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Hello! I want to introduce myself, I am Pamela. I am currently pregnant 28 weeks. I have developed Harm OCD with myself and others. and I feel as if I have Pure OCD as well. I felt as though I was getting better but the thoughts have came back and they seem a lot more scarier. I feel like I can’t do this pregnancy thing and the whole family thing. I just recently quit my job because I can’t get adequate sleep at night anymore and My anxiety is soooo bad all the time, especially at work. I am also struggling with being afraid of developing what mental illness my mother had. I have been afraid of being possessed by a demon because I KNOW this isn’t me. I have always been scared of those kinds of things anyway, I had watched something with Jeffery Duhmer and a few other things and now I have been worried what if I’m like him , I used to think how could someone do those kinds of things and now I’m thinking what if I want to do those things?? what if I have no emotion? I haven’t been able to cry lately, i feel sort of numb and that also scares me because normally I would cry over a movie, or something silly. I want to cry, I want to be genuinely happy and I want to feel the way I did before I developed this terrible illness. I feel crazy to be even talking about my thoughts, and I feel stupid . I have started Zoloft maybe a month and a half ago and I am also worried that the medicine isn’t working properly and is making me worse. I haven’t stopped taking it but I definitely have thought about it. But I’m also worried that if I do stop taking it my anxiety and depression will get worse. Here lately I have been feeling like I will never get better and I just want to die, I have been wanting to birth this baby and just give her to my boyfriend and then go away , I don’t know where I’d go but I feel as though I don’t deserve to be here anymore. Im so tired , like exhausted but I keep pushing like I’m not. I keep pretending that I am happy. I don’t know what to do or where to start. Please someone help me in what I need to do to begin my journey, even though I’m completely and utterly terrified to do just about anything because I’m scared of triggering these thoughts , or even new ones .. Please I am really not looking for reassurance, I just wanted to share what I personally have been going threw, and I want options on what I should begin with to get better ?

For years I’ve dealt with anxiety. I have endured trauma as a child, teenager and adult which have been heavy feelings to carry. I realized that the neglect of my father, the abandonment and abusive relationships as an adult, have not allowed me to continue on in healthy romantic relationships. When I’m single, I thrive. I’ve accomplished so much on my own including raising my son as a single mom. I became a home owner and a business owner all on my own too, which is great. Once I start dating, it all goes downhill. I become a different version of myself. I become insecure, anxious, low self esteem, doubtful. I’m filled with instructive thoughts that ultimately lead me to the same patterns and I end up breaking up and feeling guilty about it. I am currently working with a therapist for my ptsd and anxiety and they’ve helped with this current depressive state. BUT! I need more help. This is not enough and it’s not bringing any confidence when it comes to dating. I’ve read books about anxious attachment and it has allowed me to understand it a bit more. I realize that my obsession and constant intrusive thoughts about: “does he really like me?”, “is he just going it leave me?”, “is he honest about how he feels?”, “is he talking to other women?” Paralyze my existence and well being. I neglect work, lose sleep, stop eating, obsess about my appearance. Things that are not at all like me. I am feeling hopeful about discovering more about my ocd in relationships and about finding relief and real changes. I believe that I will make these changes and be successful in dating. I’m not giving up. I AM HOPEFUL ! ❤️

I struggled with severe ocd since I was in 2nd grade and now I’m turning 19 so I’ve had it basically my whole life, I’ve had it bc my dad abused my mom when I was little all the way up until I was a teenager and it really hurts me and affects my life. I have intrusive thoughts and images of loved ones getting hurt and I constantly overthink about my relationship and it got worst since I became a mother bc I ALWAYS worry about my daughter and I’m scared and it makes me panic I always think that if I listen to certain songs,take showers,get cute,put on certain clothes,or just take care of myself in general that something will happen and it makes my mental health worse and i have severe anxiety I struggled with pyschosis for 2 weeks and addiction to pills I don’t have money to get a therapist or even health insurance please help me how to stop it bc even when I try to let the thoughts pass through it hurts me and makes me freeze and not even be able to breathe bc of it and I can’t even say certain words bc I overthink that something will happen and it makes me want to take my life