I'm a big jumbled mess. The hocd has backed down quite a bit to the point where I was starting to have moments of forgetting and my attraction to guys came back. Here's the issue. I'm a Christian and my boyfriend and I are in an unequally yoked relationship. I feel like to any normal person this wouldn't matter but my OCD moved on to this, picking at it viciously. Of course it makes me sad that we don't have the same view about the existence of God, but it's never bothered me THIS much. Also the fact that we have premarital sex is starting to bother me as well when it never did before. It's killing me. I feel like I can't talk to God anymore. I've been obsessing over it all day. What do I do? I don't want to break up with him. He is my other half. I love him so much. I know this is a really sticky subject. Please no anti religious comments.

I was good with my themes kinda, and then I felt the ocd switch so that was expected. But this one feels different, since my ocd I’ve been more accepting of gay people, I believe in God and that he created life and people as they are, and don’t believe that it’s necessarily wrong to be gay, but my boyfriend believes that being gay is a sin, he’s not discriminating or disrespectful to anyone. He has never let it impact the way it treats anyone like ever. This topic has only come up in conversation like twice in the 4 years we’ve been together and both times it was while I had soocd so it felt super sensitive to talk about. But now, I’m grasping more with seeing him as his own person again and not comfort for my ocd, so my ocd is clinging onto this one difference between us and it truly feels now like this is a dealbreaker, even though this has never impacted our relationship together at all. It wouldn’t impact the way we raise our kids or treat other people but just the fact that he thinks that makes me ocd think it’s enough that I’ll want to find someone else with the same view as me. I know deep down I don’t want to break up because when I’m not focused on this flaw, I feel happy and in tune with him. Does anyone have any advice ?:(

Hey there! I’m new to the NOCD community. Just joined today, but in desperate need of encouragement from my fellow relationship OCD subtypes and scrupulosity subtypes. In the summer of 2023, I was a youth pastor and dated a guy from my church. I quickly broke it off because i felt lustful, sinful, and he didn’t meet my high standards. I quickly fell into depression and guilt, seeing this guy at my church. I felt like I had disappointed God by kissing a man he didn’t tell me to, or kissing someone I wasn’t going to marry. Fall and winter of 2023, I was having panic attacks. Dry heaving because of anxiety. I was obsessing over the end times and if I was going to be with Jesus for eternity or not. January and February of 2024, I was suicidal. Yet I thought it was spiritual warfare. I was spiritualizing everything, crying, dry heaving, having intense panic attacks. End of March and April, I was admitted into the hospital for my mental health by my pastor/boss and his wife from my church. They got me on sertraline but I was suicidal, delusional, and violent. So I admitted myself into a psych ward. During my time in the psych ward, I hallucinated, was delusional, acted out parables and experienced what’s called catatonic psychosis.. look it up lol. I was put on heavy doses of Haldol, an antipsychotic, which made me extremely high and antsy. I was hospitalized 4 times in April due to delusions, catatonic psychosis, and antipsychotics. I was extremely afraid of the devil, demonic spirits, thought I was the antichrist and had hallucinations. It was an extremely scary part of my life. All while this is happening, I had started dating my ex bf again. Who turned out to be a Godly man that I rushed things with and who had been praying and waiting for me. I stayed with my family over the summer of 2024 as I reacclimatized to real life again. And eventually moved back to where I was living as a youth pastor.. except I got a different job. When I moved back home.. it was really hard for me to get back into church. It was hard for me to see my church family who had seen me as a spiritual leader. I didn’t want to do church anymore. My bf and I then starting to sleep together, and I felt so broken and nauseous knowing it was wrong and we were sinning against God. We had given into temptation, and my ocd was running wild sometimes. I had been diagnosed with scrupulosity after being hospitalized. We’re still together to this day, are engaged and getting married, but I feel awful. I resigned my pastoral license because of fornication. I just feel paralyzed by shame. We’ve told multiple people we’ve slept together, whether it was a confession compulsion of mine or not.. idk. But are going through purity and pre marital counseling with that same pastor/former boss of mine. I just.. need encouragement. Anyone?

I have grown up in a Christian community and kind of always been around people who believe Christianity or even catholic. In the past few years I’ve really dove deep into my faith and honestly felt good about myself sometimes but overall terrified and like I’m a horrible person if I do one thing wrong or make a wrong sin. I’m also not sure if I completely believe in all the traditional Christian practices anymore. But I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 5 months and everything is going great. We communicate and he’s so loving and respectful and I honestly don’t have any major issues In the relationship. I used to have a big fear of men starting when I was like 7 aboit my grandpa or my dad trying to rape me (even though they are good men and showed no real signs of it). But it ruined my relationship with them both for awhile til it eventually went away. I always told myself it was because the “spirit” of ocd was rebuked by Jesus but I honestly don’t know. Now I’m dealing with a more extosential or religious ocd where I’m terrified I’m a horrible person for being in a relationship and almost feel worse about myself if I get closer to God. I also feel like if I get too close to God then I have to choose between Him and my bf and I can’t have both. It’s driving me in San and I feel like if I tell anyone any of this they’ll tell me to just break up with my bf even though there isn’t anything wrong in our relationship. Idk what to do and it’s so draining