starting my period.
I know everything im dealing with is OCD. I have accepted that, but I just feel down. I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this. I just want to be free from this horrible illness. Any positive stories and recovery journeys will help. What did recovery look like for you? I used to be so happy, I miss it so much. This feels like it’s taken everything from me. How do you just live your life despite how you feel? Any hope will help!
I genuinely can't help but feel irredeemable over every little mistake made or regret I've had. It's so up and down, but I just miss the certainty. Knowing "this is who I am." I'm so disconnected from myself. Like, I'm really, really trying. Today is really rough... I got triggered the other night, and it's been hell since. I've been fighting seeking reassurance. I want it so, so incredibly bad, but I know it won't help me :( Some days, I just don't want to be here. It's funny because yesterday I felt amazing until I got triggered. I just immediately spiraled after that. I don't know. Does it genuinely get better? Will therapy really help me? Sometimes, I think maybe this is the best it'll get, and that scares me. Sorry for the vent. I'm just feeling so overwhelmingly anxious right now. I can't even cry (due to Zoloft). It feels claustrophobic somehow, having all these emotions trapped inside of my body with nowhere to go 😭
I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…
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