avantika 🪻

Date posted: 1y

im tired 😭

Today is a bad ocd day. I have intrusive thoughts about possibly being autistic- and it all started when my mom said “when you were younger i thought you were on the spectrum” and like a month after that i asked her about it again and she said she was joking and that I was just sensitive to clothing- like as a kid I wouldn’t wear certain socks bc they were itchy or whatever and she said its really “not that serious” and “you are not autistic.” And i felt okay for a while- pretty reassured. But its been really bad lately 😭 i was seeing autism symptoms and i was convincing myself I relate to them or that I “acted” very autistic as a child. And i keep checking for childhood memories and picking out the “most autistic memories” 😭😭😭 like how I didnt like certain clothes or was sensitive or how I was very blunt sometimes and I got so anxious I just had to stop googling and cry for a bit bc I felt so scared. I don’t even know why the thought of being autistic scares me- well i guess km not even scared its just the uncertainty of not having the answer to that question is causing my fear. Before my mom triggered these thoughts- it NEVER even crossed my mind. And i really just want reassurance right now and I feel like asking all my friends and family members if they think I act autistic but I wont do that this time bc I just go in loops 😭😭😭 I have asked my friends before and they say not at all but then im scared I am secretly autistic and just really good at “masking”. Plus everytime I meet someone my first thought is “do I seem autistic to them?? Should I ask them?? No no thats odd to ask- that will make me seem weird- and I will have a bad first impression… but what if they think im actually autistic? Do i come off as autistic??” Then i analyse every interaction again to see “how autistic I seem” and i am just soooo tired 😭 sorry this was a lot of writing- but truly, thank you from the bottom of my heart if you read it all 💕💕💕

Amara

Date posted: 1y

It's understandable that your mom's comment and subsequent uncertainties have sparked anxiety and distress for you. It's great that you recognize the pattern of seeking reasurance. However, engaging in these behaviors can often perpetuate the cycle of anxiety and uncertainty. Practice staying present in the moment and observing your thoughts without judgment. Mindfulness can help you detach from your worries and reduce the power they have over you. Be kind to yourself and remind yourself that it's normal to have uncertainties and fears. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend in a similar situation. While it may be tempting to seek reassurance from others, try to resist this urge. Reassurance seeking can provide temporary relief but can ultimately increase anxiety in the long run.

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous - Thank you so much 😭💖 also this is random but I have noticed you reply to like all of my posts and I seriously cannot thank you enough 💓 youre so sweet and helpful, bless your soul, i love you 😭🧁✨

Amara

Date posted: 1y

@weregonnabeokay You're welcome🙂. Yes, I try to help you as much as I can. We follow each other. I guess one day in a post of someone we both commented on, we both agreed that OCD helped us become better persons, and OCD also changed us for the better. If I am correct, you are that person.

Amara

Date posted: 1y

I wish you the best. Don't worry, you are stronger than you think. I am sure you will get through all the struggles and obstacles with OCD and even life. I'm here whenever you need me.

Amara

Date posted: 1y

You're welcome🙂 and thanks you that's kind of you. I try to help you as much as I can. We followed each other. I guess one day in a post of someone we both commented on, we both agreed that OCD helped us become better persons, and OCD also changed us for the better. If I am correct, you are that person.

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous - Yes i think so too!

Amara

Date posted: 1y

I remember something that may change your mood. When COVID started, my OCD appeared. At that time, I was watching the TV show The Good Doctor .the main character, Dr. Shaun Murphy, is a young surgical resident with autism and exceptional medical skills, a unique perspective on patient care. I hadn't had any clue about my contamination OCD then I couldn't hug anyone except my boyfriend and when I saw Dr Murphy don't like hug or any contact with others I thought maybe I have autism and I thought It could be my personality. At least it might be good news. I'm not weird I just have autism, maybe. 😀 In the show, they didn't try to change or treat him, so I thought it was just a mental disorder with different personalities and since this character was smart, I thought maybe having autism wasn't that much bad at all, lol.

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous - Did the thought stress you out? About having autism?

Amara

Date posted: 1y

@weregonnabeokay At first, but after watching more of the TV show, I saw the character is smart and just thought he is different from others in some part. Because the people around me didn't have contamination OCD and they thought I had to be like my old self and stop doing things I avoided, I thought maybe it's autism and it doesn't bother me that much, but still, my life was hard and the people around me didn't understand. But now I know it's OCD. For you also, maybe just OCD, but it totally doesn't matter because you can recover. And autism always reminds me of that character and being special and smart.

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous - So you didn’t end up having autism?

Amara

Date posted: 1y

@weregonnabeokay No.just OCD.

