If we do it may have triggers to do with sa against me and survivors guilt.. I just really need to talk to someone right now, I'm really not doing well. I can't stop crying
My dear sweet selfless friend. After quite some days of not checking the NOCD app, sth just kept telling me to see what's happening on it. First thing I come across your post. It breaks my heart to see you are struggling. You knowingly or unknowingly have always been there for me when I was and am drowning and I can honestly say that you have saved me from feeling that there is no future for me anymore. Not once. Often. You are such a good person. I only wish I knew you in person. I am thankful that I the past you at that moment decided to save yourself. You should not feel selfish. You are an amazing person. How many people in your shoes back then wouldn't have chosen to save themselves?! Please, in today's selfish and egotistical world, no matter what one could claim, the vast majority would save themselves and forget about others and any possible feelings of guilt afterwards. You have been spreading yourself thin for others. You say it is out of guilt. I say, for every single one of us on the receiving end, no one cares if it is out of need or guilt, we are thankful to you. No amount of guilt could make you help others if you were not a kind, sensitive, selfless, emphatic, giving person. Even when the anxiety is chocking you by telling you it is not you being nice, but out of guilt, show it the middle finger, because it is wrong. You might feel the guilt, but without your essence of goodness and kindness, you would just disregard the guilt and not give a damn. I know ocd is not logical and it is useless to approach it that way. But still, ocd doesn't accept logic, that doesn't mean you can't beat it with it. Dear dearest sweet friend, I wish you could feel how much I and obviously also many others care for you. You were the one who told me to forgive myself and look forward not back into the past. Please, accept the past, distance your emotions from it, listen to Free Bird, take the guitar in your hands, sing and give the solo all your emotions and energy. It helps me every single time. I do not play the guitar, sadly I gave it up after a few months as a child, but I still let myself get carried away with the music. Have you read the book Jonathan Livingston Seagull? I often feel out of place like him and if ocd permitted me, I would live my life the way he does. Sending you a million hugs. Love you dear friend. I hope you are feeling better. I apologize if my writing above doesn't make any sense or might seem stupid. I just hope you get the gist of it all. Thinking of you. 🤗🤩🍀🌞😊🧡
It makes sense. Thank you. I guess I've been a bit hypocritical with the advice on looking forward. I honestly don't know how it's humanly possible to cry as much as I have today
I might get that book. I would provide a longer response but I'm emotionally exhausted and drained 😢
@Wolfram No, you have not been hypocritical at all. You were right. The only problem is, that is so horribly hard to get rid of the reminiscing and thinking about the past. Actually, I have come to believe, that both, going back to the past over and over again and focusing on the future are almost equally harmful. The past is gone. Can't change anything. We can learn from it, but without giving it our present. The future is the future. We never know how much of it we have. Actually, all we have is the now, the present moment. So, if we focus on the now, on how we are feeling at a given moment and observe it without reacting to it with judgements or expectations, our lives might just become more bearable to live. We might become calmer and happier. The only trick now is, that I need to find a way to listen to myself and follow what I "preach". And that is hard. I know, sweety, it is astonishing and shocking how much pain a human being can carry inside. How much anxiety, desperation. Tears are born out of that to save us from losing our mind and from collapsing. I am soooooo sorry you have had to go through all those tears today. I hope you feel better soon.
@Wolfram Don't worry. Please find a way to make yourself feel better. Force yourself to do sth you otherwise enjoy. Watch a funny show, listen to music,...Whatever usually makes you feel better. Or just fall asleep. If your ocd is telling youl that you don't deserve to make yourself feel better, do it as a favor to me. This way, you will feel better, and I will be happy. I have had days like this in the past. I now have a fobia of feeling that way ever again. It feels like you are losing yourself. Terrible. I wouldn't wish that on anybody. And especially not you. Hugs. Please, put yourself first. Now it is a must. You must love yourself. You have all the reasons to. You are an amazing person. 🌞
I agree with all of these comments. You're amazing ♥️
♥️♥️♥️
Im here. I might not can help but I can listen.
Thank you. Long story short I have had survivors guilt for about 20 years now because I chose to safe myself and forgot to think about saving others. I think I've felt guilty for that and I have been trying to save everyone else ever since. It's tearing me apart. I will always help people but I don't want to feel like this every time I do I want distance from this. Distance from this guilt. I want to help because I want to help in that moment, not because I feel like I'm trying to make up for a selfish reaction I made all those years ago. I want to break the cycle. I need to. I can't do this anymore
@Wolfram Wolf you are the most self less person I’ve ever met you always do anything you can for anyone on here and I always see you giving out advice or whatever is needed . You are not a superhero and you are not GOD you can NOT save or help everyone it just isn’t humanly possible as sad as that is
@Blueberrycows ^ couldn’t agree more, you are always so helpful and positive to everyone here.
