ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 1y

please help.

me and my boyfriend got together, and i have been extremely loyal. like i have habits of telling him absolutely everything, thinking of another guy intrusively makes me feel guilty, talking, being near them, even where my eyes go. makes me feel insanely guilty. so i would tell him, well when me and hom got together in Dec of 23’ i used to speak to this guy in 22’ and some of 23’ in april, and i got an intrusive thought about the guy? and me and this dude had a horrible past, id homewreck him alot. but when he’d ask to be serious id say no, and didnt want it. and it was just alot of drama. and i had to convince myself he was attractive when i didnt think that? hes just unsettling to me, well back to now. me and my boyfriend got together, adore him. well im friends with so the guys girlfriend. and i was around him alot and didnt think anything of it? but anything id do would make me feel like an attention seeker. or that i wanted his attention. or anything. same with other guys. and then i got a thought about his muscles, i told my boyfriend that i thought i liked them? and then i realized i didnt? i dont think. and then his girlfriend found out. and now i get constant intrusive thoughts? like i wanna leave my boyfriend or if i reach out they will quit? i have to avoid him, or the anxiety gets so bad and i get so sick its like in my chest like its a feeling i hate. and ive never been like this towards a guy.. and my current boyfriend is my first actual serious relationship, i dated a guy before hand, and didnt think of this other guy at all. and when me and other guy dated for like 5 hrs i was uncomfortable and didnt wanna be in the relationship it just icked me out and now im questioning everything and what me and him was? and if it was just a false crush to begin with? because i love my boyfriend i really do, hes my first love absolutely everything to me. and the idea of gaining feelings for this guy sickens me. but my mind is making me think, if i reach out the thoughts will quit, or that its feelings, when the intrusive thought in the first place had something to do with his appearance. nothing about him. im also a really bad people pleaser. please someone tell me what it is!! if it was just false feelings from the start! or what! please! 🙏

Iamstrong2024!

Date posted: 1y

I struggle with themes very similar to this. I know how hard it is and how much you love your partner. I’m tearing up writing this because I feel your pain. It is SO HARD to deal with this. People with OCD are warriors, and I pray that you just stay strong and know that it DOES get better. ❤️

ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 1y

@Iamstrong2024! thank you so much! 🩷

ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 1y

and if i tell myself, im going to act on it just to see? how id react my body like tenses up and i get so sick? idk pls help.

walkingocd

Date posted: 1y

Don't do that. But if you do and don't feel guilty, that doesn't matter because you do this with an intention to TEST yourself, not with the intentions of cheating. Also you're CHOOSING to stay and act faithful, thats what all matters. Say "i don't care" or "maybe or maybe not", thats an exposure technique!

walkingocd

Date posted: 1y

Hello, love of my life dumped me, and i assure you i exprienced every single thing here. Now i will try my best to help you out! Firstly, i was exactly the same. Every single people triggered me, even just looking at them or being in the same environment with them. And there were specific people that triggerred me the most. I get intrusive thoughts, scenarios, images and question/dialouge like thoughts about them. (Don't forget, thoughts can be in any form). I also had someones muscles as an intrusive thought! Lol. And, i am extremely loyal like you as well. I am loyal to him even when he dumped me. Because i want to. "Attention seeker" theme. I always had this. What if im seeking attention or im trying to impress someone? What if i try to show off my body so someone can find me beautiful? What if im seeking attention for just being here/talking/walking like that, etc... The list goes on. None of these are your true intentions or desires. Thoughts and FEELINGS do NOT define you. Your choices and actions do. You can even feel like you WANT to cheat or you hate your partner and so many horrible, unfaithful, expectant, conditional, selfish things. But none of these define you if you CHOOSE to love, stay faithful, be kind, unconditional to your partner. Remember, someone who is truly unfaithful won't hesitate, won't feel guilty and won't post this epic-length paragraph. Also sometimes you won't feel guilty and you will ask yourself "why don't i feel guilty, what if that means im not a loyal persin anymore and i actually want these things?" Etc. That is called backdoor spikes, or you can exprience emotional numbness as well. Hope this helps

ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 1y

@walkingocd thank you, and yes sometimes i go through these like times where i wont get any response to the thoughts, when it first happened i was sobbing to my boyfriend at the idea of loving or liking anyone else made me so sick i puked because leaving him to persuade someone else was absolutely horrible to me. and now the guys name is just on repeat. i get intrusive thoughts about everyone under the sun. but this specific guy just tears me up the most. like no other, i dont even think i wanted him from the start, me and him talked off and on for 4 months like two weeks or less in contact then a couple out and then lost contact for 6 months then stayed in contact for a little from april to may? but i never took him seriously? i just wanted him to say good things about me. and give me everything in a relationship but not? like the attention you get from it? and id also feel so guilty because it was wrong bc of our past. i always got him in some wrong horrible way. idk if thats even romantic feelings or just like a false crush? what do you think? and when me and him did talk in april- may that was after i met my current bf but we was no contact and i always complained how he wasnt him?

ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 1y

@walkingocd and also his name is just like on repeat. idk if i mentioned that? but i never really thought about mine and his past til this honestly

walkingocd

Date posted: 1y

@supersillykitty14 LOL SAAMEEEEEE, I always had the specific persons name on repeat, especially when i was praying for my ex. I had their name on my mind all day everyday. OCD doing its job. You can call it whatever you like, false attraction, false feelings or false crush. It is FALSE after all. Its not real. No matter what you feel, what thoughts you have, choose your partner. Choose to love your partner. Choose to stay faithful to them. Even if you feel like yoh love someone else, you don't want to choose it, you hate ur partner, etc. Choose it. You have choices. Ocd can dominate your mind but it can't manipulate your reality.

walkingocd

Date posted: 1y

@supersillykitty14 Yeah you said that, you're too exhausted that your forgetting things. Get some rest when you feel better

ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 1y

@walkingocd it drives me actually crazy, because i’ll be going to say anyones name then BOOM his name. like no thanks!! so but how do i know the difference between genuine romantic feelings and false? like there was enjoyable moments in the past, for the attention.. but i think you can tell the dominant emotions were usually negative, because homewrecking,feeling bad, anxiety, always worried of people hating me. when me and him did date i felt so uncomfortable and so just idk gross? like i didnt belong there. it was so weird. hes not even good looking either💔 and he has those weird personalities.. like a pick me boy 🙁 its literally my biggest regret.

walkingocd

Date posted: 1y

@supersillykitty14 Lol its okay, you're trying to prove things to yourself. Calm down please. Its all OCD, trust me. You're faithful. Your false or negative feelings can shadow your love and good feelings because every living has their survival thing on their brain. And brain focuses on the "danger" first to stay alive and survive, it tries to handle and solve the problem. Brain works a lil silly but its fine. i exprienced every single thing you just write here. I get and understand you. Please calm down

ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 1y

@walkingocd okay, but how do i know the difference between genuine and false crushes? and stuff. because not in a relationship id literally act on any thought ever

ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 1y

@walkingocd and thank you for listening to this, but i think another part that drives me insane is that my mind tries to save my current boyfriend looks like this guy. simply if they have the same eyebrow shape or anything… its insane

walkingocd

Date posted: 1y

@supersillykitty14 You don't have to distinguish whats real and whats not. Love doesn't has to be an emotion. It is a choice more than a feeling. You love who you choose to be with. But if you want the answer so bad, false feelings brings distress and guilth within

walkingocd

Date posted: 1y

@supersillykitty14 Also exprienced that. Its horrible. But when you actually see your boyfriend, nothing of him looks like someone. He is unique. Your mind, OCD just trying to find a weak point of yours and hyper focuses and distorts your reality.

ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 1y

@walkingocd so what im going through with the other guy? thats not my boyfriend?

walkingocd

Date posted: 1y

@supersillykitty14 It could be an intimidation or friendly closeness. Nothing more. OCD is just exaggerating because this person triggers you

ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 1y

@walkingocd like what do you mean? im sorry im so slow

walkingocd

Date posted: 1y

@supersillykitty14 Its okay! I mean, This may be an excitement felt by friends. It could be sincerity. Or it could be intimidation. Or, like me, you don't actually feel anything and it's just the exaggerated fake emotions of OCD. (Like u feel like you have a crush but in reality, you don't)

ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 1y

@walkingocd YES ITS LIKE A CRUSH BUT NOT? ITS LIKE UH IF ADRENALINE YOU GOT FROM EXCITING THINGS WAS JUST SYPER NEGATIVE If that makes sense?? like u hate the feelings??, also my mind has gave me this really big fear of him and his girlfriend breaking up… and i have no idea why.. but it like scares me

walkingocd

Date posted: 1y

@supersillykitty14 OMG YES FINALLY SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS ME.... OMGMGMGMGM I NEVER THOUGHT SOMEONE HAD THE SAME TRIGGER FEELINGS trigger feelings can be different. Some people can feel guilt, people like me feels a thing that is like excitment, its like you have a crush. Like you described. OMGGG IM SO HAPPY IM NOT ALONE. Also trigger reactions can be different. Some ppl can cry. But i reluctantly smile and this is even more triggerring because what if i actually enjoy? But no its a reaction.

ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 1y

@walkingocd omg sometimes i get comfort??? and i literally HATE IT. and Sometimes my mind convinces me That its a crush Because before this ocd stuff i used to be like an attention whore.. but OMG sometimes it feels like my throat feels like Idk weird?? but The idea of them breaking up, literally tears me up, and i have absolutely no idea why… like, i absolutely do not want them to.. because i tell myself id act on it? when i know i wouldnt. but my mind makes me uncertain when literally when he was single i acted on it, but only when i was single… and bored.. and all this started when i was with my current boyfriend… no other guy.. idk why i fear them breaking up..

walkingocd

Date posted: 1y

@supersillykitty14 SAME, that is called false crush. And also i had the "what if my they broke up, what would i feel?" And so many thoughts related to this. I get you trust me 😭😭😭 this is all OCD

walkingocd

Date posted: 1y

@walkingocd False comfort*** excuse my typo i got excited

ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 1y

@walkingocd ME BEING SCARED OF THEM BREAKING UP IS HAVING A FALSE CRUSH?? i think ive always had js a false crush off and on with him 🙁

walkingocd

Date posted: 1y

@supersillykitty14 No thats not false crush, and i meant false comfort on you feeling comfort. Thats intrusive scenario, what if thought examples.

ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 1y

@walkingocd ohh okayy, but i think my mind is just making a bigger deal than it is.. if they did break up, i think absolutely nothing would happen. but i do think ive just had a false crush for him off and on, hence the homewrecking, never wanting anything serious, js the attention? but feeling horrible abt it yk

ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 1y

@walkingocd and this sounds horribleee, im friends with his cousin… and kike she was saying sum story and i was like “i wish i was related to him so i could be around him 24/7” LIKE NOO. i have said i wish me n him was related so i would have never spoke to him like that. and he was js a normal person in my life.

walkingocd

Date posted: 1y

@supersillykitty14 Typhical OCD. OCD is the one who wants attention, not you

walkingocd

Date posted: 1y

@supersillykitty14 I exprienced this as well. It might be false crush. Mine was it. I hope this helps. If you need more help i can give u my socials

ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 1y

@walkingocd yes sure! but like also when i hear his name i get this spike of anxiety in my chest? like really fast! but i think its a false crush honestly.. in the past i thought i was literally in love with everyone.. when i wasnt😔

walkingocd

Date posted: 1y

@supersillykitty14 This is not false crush actually. Its only the feeling of trigger. I feel that towards to everyone. Especially specific people

ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 1y

@walkingocd omgg, i meant in the pastt 😔 idk what it is specifically now with ocd

ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 1y

@walkingocd but yes, what are your socials

walkingocd

Date posted: 1y

@supersillykitty14 İnstagram : endoplazmikfetikulum

ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 1y

@walkingocd i cant msg you unless you follow me☹️

walkingocd

Date posted: 1y

@supersillykitty14 Oh sorry let me check it

30scd

Date posted: 20w

ROCD/Feelings

I need advice. I’ve had OCD in different forms since I was eight. I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years now. He has always been subtly anxious and jealous. He would say things like, “I find everyone but you ugly” or “I could never find anyone else attractive.” That stressed me out morally, especially since it’s our first relationship and I, of course, want to be good enough for him. It started around the three-month mark of our relationship. Now to the problem: When I see someone who is attractive or cute, it already begins. I start thinking—or rather, I don’t just think, I feel. I genuinely and naturally feel these emotions, like I find that person attractive, like I like them, like I want them. I even feel infatuated, like I want to be with them, spend time with them, be their partner, even sexual scenarios or feelings like I love them. These emotions feel so natural and real that I can’t tell the difference. With one person, I’ve had these feelings for over a year. But I only know most of these people by sight. It could be that I’ve fallen in love with the idea of them. That’s a big issue for me. It completely goes against my moral values. I don’t want this. For me, it would be terrible to have a crush on someone else, to like someone else, or to fall in love with another person. Or worse, to love someone else. Because I do love my partner, and I want a future with him. And I know the relationship wouldn’t survive if my fears came true. Even if he always tells me, ‘No, I wouldn’t break up with you,’ I couldn’t live with it myself. And the thing is, it’s not even such an unrealistic fear. It’s not like I’m afraid I want to kill someone or that I have feelings like that. No, this topic I’m dealing with involves real people. There are many people who suddenly fall for someone else, who develop a crush or even fall in love with another person. And I can’t reconcile that with myself. A year ago, I saw someone, and it hit me like a shock (I think in a negative way). Yes, he is attractive or cute. But in that moment, I felt so much fear, panic, and adrenaline because I felt and thought that I liked him more than my partner. When that happens, I start testing my feelings again. And of course, I feel exactly what I’m afraid of. I then constantly feel this pressure or burden, along with guilt. When I think about a scenario, or imagine the person, those feelings come immediately—followed by fear, panic, and guilt. Because of that, I avoid certain places, things, or even numbers because I’m afraid of being triggered. By now, I’m convinced these are my true feelings, because I just can’t imagine that OCD could produce such emotions, and for such a long time—sometimes over a year. I simply don’t want this. I just feel awful, like a monster. What should I do?

ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 14w

can someone explain this to me? false attraction?

okay, so when i first started getting involved with guys, i wasnt really the nicest person when it came down to it and so, i started talking to this guy. His name in this is gonna be James well I liked this guy, and yk I was just there, I didn’t really like relationships or anything. Wasn’t big on them whatever. Well his friend Jeremy starts taking an interest into me. So I’m like why not? And go for it. And when I did he wasn’t my type at all. I wasn’t attracted to him, like maybe at the time I like had to convince myself he was attractive. And you know, he wanted to get together, this was my first sense of a relationship at all. But I didn’t fantasize about being with him or anything and like hardly thought about him also But we wasn’t together? Just talking. And he’d like talk to other girls. And just everything like that whatever. Well he got with this girl named Mallory and I like was upset. And so I homewrecked it. But when I did I was glad the attention was back? But he asked for a relationship I didn’t want it. And I homewrecked a few more times, and well then. Me and this girl became friends. I forgot about this guy for like months. And then randomly one time I was at his cousins house for an event. And he was there with a different girl. And I was just hanging out with him? I wanted him to find me attractive and what not. But I didn’t want romantically involved with him? well, then we go out of contact for a year, I meet other guys, don’t think about this dude at all. Whatever I get in a relationship with a guy and then break up, and i talked to this guy who slightly looked like jeremy and my sister brought it up. but i only talked to the guy because i wasn’t supposed to? so it made me want to more. and i thought about jeremy once, not missing him or anything still not thinking about Jeremy then I get with my current boyfriend, who I’ve been in love with for two years now? Been together 5 and our past was really horrible a lot of girls and what not guys too? But then. We get together whatever, I love it. I was always worried about other girls, if I’m in love, if this is what I want?, and everything like that, and then it was like everything I did? I’d tell him, talking to a guy, getting intrusive thoughts about them whatever. Then I get an intrusive thought about Jeremy. and it was like horrible. something about his arms? And it’s like my boyfriend told his friends. And his girlfriend found out. the same one I homewrecked my bestfriend, and then it was horrible like the past coming back, and I hated it and I avoid seeing this dude, talking to him, I’d look at him just to see if I’d get the anxiety in my stomach like I couldn’t look at pictures videos or in person without getting sick but I’d feel the need to look? For the feeling of anxiety and the sickening feeling, and I’d tell my boyfriend everytime I looked at him or anything it was horrible, well then it gets horrible, intrusive thoughts about leaving my boyfriend, or comparing him to my boyfriend, or wondering things, or that it’s feelings, and I’d just drive me crazy, like i wont get phone cases, he had or looked similar, emoji’s he used. or anything like that i wont wear his favorite color absolutely nothing. like crying on my boyfriends chest over it. And we broke up over it. The thoughts went away for the couple of hours, I didn’t think of them or anything but as soon as me and him broke up I looked at a pic of Jeremy to see how I felt then I didn’t think of anything else I just wanted to be back with my boyfriend, now we are back together and it’s still happening and the guys name just pops up if I’m like “I love my boyfriend” his name pops up. Or randomly out throught the day, I forgot about it for a little then I’m fine but I went to a therapist and she said intrusive thoughts and ocd and another said that plus anxiety but I need help. I need answers or what other people think. I’ve looked into everything I’ve puked and made myself sick over it so much it’s been a little over a month now. it’s died down after he got a buzz, and school let out. But idk what it is. and my mind constantly wants to figure out the past? and tell me that if i unblock him it will get better? idk. i think in the past it was a false crush?? or something. or i just enjoyed the validation and attention from him.. but when he called me nicknames id be like “omg!!” and freak out? like i cant rmb in a good or bad way. i didnt remember it until my friend mentioned it. please help me.

Relationship OCD

mavis ౨ৎ

Date posted: 6w

help without reassurance

TW. hii, ive been dealing with horrible thoughts as of lately. its gotten to a point where as of recently, ive been starting to eat less, sleep more, and cry a whole lot. i dont know whats wrong with me, i have confusing memories. im in a relationship, and as a highschool girl who loves hard since this is my first relationship, ive been having confusing thoughts about whether or not if i found attraction to a boy last year on a cruise. the first time i met this boy, my boyfriend knew about him because i made sure to update my boyfriend on everything. me and the boy were only friends & thats how i thought my intentions were before. but i dont know why now, a whole year later… ive been having confusing, yet convincing thoughts that i found attraction to the boy and i cheated on my boyfriend. everything seems so convincing, yet makes no sense, but i want to know the answer, did i find that boy attractive, and i try to look back into my memory to remember how i felt, but nothing works, i dont know how i felt or feel anymore. i dont know if these are false memories or theyre real memories. how do i know if they are real, concrete memories & how do i genuinely get rid of these thoughts?

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