Coming to terms with obsession/compulsions for ex

Hi all, Five years ago my ex partner of 4.5 years ended our relationship. He was my first everything. We went to both high school and college together and it was devastating when it ended. That said, I have since realized he treated me very poorly (some may even classify it as narcissistic abuse) and that, at best, we were a poor match life values wise and at worst it was toxic bordering abuse. By the end of the relationship, my self-esteem was in the dumps. Since then, I have managed to pick up the pieces. I have lived in two large metro areas, am pursuing a PhD, run several half marathons and a marathon, and been in a 2.5 year relationship with a partner I adore and see a future with. My current relationship is much healthier and I am so, so much happier than with my ex. And yet…I still continue to obsessively ruminate on him, stalk him on social media/internet, and probably still talk about him. Things have intensified this year after he got engaged to a girl and their wedding is this weekend. It’s hard to admit but I have gone down deep rabbit holes on them both (and stuff related to them) since the relationship in a compulsive way. I am currently in exposure therapy for health-themed OCD and it has worked wonders for me. But today, my Mom caught wind of the fact that I knew some info that I wouldn’t know unless I had looked for it about them. I was embarrassed and it finally dawned on me that this may be relationship OCD. I feel almost dirty or creepy. If you asked my ex, he’d likely have no idea so my social media rabbit holes wouldn’t be detectable to him at least. That said, I still feel shame and embarrassment about this theme. I also think there is a bit of residual trauma from my ex’s treatment of me. Like I also find myself comparing myself, my appearance, etc to his fiancé. He often criticized my appearance and body and it still affects me to this day. I love my current partner and don’t know if I have the heart to bring up this theme to him. I do want to bring it up to my therapist but even that feels hard and uncomfortable. With the wedding this weekend, I’m worried about managing social media. Like it’s starting to become very clear just how much I ruminate on him and the resulting compulsions. I don’t know if anyone has found exposures that help for theme or even just been in my place. I just feel bad and a little bit like I’m letting my ex win by being so obsessed with him😔

JazzyRoses

Date posted: 20w

Being Cheated On OCD

Hi everyone! I have been having a rough time. So my boyfriend talks to his ex still as friends and I’ve been struggling with it lately and I can’t tell if it’s OCD or not but it does feel so distressing. She wasn’t texting him for about 2-3 months as she got into a relationship with this guy and they broke up. She had messaged him saying that she has no one else to talk to and needed to vent to someone. At first I felt okay, but my intrusive thoughts took over and it seemed like she was trying to get with him after the fact. It’s probably just my intrusive thoughts talking but he looks on Discord (the app where the message) constantly now and my intrusive thoughts convince me that he’s still in love with her. Then yesterday I saw one of his BeReals (a little photo app that shows a photo of the day) and I saw that he was watching one of her streams as she is a streamer. I struggled to talk about it because it made my worst thought feel like it came true where he is still in love with her. When we talked he gets a lil mad that I don’t tell him right away like straight up what I’m feeling but it’s hard to process because my thoughts flood in of all the worst things and I don’t want to come off as toxic at all and I know relationships are built on trust and I want to trust because this is literally the only thing that makes me nervous about him. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been cheated on before so I’m trying to protect myself but I’m lost. I get so depressed and so anxious because I feel like I have to grieve the relationship and it’s just so dramatic. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t wanna lose him by bringing this stuff up constantly when something occurs with his ex. I don’t know why I get triggered so easily and I just wanna heal from it and be the good girlfriend I’m supposed to be 😭

overthinkerh...

Date posted: 18w

ROCD/ Harm OCD

Anyone experience this? I have had OCD for past 9 years, over the course of that time I have had multiple themes from POCD, false memory OCD, contamination OCD the list goes on. Right now I am struggling with the thought that an ex is going to harm me, my family and fiancé. I am about to get married and my fiancé makes me so happy I am in love and finally found the person that truly completes me. However, of course OCD latched onto that. My OCD convinces me that if my ex finds out I’m going to get married that he will harm me and my family. The other day I did a compulsion and looked at my blocked list which my ex and his family and friends are on, I quickly glanced at their little profile pics to make sure they were okay and that they weren’t planning on scheming to harm me and my family and my fiancé. Immediately after I did this I started to freak out, my OCD made me think I was a cheater and that I secretly want to reach out to this ex. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD from that situation because I went through a traumatic experience with this individual and this is what had lead me to believe that he will harm me. Anyone else experience similar?

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

OCD around my breakup

My partner broke up with my about 10 months ago. It came out of nowhere, and I got no explanation before they ghosted me and blocked me on all forms of contact. I have been horribly struggling since then with this obsessive need for closure. For a while I continued to try to reach out to them, on my own accord or through other people, but it just kept ending with more blocking. For months, I was going through the relationship and the breakup in my head over and over, picking it apart to try and figure out what went wrong, but without a conversation with my ex, I couldn't get anywhere. I am definitely doing much better now. the compulsions to reach out to her and the spiral obsession with figuring out what went wrong have both lessened. but they are still present, especially when I sleep. I really just want to be rid of the whole situation, but i want to do it in a healthy way without locking up my feelings. i really am at such a loss though. i still want answers and i still miss my ex in a lot of ways, but at the same time, the though of running into them scares the shit out of me. ive heard some horrible things about them since then, and how they have been spreading rumors about me behind my back. the situation cant seem to get any worse and it just keep happening. and it makes my ocd triggers so much worse too. idk, i will take literally any responses and any helpful advice.

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Coming to terms with obsession/compulsions for ex

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