idk how to go about this

I’m 20 years old and Christian.I’ve started having thoughts that one day I will be a drug addict and that I look like a drug addict.never in my life have I touched drugs or did them.i grew up in a household with people that did those things.my aunt passed away from it in 2015.my mom is set free because of making up her mind and jesus setting her free.I’ve dealt with other type of OCD thoughts.I’ve tried looking up fear of drugs and I found some people who struggled but not a whole lot like if I were to search up other OCD thoughts.every time I see someone that is struggling with drugs or is drunk it just scares me.I live in a small town so I can tell (I’m not in any way trying to assume someone else’s life but you can tell from certain people and I don’t judge them I really do feel bad for them).I’ve seen posts about people who’s face completely changed from drugs and it just terrifies me to the point where I’m going to panic.just like with harm OCD,I would see murder cases and immediately get scared that one day that would be me doing harm to someone.please tell me I’m not alone.I’m afraid of ever falling in love with someone who does do drugs,smokes or drinks because I know that who we hang around and get attached to,we will do what they do if we are not careful.hopefully this makes sense.again I’m not judging people who do them at all.I feel very bad for them because they are trying to fill a void with something that just isn’t worth it.at the same time it’s like I’m okay fearing it because it will keep from ever doing them because I know how much harm it does.I have thoughts and images of people drugging me.thoughts telling me “you look like a drug addict”.this is scaring me.some days I just want to move away where no one knows me.

So many thoughts are coming into my head right now I don’t know how to think. I don’t even know how I am going to put this into words on here I just don’t know what to do . I am so scared of throwing up it’s so hard to explain . Everybody tells me “well no likes getting sick” but they don’t get it. It’s not just that, I am scared about getting any major illness and my mind keeps making me think that everything will give me food poisoning or a stomach bug if I am not careful or if I don’t check my temperature ten times in a row . I have to wash every produce throughly if I don’t I will do it again. And it sucks . Every time my stomach hurts I think that I will get sick. I barely eat and sleep because I am so scared . I am scared to sleep because I genuinely think that “anything can happen while I am asleep” so even if I take sleep medication my mind makes me stay awake out of fear. I just want to feel normal . I can never eat out without doing research of the place I am eating at and even after that it doesn’t help. I always feel worried that I will get sick on an important date just because that day is important like Halloween or an upcoming concert or hanging out with friends , so now I just mainly stay at home … but it hurts me because i want to live ( it's ironic because Liv is my name) so badly . my dream is to someday go on a Europe trip but i can hardly leave my state without thinking that something bad will happen to me . its getting unbearable at times . I wonder what it would feel like to not be completely burdened by anxiety and horribly disgusting thoughts every second of my life. And if you're wondering why I haven't had any medication prescribed to me is because I am also scared about taking any medication . I just feel helpless and it's my own fault . And I know I am holding myself back at times but I just don't know how to stop being scared and how to stop worrying about every aspect of my life . It's going to drive me insane .

Please help… I’m starting to panic and I know I shouldn’t do this because it’s a compulsion and I’m looking for reassurance but I wanna know if it happens to others so I just watched a video on TikTok about this mother loosing her child to fentanyl and like I don’t know why every time a drug is mentioned or like I see someone drugged in the street my mind instantly makes me feel the urge of wanting the drug when I really don’t or making me think I’m gonna become addicted to a drug (I don’t do drugs I’m scared) like it scares me because I see what they do to people but it makes me feel like the urge to do it or to think I might become addicted or I might go try it and become an addict idk the worst case scenario it makes me think or like someone is gonna drug me. Like I always feel like someone is gonna drug me I always feel like someone is out to drugging me or I grab something and i immediately think I’m gonna become drugged. I hate it.