Thai Le

I’m anxious about HIV. What if I get it? That’s a scary thought to me. And then I’m scared/worried about giving it to others, not knowing if I have it, etc.

I don’t know what to do I’ve been seeing this guy for roughly 4-5 months and I like him so much like he could be the one. He was in town for something for most of the time we’ve been seeing each other but he recently moved back to his state which is pretty far away. I’m absolutely terrified that I’m going to accidentally get an STD from somewhere like a toilet seat or the other day after taking the bus home I forgot to wash or sanitize my hands before wiping plus I’ve had coworkers and even my roommate admit that they’ve had chlamydia and one has HSV. I’m terrified that I’ll get something and he’ll think I cheated and we’ve both been hurt like that before and I wouldn’t want to put him through that or have him think that of me. I’ve been trying to not google anything or go to the doctors bc those are my compulsion and reassurance seeking things but nothing is helping it’s to the point I don’t want to use the bathroom or do anything does anyone have any tips to help it’s starting to effect my life I know this isn’t possible but I keep thinking it would just be my luck that I’d the odd one out it does happen to

This fear keeps coming back and it’s to the point I cry and what to panic. I no longer talk to the man simply because I wanted to move on and find something meaningful to have with someone (relationship wise). I still keep fearing I need to go get my blood checked. Thoughts like “what if I have it and don’t know it and give to someone?” “What if that urine test I took months ago didn’t work” I got tested for stds but it came back negative. They took a urine test but google says you have to have your blood drawn!! I’m so scared. My mind tells me “you have HIV” and then a sense of peace comes and scares me even more!!!