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous - I worry bc i can be unintentionally rude to my family- only them though. And I have misophonia so im sensitive to repetitive sounds- and im introverted and shy and idk im just scared 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Amara

Date posted: 1y

Autism, or autism spectrum disorder (ASD), is a complex developmental condition that affects social interaction, communication, and behavior. It is a spectrum disorder, meaning that individuals with autism can vary widely in their symptoms and the level of support they may need. Some common characteristics of autism include challenges in social communication and interaction, repetitive behaviors, sensory sensitivities, and difficulties with verbal and nonverbal communication. Individuals with autism may also have unique strengths and abilities, such as exceptional memory or attention to detail. Autism is typically diagnosed in early childhood, and early intervention services can help support individuals with autism in developing important skills and reaching their full potential. It is important to remember that each person with autism is unique, and interventions and support should be tailored to meet their specific needs. It's also important to promote understanding and acceptance of individuals with autism and to create a supportive and inclusive environment where they can thrive.

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous - I was VERY shy and i do pay attention to detail but not- to an extraordinary extent? I dont know… i have misophonia as I mentioned previously, but that only started when I was 10-11

Amara

Date posted: 1y

@weregonnabeokay I was shy too, and maybe I paid a little too much attention to details sometimes, although I think details make memories good to remember. But after discovering my OCD, I tried not to pay too much attention to details and not to overthink things. I think you may just be overthinking because of your OCD. Why you think you maybe unintentionally rude to your family?

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous - Im not sure 😭 ever since I was 4-6 I was just a very angry child… Im not sure if I was always like that though. I would throw tantrums and I was quite an annoying child 😭😭😭 I mean my parents also hit me and scolded me a lot and even as a toddler I was very shy and anxious. I would worry about death a lot and I couldn’t sleep at night because I thought an intruder would enter the house or what not- and I was scared of the dark and all. My parents were good parents though? They dealt with me and provided for me so its fine but yeah I have just always been specifically rude to my family- its like I have no interest in them at all 😭 I dont know if that is true though. My friends have told me maybe you’re too nice at school so you only express your anger at home- but I don’t really think that is it. My teachers and friends and classmates have always told me I am very kind and understanding- like all my life. And I like being at school more than being at home- because I feel more normal at school 😭? Like I feel okay

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 1y

@weregonnabeokay SORRY I DIDNT REALISE I TYPED THAT MUCH 😭🙏

Amara

Date posted: 1y

I think something I think something triggers you, and maybe underneath your emotions, something bothers you.

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous - Maybe 😭

Amara

Date posted: 1y

Don't be sad. We are human, and sometimes we have our own reasons to get angry. However, you can work on that and not get angry so quickly about everything. Let go of anger or any emotions that are bothering you.I think you can figure out what exactly bothers you at the moment and figure out any undercurrent of your emotions ,Allow yourself to let them go. Also, because your parents told you you were annoying kids doesn't mean that is true. There are a lot of reasons that a kid gets angry.It is beneficial if possible for you to consult with a specialist ,if not, you can use the school counselor if you have access to one.

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous - I talked with a therapist like last month about everything and they said they would book an appointment with a psychiatrist 😭 but here in Canada things regarding health are veryyyy slow 😔

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous - Canada but im born in India and grew up there- but I have been in Canada for 5 years now- ive moved a lot in my life 😭 like 17 times

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous - OH HELP NO 😭😭😭 the crying emoji means laughing 🧍‍♀️ or like a filler emoji in todays gen z emoji talk

Amara

Date posted: 1y

@weregonnabeokay Got it🙂

Amara

Date posted: 1y

Is it possible you are getting angry because they hit you or scolded you?

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous - Im not sure how long I have acted this way though 😭 but its possible- i didn’t think much of it though. Im from India and its veryyy very common for parents to hit/beat their children there 😭 so I thought it was normal so whenever they hit me I didn’t really think it was necessarily bad 🧍‍♀️ so im not sure if it could have affected my behaviour this much 😭😭

Amara

Date posted: 1y

@weregonnabeokay It's understandable that cultural norms and upbringing can shape one's perspective on discipline and behavior. Growing up in a culture where physical punishment is more accepted or normalized can certainly impact a person's understanding of what is considered appropriate behavior and how they respond to certain situations. However, it's important to recognize that everyone responds differently to experiences of discipline or punishment, and it's okay to reflect on and unpack how these experiences may have influenced your behavior and emotions over time.

