Parents wont let me stay over my bfs house as a 23 year old

I wanted to preface by saying, I graduated from college, and I just turned 23. I have only been home for a year now. If I had the money and a job to move out I would have already, but it is impossible to get a job nowadays. I only am a barista currently, but that is not enough for anything. Anyways, my boyfriend and I have been together for about three years now, we were long distance during college, but we live in the same home town. This is our first year that we are not long distance and it finally feels like our relationship is real. My parents love my boyfriend and I also have a great relationship with his family. His parents are more than okay with me sleeping over his house on the weekends, since we work during the week. His parents have even sat me down and asked why my parents are not okay with me sleeping over, which I found funny. My parents are chill, but when it comes to sleeping over my bfs house they are against it fully. I have never had privacy at home because I share a room with my sister and there are 7 other people in my house. I only get privacy when I go to my bfs house as it is quiet there and peaceful. My dad is scarier than my mother so I am scared to get reprimanded by him, I have only really talked about this with my mother and her arguments are: - It is disrespectful to my bfs parents (its their house and they are okay with it so it is not technically disrespectful) - I live in her house so its their rules - I am their child (yes I was a child and am their child, but now I am a full fledge adult so they cannot classify me as a child anymore) - They pay for everything (not everything but they are housing me and I do not have to pay bills, but I do pay for most of my own things) Those are the main points to their argument. I understand their side as I always try to understand where everyone is coming from. Everyone I know and even my therapist who is a mother herself have said that I am an adult, I should be able to do whatever I want and to just go for it regardless of what they say. It's not like I am disrespectful to them or anything, I literally keep to myself. I have slept at my bfs before but rarely, and when I have they have had no issue with it, but when I have tried to again, my mother scolded me. I am having anxiety about this and need advice please.

Username: curefan6curefan6

Date posted: 20w ago

i am in a very similar situation. my boyfriend and i are both adults, he says his mom would never care if i slept over, yet my parents are firmly against it. they also argue that it’s inappropriate and disrespectful to his mom despite her not caring. it’s very frustrating and i don’t have advice because im experiencing the same thing, but i just want you to know you’re not alone!

Username: AnnellaAnnella

Date posted: 20w ago

wow i appreciate it so much, thank you for sharing. is there anything else you want to vent on about it?

Username: curefan6curefan6

Date posted: 20w ago

@Annella of course! i also just feel bad sometimes because i wonder if he thinks my parents don’t like him. i don’t want him to feel that way and ive told him they don’t think that, they’re just weird about it

Username: ChibeeChibee

Date posted: 18w ago

Woahhh you just described my life! I’m a barista too, dated my bf LDR in college and am now home, and we are about the same age🤣🤣 Did you ever figure out how to navigate this? I deal with similar issues with my family but even over the most minor stuff—I don’t even get to go out with my partner late. 🙁 My dad is incredibly paranoid. He didn’t even allow me to date in college, and I lost almost everything fighting for my relationship.

Username: VerlineGVerlineG

Date posted: 20w ago

I also am in the same situation, have you guys tried planning a weekend getaway once every couple of weeks like a short vacation but you can still spend some alone time with your boyfriend

Username: AnnellaAnnella

Date posted: 20w ago

@VerlineG we have but i’m just never satisfied and it’s money, pls explain me your situation so i can feel better

Username: VerlineGVerlineG

Date posted: 20w ago

@Annella My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, I go over his house a lot because I’m in a family of 8, so I won’t have peace and alone time with him, plus I share a room with my little sister. In the past my parents used to judge me for going to his house a lot instead of him coming here, but I eventually learned to just go around it and not tell them when I go, but again this is my scenario. Maybe what you can do is like have a whole entire day from sun up to sun down where you guys can spend time together and you only leave to go home. Like you can go to his house in the morning and go to the gym together come back home and eat together and just be with each other the whole day, start a new show together and watch a new movie, doing this helped me a lot.

Username: AnnellaAnnella

Date posted: 20w ago

@VerlineG - holy omg we literally have the same scenario, i have a family of 8 as well omg. ru me

Username: Chellie

Date posted: 5y ago

How to deal with parents while having severe OCD? I love them a lot but they threaten to kick me out if I disturb their sleep with panic attacks and I can't really control those except for doing compulsions which makes my anxiety worse long term. Which they also aren't happy about. I'm really anxious about this all as my home is my most safe place so to speak, I really don't wanna get kicked out and if anyone has advice I'd love to hear it. (Also meds don't really work much for me unfortunately)

Username: jmr

Date posted: 4y ago

I live in NYC - I’m 29 and was diagnosed with ocd over ten years ago. I came home during quarantine to make sure my parents are okay and spend quality time since we don’t normally get this time. (Please know, I quarantined for over three weeks before seeing them to make sure I wasn’t infecting them) I told them that I am going to go back to my apt in nyc at some point in May and they FREAKED out. There are multiple reasons I would like to be back in my own apartment, but the main one is my ocd is getting worse out here. The routine is crucial and being in my own home is what I think will be mentally the healthiest choice for me. They don’t understand and I’ve tried to explain numerous times. I’m the youngest and will always be the “baby” - even though I’m almost 30. They worry it’s too dangerous, but it’s just as dangerous where we are now as well. I am so lucky I have my parents and that we were able to spend this time together and I love them so much, but I’m an adult and feel I need to set boundaries for what’s best for me. Does this make sense or am I crazy?? Help??!! My brain is out of control right now.

Relationship OCD

Username: emma18

Date posted: 3y ago

Hello everyone. This fall I plan to move out of my parents house and live on my own. I’m extremely nervous about this. I feel like when I’m alone my thoughts and obsessions and anxiety get worse, and also a lot of the times I’m in such a bad place I can’t drive myself anywhere or feel safe anywhere, so I rely on my parents and my friends to drive me places or I won’t get out at all. Is it a bad idea to move out of my childhood home if I can barely do anything without extreme anxiety? I just don’t know what to do. I know I can live here forever and I have to move out eventually, but I feel like I’ll never really be ready.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Parents wont let me stay over my bfs house as a 23 year old

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community