Worried about cancer and nowhere to turn to.

TW. Basically I'm convinced that I have cancer and I've been convinced of this for a long time. I have this lump under my rib that's been there for a long time. I don't know how long but it's definitely been multiple years, since my early teens likely (I'm 17). I find that it doesn't tend to hurt, only occasionally and the times that it hurts seems to coincide with when I've been worrying about it? It's quite hard, but not as hard as bone, and it isn't visible, only noticeable through feeling it. I can't think of any symptoms aside from the lump, I feel like I breathe okay and stuff. I do also feel like the back of my head feels lumpy, which I have worried about too. I want to cry because at this point I feel like I've accepted something I don't even know because I'm convinced the chances of it being nothing bad are so low. The only way to know would be going to the doctor but I just can't. I can't describe the feeling of having convinced myself of something that could actually turn out to be true. It's crushing. And just now I feel like I could feel the same kind of hardness around the back of my rib. All that's going through my head is how I don't think I could cope with going to the doctor. Because at this point I'm convinced that because it's been there for so long, even if it's something that was once treatable, it might not be anymore. If it was a recent development I would go to the doctor, but I'm just so scared of the idea. The thought that "oh it's been there for ages and years" used to reassure me, but I'm not so sure anymore. I know this might be reassurance seeking, but I am genuinely worried about this. I've asked on Reddit twice now, the first time was ages and ages ago, and I've received no reply at all. I'm just so scared. I'm not sure I have anyone else to turn to. I don't think this really belongs here but I have nowhere or no one else. I'm terrified out of my mind and because of the prospect of this actually possibly being real and scary. I'm sorry.

Nugget_5089

Date posted: 1y

Hi, this sounds really devastating. I want to start with the fact that you shouldn’t feel the need to apologize for genuine fear of your health. Don’t apologize over feelings! I do it all the time and I over apologize way too much. I’ve been working on catching it and something that has worked for me is just boosting my general confidence and esteem. That may not be a problem for you I don’t know but I’m sharing what helped me! Secondly, as for the lumps you are describing, make that appointment with the doctor! If you are in the financial means and situation to my opinion is rather be safe then sorry. Even if the idea that it might not be treatable can be fought because you don’t actually know. It might be treatable. Not all lumps are also tumors or cancerous tumors. If you are able to talk to someone about making an appointment with a doctor I would just get it tested out. It may come back that it’s completely fine 🤷‍♀️. OCD will always play with your mind to give the worst case scenario so it can give you compulsions to “help” The best way to fight it is to just take it step by step. My therapist once told me to replace “what if” with “even if” it’s helped me trick myself to some confidence and makes me think of the answer to my possible fear. something like “even if this lump is a problem, I will find trusted doctors and medical professionals to aid me in getting better.” “even if something happens, I can still make the best of whatever comes my way and I trust myself to fight.” idk if that makes sense i’m like a year younger than you so i may make no sense at all lmao i tried😭😅

squirrelobse...

Date posted: 1y

Thank you so much for your reply it helped <3. I've seemed to calm down slightly now, but I still don't know about the doctor thing. Because right now the fear that I'm living with is constant, but it's at the back of my mind and it's only occasionally that I panic like this. But imagining the fear if it came back as untreatable.. It's unimaginable. I'll consider it some more, definitely, and I'll talk to my mum about it too. Just every possible scenario I imagine hurts so much, so it's hard to think about going to the doctor. Also you made loads of sense don't worry haha! And I really like the idea of "even if something happens, I can still make the best of whatever comes my way and I trust myself to fight". That actually helped me, and I'm definitely gonna keep that one in my mind. Thank you so much again :).

carol.xxx

Date posted: 22w

Health anxiety please help x

Hey friends… I am in a really low place regarding my health anxiety. I am absolutely terrified of cancer. Im only 17 years old and im worrying more about health then living my life its very draining. At the moment I have a very chesty cough which has lasted around two weeks and a runny nose and just full sinuses. I woke up from my sleep tonight and woke up completely wet in sweat and itchy. I am terrified in case ive got cancer. I get so so scared It genuinely is not only affecting me but everyone else around me im pulling them down too. 💔 I am UK based and recently got a job and even then its all I can think about. Im crying my eyes out scared ☹️ To anyone else going through this your not alone and its so consuming. ❤️‍🩹

