Username: BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w ago

Trying to believe in myself despite the thoughts

I tell myself so much that I don't believe in myself and that I feel like a bad person and that events of the past leave me greatly uncertain about who I am no thanks to OCD. When it comes to who I was as a teenager, to be honest, I was straight up fucking weird. I did weird things, I acted out, I wasn't good at socializing with people, and the more I try to look back into the events of the past, the more disturbed and disappointed I become. That just was not the person I wanted to be. I just wanna be able to put all of that aside and just be nice to myself. Be kind to myself and accept myself for who I am and just be confident. The thing is OCD doesn't let me. It feels like I'm not OWED to feel that way about myself or that I don't deserve to. Or that I need the permission of OCD to feel that way. I don't want it to be that way. I just want to be able to think positive about myself despite the past but that's next to impossible.

Username: hanysm@gmail.comhanysm@gmail...

Date posted: 20w ago

We (not only you) are the product of our choices and experiences. You now looking back and feeling not good about those times, shows that you have changed to the better. Your mind and thoughts are actually your friend, and it is trying to keep you from slipping back into that person you were. Nothing worse than a person who carries no remorse for his/his bad actions. Feeling guilty is a form of energy that has to be consumed. Either you direct that energy to be consumed in a beneficial way, like the suggestion of 1230Anonymous, or it will consume you. Try to get busy and be around those who love you or need help. Consume this energy to balance the older you, by the new you. Don't think to set those memories aside, rather use them as fuel for something new and good. Go out, walk in the sun, enjoy life, because you have a vast reserve of energy to use. Have a great day 😃

Username: BigGyro09BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w ago

I guess when you put it like that, it does help. I don't want to be the person I was as a teenager. I don't want to make those same decisions but I'm also in fear of making any mistakes or doing just about anything at times. Sometimes it feels like it's too late to live the life I want because of the things that have happened in the past. Actually, it does help a lot when you put it in the perspective of the anxiety just trying to protect me from things happening. It's trying to do so in many different forms of thoughts and it doesn't let up.

Username: KernaKerna

Date posted: 20w ago

I get you. I feel like I’ve lost my personality, and it’s also difficult to feel confident.

Username: BigGyro09BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w ago

Yeah. Just tired of feeling sorry for myself. I know it's OCD but still. Just want to be able to love myself and think well again

Username: hanysm@gmail.comhanysm@gmail...

Date posted: 20w ago

1. If it is too late to change, then it is too late to ponder upon it. But your mind is active and telling you not to be the old you. So basically your mind is telling the opposite to what you writing. I told you, your mind is your friend and is trying to help. As to being afraid of repeating the same mistakes, why do you think your thoughts are there for? To make sure you don't do those again. Even if you make mistakes, you now know how to use those lessons learned positively. My friend, get up, take a shower, get and go for a nice walk, be happy that you have a conscious that is making you a better person. Go enjoy life and make mistakes, we all do them. Who knows maybe I did by giving you this advice, lol... Noooo trust in the new you. Have a great day

Username: 1230Anonymous1230Anonymous

Date posted: 20w ago

You’re a different person now with good values, so maybe volunteer for an organization that can use your kindness - give your ocd something to fight against

Username: BigGyro09BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w ago

What do I have to do to start truly believing that? How do I just bring myself to turn the tide despite OCD nagging me endlessly

Username: 1230Anonymous1230Anonymous

Date posted: 20w ago

@BigGyro09 I just gave you a suggestion!!! Haha

Username: BigGyro09BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w ago

@1230Anonymous Oh. Well, I have done that in the past and I would like to do it again sometime. Maybe I just have to keep the positive things much closer to me than the negative somehow

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 20w ago

You’ve helped me a lot when I post. I have the same thing. To be honest I was weird into my early twenties. Some days the guilt and urge to confess is paralyzing. I get it. I miss how carefree I used to be. I still have good days though and you will too.

Username: BigGyro09BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w ago

I'm glad that I was able to help. It's just hard to actually think positive with this disorder floating around

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 20w ago

@BigGyro09 Yeah, it’s a nightmare. I’ve made mistakes too, but even with that I have moments of happiness. All emotions come in waves

Username: BigGyro09BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w ago

@Anonymous Yeah, I do too. Intrusive thoughts just take that away from us. The problem is that they feel real and legitimate but there's always the other side of the spectrum that tries hard to say I'm not what I fear.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 20w ago

Try doing nice things for yourself like going to the gym or doing whatever activity you enjoy. I’ve found that I can push past the guilt and enjoy things again.

Username: BigGyro09BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w ago

Drawing helps sometimes, playing games I feel is helping less, and this summer I do really want to go to the gym. I hear so much that this stuff can be helpful in so many ways

Username: 🌸

Date posted: 3y ago

People can change right?? I did terrible things..even last year. Probably even this year. Which would make me my fears. But I regret them so much,I generally just want to move on and be a better person, but I feel I don't deserve to..this isn't ocd making a little bad thing bad, these things were terrible. And I know it,, everybody would know it. I just want to love myself for who I am today, not my past. I chang everyday but I generally feel so much guilt and disgust. The ocd with intrusive thoughts that I wanna do it all again. Makes me feel I still am my fears...I hate it so much. This wasn't 1 mistake or 2..or even 3. It was so so so many disgusting, horrible,shameful mistakes. I did for years and years. And I mean 11+ years.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

I was a very very damaged child and I did a lot of weird inappropriate things and I was all kinds of messed up. Uneducated, and lazy and all these things my family and friends and teachers told me. I was a troubled kid. And idk why. I really don’t. My parents did suck with the whole emotional support and I really needed a lot of it I guess. So I kept looking other places for that support. Eventually I got it from myself NOW. But still I feel so embarrassed and sad for that young me. Anyway, I feel like despite all the fucked up shit I did as a kid, I grew into such an amazing person. I’ve had my flaws and made mistakes 100% but I’ve loved and cared for others so genuinely. I think I’m a good person I really do, I make bad choices at times but I am human. But all in all, I’m GOOD. And it’s been proven so much from ppl who tell me and who hurt me and come back apologizing. I don’t mind admitting I was wrong etc. but I can’t help but feel like I’m this creep weirdo kid still? Why can’t I have peace with that 7 year old isn’t me anymore and she also just needed love. I can not forgive myself honestly & my ocd makes it 100000x worse cuz it involved real events.

Username: ghost

Date posted: 18w ago

OCD makes me feel like a bad person (vent)

OCD makes me feel like i am the scum of the earth and i believe it is true. i’ve done horrible things in the past when i was younger that i am not proud of. i know people say that we have to forgive ourselves for our past mistakes/know that our mistakes don’t define us or what not, but i feel like what i’ve done is irredeemable. although i was young back then, it dosent make it an excuse bc i am old enough to know it was wrong. why would i do that?? i’ve tried to forgive myself, but i keep going back in a loop bc of my OCD. what if i am using my OCD as an excuse? i don’t know what to do, please help.

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