I know this app is for ocd help but I genuinely need some help in my relationship or just some guidance. Does anyone know how to break down built up resentment ? And how to stop anger towards your partner, I’ll take any answer
I’m not sure what the cause of resentment is but if it’s because they mistreat you it’s a good idea to discuss with them in a calm manner how you deserve and expect to be treated, and if they choose not to improve it’s time to move on. If otherwise, resentment can sometimes come from denying who you really are, what you really need, what you really want to/ need to say. It’s your body’s way of telling you, you are experiencing disservice or missing out on something that you really need. If you are someone who gives away the last piece of pizza to the point that people expect that to be the case, and continue to exemplify that you’re not worthy of priority through your well-intentioned but ultimately self-destructive actions, you may start to accidentally resent people for not showing the respect you are supposed to be giving yourself. I would argue most of the time we resent people, we are actually resenting the relationship we have crafted or accepted because we believe it’s the right thing to do, or that it would suit the other person’s needs, or that we are doing them a favour by over-extending ourselves somehow. Try to look inward and think about what parts of yourself you are denying for them or what you have sacrificed for them, with our without their asking. If they ask too much of you, it’s your responsibility to define the boundary, if you accidentally give too much to them, it’s still your responsibility to define the boundary and respect yourself. Respecting and loving yourself doesn’t come at the expense of other people, you don’t have to take from them to give to you. But you do deserve to respect and love yourself and feel loved and respected. It’s natural to feel anger, so suppressing that or bullying yourself because you feel guilty for being angry isn’t fair to yourself and can also cause resentment. We are all entitled to feel our feelings, but it’s our responsibility to deal with them healthily for us and our family/ friends/ partners. I’m not a professional at all so this could be bad advice sorry but hope that it may help in some way. Go easy on yourself, and your partner, sometimes we just need to be more honest about what our needs are. Hope you feel better soon, wish u all the best
@Lost- the reason for resent is that previously in my relationship my partner didn’t have a job so I felt a lot of financial stress and that I did most of the money work. Now they have a job and are earning money, the resentment is still there and I still find myself biting his head off at any given moment and I’m always angry at him. I’m not angry at him overall though, it’s just the financial part but also maybe other aspects that don’t really matter
@ocdsufferer101 Maybe it’s because even though he’s now earning money he’s not reciprocating or acknowledging the previous generosity on your behalf? Or maybe there’s certain expectations you have of him that he keeps falling short of? I think it would definitely be worth journaling about your frustrations and talking about them with a counsellor or therapist so you can move past this because small frustrations over time can sometimes really weigh on the relationship
Resentment is a tertiary response typically stemming from an unmet need or unresolved conflict being ran over time and time again. You should communicate with your therapist and partner on these feelings to get to the root of why you feel resentful
I’ve just downloaded the app because I’ve had a very bad break down in front of my best friends because of a trigger regarding a social obsession that I have a lot of trouble with. And I regret that this isn’t the first time but it’s been a little over 6 months since the last one in front of them. This break down has caused a lot strain between us, and they feel as if I’ve unfairly blamed them for something even though I’ve tried to explain that I understand my emotional reaction was not rational given the situation, and that I don’t in fact blame them for anything and that I feel horrible for the situation itself and not being able to be normal during it rather than them. I think it’s difficult for anyone without OCD to understand how this feels so I can’t blame them for being upset with me. My question to anyone who doesn’t mind sharing is, if anyone has had a lot of strain caused on the relationships with your loved ones, were you able to repair it? And if so could you please give me tips on how you managed to explain your situation to them?
my OCD has caused my marriage to start to fail because I cannot controls my impulses and get very angry when I can’t make someone understand. Does anyone have advice on how I could controls the anger better or make my spouse understand?
First, let me preface this with that I am not seeking reassurance with this post. I just need to put it out into the ether. I’ve had OCD in one form or another my entire life. Only last June it morphed into rOCD really bad and I had a nervous breakdown. With all the stress that I am under not only as a teacher during COVID, but a mother of two young children, I’ve been spiking like crazy. Everything my husband does annoys me. He is dealing with his own mental health issues but self medicated daily with booze and pot. He has just started seeing a virtual therapist. My sex drive is at an all time low and when I’m spiking I don’t even want to be touched. He has worked really hard in a short amount of time to be supportive and understanding of my triggers, but sometimes his human side comes out and he makes me feel bad about my OCD. “I just want to have sex with my wife. You don’t love me anymore, I disgust you.” Which of course makes me spike even more. I know avoiding sex is part of my compulsions but I’m just so mentally, emotionally, and physically taxed that sex is the furthest thing from my mind. He, at times, can be cruel and spiteful and almost give me the silent treatment the next day after he’s asked for sex and I’ve said no. I just don’t know what to do. I’m also on an SSRI which could be affecting my libido. I know it’s not fair to him at all and any normal person would be frustrated by me. Any ideas on how to quell the rage and resentment that he has against me is greatly appreciated.
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