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Hi! It sounds like the event triggered your fight, flight or freeze repose, and you froze. I think you should give yourself some compassion and forgiveness. We can only move forward, but if you still can’t understand why you responded that way (thereby triggering rumination) you should bring it up to your therapist to work through it!

I have a long list of things that I have been in the wrong about or could have handled differently or better . To the extent that is appropriate I try to make amends to those that I have directly or indirectly offended or impacted in a negative manner. And I try to make my own personal peace and move on. Life is short.