@Blueberrycows Thank you. Balling my eyes out right now. My ocd was doing so well but I feel like this past experience is an anchor and I can't move until I find a way to let it go. I know I can't save everyone, but I feel i'll never stop pursuing that impossible future. I want to stop. I feel trapped in this hell loop
@Anonymous Thank you 😭
@Wolfram I understand buddy just understand you’re not in this alone and we are here to help and give back like you have helped us ❤️
@Blueberrycows Couldn’t have put it better myself! Wolf is so awesome and deserves to live the most happy life ever frfrfr
@shazey_k Thank you 😞
Does anyone have any resources on how to fix this problem? I need to be free of it. Enough is enough. I've served my time with this unwanted survivor guilt bs. I need to start new, I need to
@Wolfram Maybe there’s a support group in your area?
@shazey_k I think maybe there is. I'll look into it.
I also agree with Blueberrycows. You can't save everyone. It's not your job to save everyone. Have you ever thought what could have happened to you if you didn't save yourself? Sometimes hard places make us have to make hard decisions.
I've actually never thought about that. Not even once.. Wtf. Why haven't I ever thought of that..
I still can't process what you asked. I think something in my head is stopping me, maybe that's why I never thought to ask it myself. Any suggestions?
@Wolfram Sometimes we have to make tough decisions based on the situation. It sounds like you were in a terrible place, which I know is probably an understatement. You had to help you. That wasn't selfish, I would say it sounds like survival. Maybe that was all you were capable of doing at that time. It seems OCD has latched on to you wanting to help others due to guilt, but what you're attempting to do(save everyone) just isn't possible. You stated you have been doing well but this feels like an anchor keeping you in this hell. It sounds like this is an area you are going to have to heal from and that will take time. You are going to have to give yourself grace and compassion on this journey of healing. Maybe apply ERP. I didn't save others, maybe, maybe not. And sit with the anxiety and uncertainty.
Wolfram, how are you feeling? I hope
I hope it got better. I know it's hard. I have been fighting despair and depression and loneliness lately. I hope your ocd got friendlier to you. Thinking of you and wishing you all the nicest, best, well.
Still the same but signed up for a 12 week well-being programme and decided to get therapy for this survivors guilt. I never actually dealt with it in therapy because I hadn't fully identified it back then. I want a new start in life. I want to leave my past behind.
@NODA I'm sorry you're going through that. I'm just going to take it a day at a time. I hope you feel better soon too
@Wolfram I am proud of you. Yeah, focusing on the past is wasting the present. And today is all we really got. I hope I remember that when my past starts haunting me again. It is so much easier to be smart for others than to follow your own preaching. What is a 12 week we'll-bring Programme? How exactly does it function? I don't like to promote anything or anyone, but since you are trying to do what I have also been trying to learn how to do, I would like to recommend a book for you which deals exactly with that. It is called The power of now. It is also awailable on YouTube as a almost 8 hours long audio book. I have only listened to it for 2 hours. I have been having trouble focusing when I am reading lately. It scares me. So instead of feeling stupid or inadequate or less intelligent than I would like to believe I am, I listen to it. It might take more than once over reading or listening. But somehow it makes sense and touches the core issue of ocd, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, acceptance, non judgement... It is up to you if you give it a go or not. I think we could all benefit from it to a certain extent. It might be hard work if one decides to follow its teachings, but if one succeeds, I believe life becomes truly beautiful. Anyhow, I am sorry for not replying earlier. I did not get any alerts that you replied. As a matter of fact, I was thinking of you, a bit worried how you were doing and I decided to look up one of your last posts to ask you Only then, 10 min ago, I saw your answer from a week ago. I truly wish NOCD fixed that problem. They know how to make it work, since a year ago it worked just fine. Whatever went wrong? It's very annoying. Have a lovely day. Thank you for your sympathy and words of support.
@NODA So the course is basically 2-4 hours a week I believe in two hour slots. One week is gardening and the alternating weeks is a group chat session where you're in a circle and share your issues, or listen to others. I'm hoping to do cbt or something else alongside it. I'll give the audio book a listen. I'll take any recommendations. I hope you're doing well. Thank you for being so supportive
If anyone is free I really need to talk. I’m panicking
Just woke up and feel terrible about my events and everything. Is there someone available?
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