Terrible ROCD today!

hi this is my first post on here and I’m in desperate need for anyone to hear me out and offer support or advice or just about anything even though I’m fully aware reassurance is a nono A little about me : early 20s, straight female (my soocd would disagree lol) and mild to moderate autism I started seeing an ocd therapist a couple months ago and she was lovely. I was coming out of a difficult period of my life where I had stopped my ssri and that decision bit me in the ass because my ocd came back in full force (soocd, real event, pocd, rocd, pure ocd thoughts, statements, etc ) For the most part all of my themes have settled but today my rocd has struck so hard I can barely function, I’ve been a crying wreck all day feeling sick with shame and guilt over my fears with my bf and not finding him attractive all the time or when I notice other attractive men and sometimes I question if he is it for me because he is my first everything so I have nothing to compare to and all these thoughts are so overwhelming (even normal curiosity about dating other people freaks me out) I love him so much (at least i think i can never be 100% certain) and that’s what *obviously* scares me. No one here can tell me how I feel but I’m just so scared and the guilt and shame is eating me alive Another trigger of mine is the fact he wasn’t my type physically when we first met (we weren’t dating then) but overtime I started to like him a lot his personality complimented mine and he became attractive to me and I felt all the lovey feelings and excitement Essentially I’m scared I don’t really love him because if I truly did I wouldn’t notice or fixate on his physical flaws or the things he does or doesn’t do that bother me sometimes I try to think logically he probably has similar thoughts about me but doesn’t bat an eyelid Im just so tired and I can’t see my therapist till Friday :((

I’ve been with my partner for about 7 years. I thought I was over the ROCD for a while. But I’ve been under a lot of stress. I’m moving in with him next week, but I lost my job due to severe anxiety and depression affecting my job. (I hated working there) It’s been stressful trying to find another job while moving and I’ve noticed I would occasionally get intrusive thoughts, but I managed to ignore them, especially with the help of medication. However just today I went shopping for groceries and this stranger asked for my number and called me cute. I can’t lie it was flattering but I rejected him and confirmed I had a partner and it was serious. He was very friendly about it and I went home. But now I’m getting these intrusive thoughts like “You want him instead of your partner.” “You’d rather be with him.” “You felt flattered so you want to be in a relationship with him instead and cheat on your partner or break up with your partner.” It’s been so hard since coming back home because while I was flattered, my brain keeps thinking I’ve cheated for some reason or want to cheat or break up with my partner. For reference, I’m demisexual which means I don’t have any attraction until I develop a strong emotional connection with someone. So I wasn’t attracted to this stranger but I keep thinking I am? I really hate this because I love my partner so much and I thought I was over all of this. Any advice when a flare up like this happens? I assume it’s a flare up because I hate how real it feels, it makes me feel sick with anxiety.

I keep seeing random people that are "more" attractive than my gf and it just makes me question everything. I will then go through photos of my gf to validate my relationship. This just sucks. Maybe I am with the wrong person?