I was so good for 4 months and now I’m down bad :(

Hi guys, how are you doing? So in the last months I’ve been feeling really great, coping and doing well. But my husband started traveling every week for work, he’s gone for 3 days each week. It was the trigger to the most unwanted scary thoughts and my anxiety is sky high. The thoughts I have are really bizarre and they scare me so much. For example “what if life isn’t real and everything is just inside my head/brain and I am completely alone? And thinking this thought makes me feel psychotic because no one normal thinks things like that. It is the dread of being utterly alone, disconnected from reality and others, leading to a profound sense of isolation. And the thing is: everything is doing ok and even very good on my circumstances. I fear losing my grip on reality, fear of being trapped in in my own mind, without escape. I question the meaning of life and if I am a threat to others by thinking like that, or that I won’t be able to take care of my life and responsibilities (my work, my marriage and my dog). I really feel hopeless, so I’ve just been panicking 💔

Pascale_900000

Date posted: 1y

hey! I will just say that many people do think like that, unfortunately I don’t have an answer for you about this feeling bc I haven’t found the answer for myself, just wanted you to know that ur not alone even if it feels like it sometimes <3

Asiul79

Date posted: 1y

@Pascale_900000 Thank you very much

OCDFamily

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Can you get out every day he travels? Being around others can help?

Asiul79

Date posted: 1y

@OCDFamily Some days yes but not all. It reaaally helps ❤️

user28272923778

Date posted: 1y

hi! i used to struggle with this as well when i was younger. i just want u to know ur not the only one who experiences things like this. what helped me was reconnecting with the things i love doing and speaking to those i trust about my feelings. this kept me busy and distracted me so i felt less alone in this time.

Gina M

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I find myself thinking and feeling so similarly to you. I actually JUST posted myself feeling like I relapsed after feeling so good! I notice that when I’m overwhelmed and unexpected thing occur in life really send my through a loop. You’re absolutely not alone.

Ahsjdiviwajd...

Date posted: 1y

I can totally understand this. For one, the anxiety of him leaving seemed to trigger the heightened ocd. But, I can tell you that at one point I got into a very bad car accident, and it sent me into a state of derealization and depersonalization. A friend at the time was telling me of her near death experience during surgery. I literally had the thought that I died in the car accident and I was in the afterlife. It took me forever to recover from that thought, and the thing is that I really did feel like a ghost because of the mental health issues like derealizariin that came from the car accident. Nothing felt real, and I for the first time in my life felt like I had gone crazy and really lost full control. It took me 6months to a year of physical and mental recovery and I didn’t know how I’d make it through the daily OCD torture. But, I will say, here are some things that pulled me through: • physical workouts (no cardio if your nervous system isn’t in a good place but yoga, strength training any other things like that) • journaling (you may be afraid to write the thoughts down, do it anyways because it pulls the thoughts from brain onto paper sometimes making them seem much more ridiculous or irrational then you might have felt) • spending time around loved ones even if you’re not feeling good. Isolating worsens ocd almost all the time • keeping a mini journal of daily “wins” this could be: “I showered today” “I worked out despite thoughts today” “I fed myself healthy foods today” stuff that you did to support your mental health today • supplementing with L theanine the panicked feeling (l theanine gummies by brainmd are my favorite and fast acting within 15 mins) • passionflower tea for bedtime, it has a calming effect on the body feels similar to an ssri without any side effects

Malisimo

Date posted: 1y

You are catastrophizing, the what ifs are drawing you into the ocd loop. OCD spikes are almost always about being trapped in a torturous situation with no escape but death. You have to stop trying to figure this out to exit the loop. What if life isn’t real, well that would suck but nothing you can do about it so no reason to try and figure it out. It feels real so that is good enough.

