unforgivable sin

Last night when I was laying in bed, I was just thinking about my religion. I’m a Christian and for some reason, I said a bad word in my mind about God I’m not gonna type the word on here. I can barely even say it. I just don’t understand why I thought that And I prayed for forgiveness sometimes I feel guilty. Sometimes I don’t. I don’t understand why I said that I know it’s not true. I know I don’t mean it, but what if I did what if God is going to punish me now for that thought I know we’re human and we make mistakes but I just can’t forgive myself for this. I haven’t been able to think about anything else. I’ve been miserable since this happened. I’m just so done and I don’t know what else I can do.

So I almost said something against the Holy Spirit the devil has been trying to get me to say something against it for like weeks now and has been trying to get me to see Jesus in like a scary way with like devil horns and all of that stuff like that and then last night he made the cross my mind where I wasn’t scared to go to hell but I truly am and I see how he’s playing on my emotions and the fact that where I tried to cry, but I couldn’t cry anymore and he keeps trying to convince me to say these things that I don’t wanna say and he he keeps trying to get me to say that I curse the Holy Spirit, but I don’t I really truly don’t and then I just started to feel weird last night like I didn’t feel anything I felt really empty and then I keep praying and trying to talk to God, but I can’t feel him or the Holy Spirit. I’m scared because I feel like I’m going to hellwhat do I do? Also like as if he was on the cross and that they Holy Spirit is evil. Every form of blasphemy I feel like I’ve committed how do I fix this because now I feel empty and scared to go to hell

What if I just committed blasphemy? In my mind, I was doing compulsions and I accidentally said the Holy Spirit is not of God but of the you know who I don’t even wanna type that on there because I know it’s not true and I’m worried that I committed blasphemy and I’m worried that if I type it, I’ll commit blasphemy I don’t wanna do this I don’t know what to do. I really don’t mean that.