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous - Im so confused bc i literally dont know why i act like this 💀😭 i mean im not rude all the time its just im a lot ruder and have a lottttt less patience with my family- but at school i haven’t got mad even once

Anonymous

Date posted: 22w

A quick Vent here

I'm sry if this may make people worry or feel uncomfortable in advance! Hello everyone as u can see I struggle with ocd and I HATE IT WITH MY LIFE , it started in 2020 covid obv contamination ocd started here , I used to carry alcohol everywhere and used to wash my hands so much that it bled ( had to wear gloves to cover it so friends or family won't see it ) and everything else started since then , harm ocd with myself or friends I couldn't hold a knife..it was really hard..and I have unwanted sexual thoughts ocd , I have panic attacks bc of this..I sometimes cannot look people into their eyes and its so random and so scary..thoughts about.. 🍇..whether it's me or I'm gonna harm someone else uk..I sometimes cannot function properly.. unfortunately friends don't understand it rather think it's about " perfectionism "..I wrote those thoughts and stuff in a journal in more details ofc and doodle ( I'm scared someone will find it ) I hate myself tbh and I don't think someone will read this... I suspect I have ADHD with all this but ocd is " ur faking it " even though lots of people have hinted about it , I thought I actually killed someone for 2 years a girl..until I realized what HOCD is , I thought I faked my ocd too in fact , I have perfectionism ocd too it's bad and I HATE PURE O it's so DRAINING uk.. also idk if this has caused a problem for anyone but if y'all know the Truman show ( basically if u don't know the main character is being filmed and his life is fake and he doesn't know it ) THAT MOVIE HAS HARMED ME SO BADLY FOR YEARS that until today I have to check in the bathroom if there are cameras cuz like ocd makes me think I'm living in a fake world , I used to think people around me , everyone was like a Ai model or smth.. everytime until today I have to clean the toilet seat bc it may be dirty..I have been taking up to 5 showers a day cuz maybe I'm dirty..that's it for today tysm if u read this till the end I'd like to know ur thoughts if u got tips or have similar experiences ! 🤗 U get a chocolate bar 🍫 bc u earned it bc ik how ocd is so frustrating ( I also noticed everyone who has ocd is so nice right 😆! )

samlovesjesus

Date posted: 21w

kind of a rough day

i’m trying to not let the thoughts bother me but it’s just so stressful. even me typing that feels like i’m lying when i know i’m not. i’m scared because even my therapist tells me that it’s just ocd, but in the back of my mind i slightly don’t believe her, and its making me scared that i AM like those people and im gonna act on something. sometimes in social moments i get a quick thought of me being an outcast because im like those people who are sick in the head and act on that stuff, and it just makes me feel like i truly am gonna eventually act on something. another thing that bothered me is earlier my mom yelled at me for not doing school work (it was well deserved im really slacking on it) and i had like no reaction to her screaming. it had me thinking what if i have no empathy etc etc, and what if i get mad that she yelled at me and i do something involving those thoughts. how do i TRULY know it’s ocd? like i try to remind myself and be like “dude, your therapist said it’s ocd, she isn’t wrong” but the back of my mind is like “she is wrong, it’s not ocd and she just happened to misdiagnose you. you are gonna act on those thoughts and it’s your fate”. please someone respond if you read all of this, im really struggling

FallenSun

Date posted: 14w

uhh do i have ocd-

So scared to post this not wanting to sound dramatic incase i dont have it so uh yeah lets go Ive been struggling with this ocd spiral, googling everything i can, taking stupid test that prob dont mean anything, i dont really have compulsions i think? but anyways i cant let it go unless i know. ill give list of reasons why - I get intrusive thoughts i dont want, like sexual or harm related ones, multiple times a day- Yes ik intrusive thoughts are normal so this is probably nothing. To try and give an idea on how many or how constant- when i look at something either that be a person, pet, or an object can be fictional things to- there is a high chance of a thought or mental image popping up -I feel shame and guilty about it because it goes against everything, im asexual so having these thoughts about my family or animals is really upsetting and disturbing bc why am i thinking this, it doesn't feel normal -i try and push them away by blinking, shaking my head, or just walk away from what triggered them -i spiral trying to figure out whats wrong with me for example ofc my brain thinking i have ocd and it filling my brain. or can be about physical health or other mental health disorders- -i constantly am switching between thinking i have it to im faking it. When i see symptoms i have i think, "Okay wait, i must have it" to where when i see a symptom i don't have, i tell myself. "No im just lying for attention or im being dramatic and these aren't real problems". but like rn im struggling with thinking none of this really even happened and i'm just saying things so ppl think sm wrong with me - sometiems i avoid things that trigger it- not alot but like when i get a thought about my dog when im about to pet her, i stop- and walk away becuase it might come true. -i fear something is wrong with me, wether it be my mind, body, health, personality- -im scared to open up about these thoughts becuase im scared people will thing im lying, im weird, or ill be sent to a mental hospital. -also reassuring-seeking. now this isnt a big thing to me but when i think i offended someone i have to say "sorry if i offended you" or if i think i annoyed someone i must say "sorry if i annoyed you", OR i kinda down talk myself saying im annoying, there annoyed with me, they hate me This has been nagging me for days, and i cant get it to stop- BECAUSE what if i do and i don't get it diagnosed and ill deal with this forever or whatever, ik ppl have it worse and i'm probably being dramatic, high possibility. but i'm also scared to tell a therapist bc of that same exact reason and fear of being called dramatic and its all in your head. but uhm hopefully i didn't say anything bad and didn't repeat anything.

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im tired 😭

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