Chessmixxd

Date posted: 9w

Cause For Concern

I'm going to try and be coherent because I know that sometimes during these moments I tend to babble in fear. I have a mole on the left side of my chest that I've had since I was a kid. Been there for as long as I remember. And I never paid attention to it; it was just a part of my body. I even felt a little sad considering that I might not have it anymore whenever I get top surgery. Yesterday I went down a rabbit hole and landed on Melanoma. Which, of course, prompted me to look at my mole again. And again. And again. It's large, bigger than my other moles. Always has been, at least to my knowledge. I always thought it was cute whenever it crossed my mind. Now...now I'm just scared... I'm not asking for reassurance. None of us on here are medical experts (unless youre an actual doctor) (also insert OCD joke here). I sent a picture to my doctor, and she said that if it hasnt changed size that's a good sign. But she also suggested a follow-up with a dermatologist. And that's what scares me the most. All of this started yesterday, but I sent the message to my doctor this morning. And ever since then...I havent been okay. I can barely eat, and every time I try to I can barely swallow. I've isolated myself in the guest bedroom of my parents house. I cant move. I cant think straight. And...let's just say my thoughts havent been good. Like I said, I'm not asking for reassurance or medical advice. I just...I need help to not feel like I'm dying. I didnt mention that yesterday, in the midst of going down the rabbit hole, I realized how badly I didnt want to be afraid, and yet I also felt like I needed to be afraid. And I realized that that's what ERP is (at least for me in case it's different for everyone). I really did naivietely think that it was just going to be about avoiding compulsions. I didnt realize that accepting uncertainty would feel like a death sentence. And now this has happened. I just...I'm scared. And I dont want to be. I dont want to live in this reality where I'm sick and dying. I dont want to have to tell my family. I dont want to live in that world, but it feels like I'm already in it. My body is just preparing me for it. I dont know. I dont know why I'm even making this post. No one can help me, can they?

suzie90

Date posted: 7w

Stomach cancer fears health OCD

31 year old female. I have IBS and POTS for some background. Since Sunday however I am scared I could have stomach cancer. Back in March I had to start taking propranolol for my POTS which caused horrific acid reflux and the feeling of a lump in my throat. I am waiting for new medication but my cardiologist is so bad at getting back to me. Anyway, last week I didn’t take much propranolol (I try to only take them when my POTS is bad) and I had three good days anxiety wise. On Sunday however I woke up at 4am needing to rush to the loo, I felt a bit nauseous which panicked me because I have a big fear of throwing up. Anyway since then I have had stomach discomfort, no appetite, feeling nauseous and some indigestion. It is really scaring me because I came across a TikTok that said symptoms of stomach cancer can be an increased heart rate, acid reflux, stomach discomfort, change in bowel habits etc. I have convinced myself that I don’t have POTS and that my increased heart rate is due to stomach cancer (sometimes I get night time adrenaline dumps which makes my heart rate shoot up). I’m scared that the feeling of a lump in my throat is also connected to stomach cancer, as is the stomach discomfort and bowel changes. I have had a clear bowel cancer screening, and mild inflammation and a faecal calprotectin test that was mildly elevated at 53 (normal levels are below 50). GP said she wasn’t concerned but referred me for further test anyway but that’s not for a few months. Also it’s mostly my stomach I’m concerned about. I can’t stop thinking I am missing something. I have a GP appointment booked but I’m scared I’ve left it too late and whatever is going on with me is growing and spreading and it will be too late. I’m really, really scared. I feel like for the last three months most days I have completely lost myself. But the last five days have been so so bad, I have googled constantly and just feel like I’m never going to feel better because of my stomach. I just really needed to vent. I have been referred for therapy but I can’t help thinking this is not anxiety and is just something I’m brushing off as anxiety. I’m really scared and just don’t know what to do :(

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Worried about cancer and nowhere to turn to.

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