PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

I cant forget what my therapist told me a year ago

I went to therapy a year ago for 8 months with my suicidal ocd, and i stopped going because many reasons and i feel guilt cause i might have been really angry and waywarded, even if i accept it that i was like that its okay it doesnt help cause then i jump into "that means what she told me was real". So what she told me was that i have suicidal thoughts but i also have ocd, and this just made me crazy and this is one of the reason i left therapy. I was so depressed when she told me this cause i thought i am actually suicidal. Since a year this comes back everytime, that she was right, im maybe suicidal i was just so wayward and anxious that i didnt wanted to face the pain. It happened too many times now i even thinking about going to another therapist to ask what to do with this cause it makes me feel guilt and panic. Saying maybe maybe not doesnt helps cause i think "but if she was right this doesnt helps cause i keep avoiding the real problem and i not face with it". It is so hard to face it and say she was right tho... it makes me feel so bad to think that i actually have suicidal tendecy... I keep having these thoughts even after doing recovery work so i question if its really ocd...

Suicidal OCD

Endlessly Po...

Date posted: 1y

What kind of things did you do for erp for this theme?

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

For suicidal ocd or for what my therapist said?

Endlessly Po...

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 For suicidal ocd, I am going through the same and would love any pointers you have

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Im watching Ali Greymond and Ocd recovery channel, and i try to use their advices. But from this therapist i got this so idk... its annoys me that everytime i ask this noone says anything about this... well offcourse no one knows what my therapist ment... but just something, some advice how do i face this...

Endlessly Po...

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 This has been a hard theme for me too, but just allowing the thought to occur and not really paying it attention seems to help. ERP has been very hard too

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous yeah but idk what to do with what my therapist said... it keeps scaring me everytime i get this theme

Endlessly Po...

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 I understand, that must have been scary to hear. A sucidal person wants to die. If you don’t want to die, then who cares what they said

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous I dont want to,i always come back to i dont want to, but that just made me always avoid this problem by fear. I still say i dont want to but when im in a deep sadness or feel hopeless or something bad, i feel likei cant handle this and then the thoughts pops up, i do not engage with them but i keep rumminating that because of hopelessnes or depression this thoughts might be genuine. But i always get lost in that rummination of am i wanting this or not, and knowing that ocd can cause false feelings, its hard to understand if this is real or not

Endlessly Po...

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 I feel the exact same way, it’s so hard. But we got this!

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 Right now it happens too,im going through a hard time and i realized i push away alot of feelings. And now letting them be it keeps popping out these thoughts cause sometimes i feel like i cant handle all these emotions, and the thoughts in that moment feels genuine, but ofc i dont want to die. Everytime i feel like i do add to this and i have real tendecy and i will never know it if i just avoid it...

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Do you have the same problems? Many times i talk with people with suicidal ocd, they just have the knife fear or worries that they might hurt themself one day... but not many has an actual depressive feeling or hopelessness that causes the thoughts

Endlessly Po...

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 Absolutely have the same thoughts. Every day I get thoughts like “you don’t want to live” or “you want to die” I know it’s all BS, I love my life and don’t want to die

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous But do these thoughts pop up when youre in a normal mood, or when youre stressed or depressed or you feel like you cant handle things?

Endlessly Po...

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 They pop up all day long, regardless of mood. I am in therapy and it’s helping, erp is just very hard.

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Okay i was afraid of this... cause mine pops up when im feeling like i can handle things...

Endlessly Po...

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 At the end of the day, you don’t want to die…so who cares about the thoughts?

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous If it has a pattern i have to work on it tho... maybe thats why i keeps popping up everytime i have to struggle with something.

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 Okay this is the hardest time in my life but i will accept that i have real belief problems and i might have suicidal thinking problems that i have to work on. I want to heal. And the only way is through it

Endlessly Po...

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 That is such a good way of thinking, I will do the same!

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Yeah but mine is more scary cause i have actual bad beliefs that doesnt help me. Idk how to face it tho cause it makes me more anxious and depressed and im more afraid of acting on these thoughts. Also accepting feels like im just allowing myself to suffer and stay here... When i said to myself its just ocd atleast i felt better about it. Now im really scared... but i still want to recover

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 I have to face that its not ocd and thats really scary

Endlessly Po...

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 It’s so scary, but we have to put in the work to get better. So hard

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Yeah but now i have to do a different work cause ocd work made me avoid the real problem

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 Its so hard to accept that i have suicidal ideations

cows12465

Date posted: 24w

suic. ocd tips

so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.

cows12465

Date posted: 24w

suic. ocd advice?

lonelytype

Date posted: 22w

Help appreciated

Its been around a year now that ive struggled heavily with intrusive thoughts. I haven’t noticed it in my other years, aside from when i was a young kid. I want to get diagnosed with OCD or try to see what my therapist will say. Ive been summing up the courage to speak about this for months now and i have an appointment on the 26th. I feel like im ready to finally talk about it will someone, yet one thing is holding me back. The doubt. I started struggling HEAVILY with OCD symptoms around march of 2024. I mean rumination, compulsions, shame, disgust, etc. It was one of the worsts points of my like and it cared on from January-Late august of 2024. I was literally in distress everyday of my life. I had constant intrusive thoughts that would go away, and unbearable anxiety. Yet around september hit they started getting EASIER to mange. (remember that, they didnt go away, i just wasnt as effected) I was quite happy i could live a little without pain and that carried from Sept-December 2024. But then January hit again, and everything just seems to flow right back to me. I cant stop thinking about how i used to feel, the pain i was in. Everyday my brain wants me to remember the anguish i was put through. I finally decided i will talk about this to my Therapist. My only doubt is that, everything is much easier for me to deal with, and my anxiety isnt as strong. I still have intrusive thoughts and suffer with performing compulsions, but i dont ruminate anymore. That should be a good thing but my brain tells me that means my feelings arent valid, and i dont have OCD cause things are better. Im sorry for this long read, i just need to get this off my chest. How do i talk to my therapist about wanting to get an evaluation, when most of my main hard aspects in OCD are in the past? (AKA the past i suppressed and shut down)Any help is appreciated. 😕

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I cant forget what my therapist told me a year ago

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