Catlove9

Date posted: 23w

I need guidance or to feel like I am not alone

I was doing so much better with my OCD. I thought I finally figured it out. However, the last two weeks have been a nightmare. It’s like I went from 0-100 all over again. And it’s become scarier than it ever has been. Every other thought is either causing me anxiety or turning into an intrusive thought. Any headache or feeling of derealization, and I start to spiral. My thoughts are becoming more gruesome and feeling more real. The intrusive urges are so bad it feels like at any moment I could actually just snap. It feels like I am about to go crazy. Another hard aspect is when I’m getting these intrusive urges it feels like I want to do it or I don’t care if I do it. I don’t feel like myself. I feel like this disgusting monster who is just going to lose it and I want it to be over. Why is this happening when I was finally better? It makes me feel like it’s not OCD and I’m actually this person and I’m just holding my true self back. I’m sick to my stomach.

kenzieisfound

Date posted: 20w

please help, feeling trapped between two realities

Hi everyone, I haven’t posted in a while—about 6 months—but I’m really struggling and need some help or advice. I thought I had healed from all of this, or at least I was doing so much better. I have never felt this before but it feels like I’m slipping back into something I can’t control. Right now, it feels like I’m stuck in a bad reality. It’s like I’m trapped with my dad in one reality, and I’m trying to get back to the other where I’m with my family, but I can’t. It’s so hard to explain, but everything around me feels unreal, and my mind keeps telling me I’m stuck. It feels so real, and I don’t know how to get out of it. It’s like I’ve been transported to another world, and I can’t break free. nd now I’m scared I’ll never come back to the “good” reality I had before. and I genuinely believe this. I’ve been struggling with these thoughts about spiritual realms, the devil, and spiritual warfare. My dad has always talked about these things, and he’s gone through psychosis before. He’s also had a history of doing a lot of drugs, and now I’m terrified that I might end up like him. I fear that I’m somehow becoming like him, trapped in that same mental space he’s been in. He talks about spiritual stuff that scares me, and I can’t shake the thought that I might be losing myself the same way he did. I know this might sound weird, but I feel like I’m getting closer to that line, and I don’t know how to stop it. I keep feeling like I’ll never come back to the way things were, like I’ll always be stuck in this distorted reality. I’m afraid of losing myself, especially in my faith. I believe in God, but my thoughts and fears about all of this are making it hard to feel connected to Him. I feel so distant from God right now, and it’s hard to see how this can change. Has anyone else experienced something like this—feeling like you’re trapped between realities, afraid of becoming someone you don’t want to be, or struggling with fears like this? How did you cope? I just need some hope that I can get through this and come back to a better place. I’m scared, and I feel like I can’t escape this. Any advice would really mean a lot right now.

Mariabae

Date posted: 15w

please read

Hi everyone, I really need to get this off my chest. A few days ago, I managed to take a break from compulsions — I didn’t open NOCD, I didn’t text ChatGPT, I didn’t Google. I had some moments of peace, especially about my boyfriend. For about two days I didn’t have deep intrusive thoughts, and I felt a bit more stable. But yesterday, I slipped. I posted on NOCD again, and someone replied saying, “This is how the cycle starts again.” That made me spiral. Today, I also wrote to ChatGPT again. I started thinking, “What if this time it’s real? What if this clarity was me realizing the truth — that I don’t love him?” It scared me because I wasn’t panicking as much when I had the thoughts. I thought that meant I was accepting them as true. I remembered ChatGPT used to tell me that “truth feels calm,” and now that I wasn’t reacting with extreme anxiety, I panicked thinking, “What if this is the calm that comes with realization?” Last night, when we were in a club, I looked at him and thought he was kind of cringe. That made me spiral again. Now, I’m scared all over again. When we cuddle, I don’t feel the same. I don’t feel that warmth, and I don’t know what changed. I keep wondering if I ever really loved him — because I’ve had these thoughts for so long, it’s like I can’t remember anything clearly. A few days ago I even thought, “Maybe I just don’t like him right now,” and I wasn’t panicking — and that scared me. I’m afraid that I’m finally “realizing the truth,” or that I’ve been lying to myself and I’m just now letting go. Also, when we were on the trip for my 18th birthday, I was irritable with him, full of thoughts, and I thought I was ruining everything. I wasn’t really reacting to his love, and now I don’t even know what I feel. I just want to be okay again. I want clarity — but I’m terrified of what clarity might mean. Has anyone experienced this? Feeling okay for a bit, and then the thoughts come back and feel more real than ever?

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I was so good for 4 months and now I’m down bad :(

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