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I used to think my pocd were 'on purpose' but they're absolutely not, that's the OCD telling you they are. The fact you think you're a terrible person for them goes to show that they're completely against your morales! I hope you feel better soon!

i’ve had the same exact thing before, it’s a scary feeling and it makes you feel terrible. when i’ve suffered with that, i had to remember that thoughts are just thoughts, regardless of where they come from. just because a thought/feeling/memory/whatever is passing through, doesn’t mean that it is true. it could be, anything is possible, but you have to lean into that uncertainty to see progress. i wish you the best :)