Harm OCD

Is this OCD? I was having a huge compulsive thought of hurting my loved one and i was with him when I was having the thought. I wanted to try EPT and stay in the room with him during the thought but I began to have a huge panic attack and it felt like if I had stayed any longer I would have done it and my brain was telling me I wanted to do it and to just do it. I love him so much I didn’t want to do I left the room. Today I have a huge amount of guilt because I almost did it and my brain was telling me I wanted too. I told him about it and he says he’s sorry I’m going through but I feel I’m unworthy of being around him cause what if it happens again and I get the same feelings

Mitu_001

Date posted: 1y

Hey .I am sorry you deal with this.It can be very hard.I had it too.Is good that you talked with him and he understands you.Is not your fault and you are worthy.The fact that you care so much shows it .I think it would be a good idea to talk with a therapist if you can

Sammy.2024

Date posted: 1y

@Mitu_001 How did you get rid of it? Was it similar?

Mitu_001

Date posted: 1y

Yeah .Well it was hard but I just let it be .Is extremly hard though...is scary.I tried to think that thoughts are just thoughts.But I didnt told anyone yet.

Sammy.2024

Date posted: 1y

@Mitu_001 Yeah right now I just feel like I want to live in the woods by myself so I can stop being scared about harming others and my compulsive thoughts. Did you do therapy?

Mitu_001

Date posted: 1y

I am sorry you feel like this.You are not a bad person.No , I didnt....But I wanna go

Sammy.2024

Date posted: 1y

@Mitu_001 They have a payment plan on here for people whose insurance doesn’t cover. I have set it up since I start therapy tomorrow to see if what I have is actually OCD. Perhaps you can look into the option if you really want therapy

tenby

Date posted: 1y

@Sammy.2024 Good luck and let us know how it goes. I have similar experiences and trying to pluck up courage to see a therapist. I also worry if it's OCD or something else.

Mitu_001

Date posted: 1y

I hope it goes well for you and thank you I will look

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 1y

Don’t worry about this. This is just OCD. This is how OCD works. It’s the nature of OCD. This does not make you a bad person at all!!!! You are just a victim/ sufferer of a disease called OCD. All of us here in the app can relate. I think you need to STOP processing this like there is any reality to it. Stop asking if it means anything. It doesn’t. It’s just OCD. Period. This is what OCD does. There is lots of hope in treatment! Just keep getting treatment and going forward. Honestly (and I know you don’t FEEL like this), but you could make a joke of this whole thing and say, “Wow, look how my OCD showed up there. That was (sarcastic) fun!” This mentality of saying “Hmmm… my OCD is showing up and doing this or that” and laughing it off can really help. It helps us realize that OCD is going to attack us in these ways sometimes. We can’t do anything to stop the attacks, but we can go THROUGH them and continue to live life. You can learn how to live life without OCD stopping you. But the first thing you have to do is to stop attributing ANY MEANING to the OCD attacks. Just because you had an OCD attack doesn’t mean you are a bad person or that you were going to hurt anyone. It’s just OCD. No big deal. Keep on living. It may take a while for you to get to that point, that that’s where you need to go. I highly recommend that you watch Nathan Peterson’s harm OCD videos in YouTube. :):)

Aphid123

Date posted: 25w

Is this even OCD?

Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 19w

I’m panicking pls help

The compulsive praying for harm on others is back. I know compulsions are a choice, but right now, it feels impossible not to do them. I was spiraling because I thought about losing my boyfriend, and that scared me so much. But then, my brain twisted it with thinking that I would feel liberated and find comfort and new love if my boyfriend were “out of the way” and to this I almost felt excited? I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want him to die or go away. I don’t want him to be gone. But then, that spiraled into these awful thoughts where I felt like I had to pray for harm or death on him. I don’t know why I feel the urge to do this. It doesn’t feel like it will make anything better; it just makes me feel like it’s more likely to happen. I feel trapped in them. I don’t understand why my brain keeps doing this, can anyone help? Please

princessOCD

Date posted: 8w

ROCD Guilt

How do people with ROCD deal with the guilt? I recently started ERP but feel so guilty sometimes when I talk to him or think about him knowing I’m stuck dealing with these thoughts. It hurts me so bad because I love him more than anything in the world but my OCD keeps trying to make me think of leaving him or hurting him.

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Harm OCD

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