I can't even remember what it's like to wake up and not feel anxious with intrusive thoughts. ? I took those days for granted and I wish I could just reverse time

I cant imagine how comfortable my life would be again if my only worries were stupid human problams thst everyone has and the ones thst dont give immense anxiety and uncomfortableness

I know i cant imagine waking up NOT thinking about this. Imagine just waking up and your only problems are like... homework. Worrying if you have enough money for something or worrying if u look good because ur gonna see your crush today like imagine waking up with normal human problems and not a single thought about hocd like it doesnt excist in ur mind. If i imagine that it feels like another universe like before this i lived in a whole other world and i slowely sank deep down into this new dark world. Its feels so unreal and unreachable to wake up and only think of normal things and not this, it just not excisting not being there just gone. I want that. It used to be like that but i never realized.

Yes i hope we can laugh at it too and be like damn i wasted some time but im so glad im happy now

I knoow omg i feel you so much right now. Know ur not alone i have cried about this sooo many times. It seems impossible to return because HOW is my brain going to forget this. How am i going to think like a normal human being ever again. How is my mind gonna delete the thoughts. I just want to forget about it. I want it to fade. I want it to go away troughout my life and forget about it and i never want it to comeback. I dont want to sort if feel ‘okay’ because my hocd isnt around. I want to feel okay and not even know my hocd is around because i want it to be gone and not even be a thought in my mind. All i can do is HOPE that that happens. I cried so mych because im afraid thst it would ruin my future and dreams (right now it already has done that) but if my hocd would go away im expecting my dreams and the motivation to live to come back. But i cried because I thought that would never happen. Now i still dont know the andwer but i can hope and not give up and try and wsit for something thst sets my heart on fire again because my hear hasnt felt love in the looongest time. My heart hasent felt a genuinge thing in the longest time. Hocd poisoned everything its like non of my thoughts are pure again theyre all brainwashed and made by someone im jsut not. So idk how im going to get out of this mess but i do know that i csnt just quit. There has gotta be more than this. If my mind is capable of switching to being this miserable in a year than maybe, just maybe it can change back too.

U really explained how i feel so freaking well. U put that perfectly into words what living with hocd is like. Its constantly playing never ending mindgames. The fact that i know what living life freely and comfortable and feeling excitement is like gets me going. Even tho i mostly forgot what the good life is like, i still know that i now feel horrible so there has to be a good feeling. And (im guessing) i still have so many years on this planet so who knows what happens. Im hellaaa afraid of the future. Afraid i wont fall in love genuinely again, afraid i wont find a husband because right now im not capable of falling in love, afraid i will never be happy and be myself. So many deep deep fears. But i have to let go. I have to live life evn tho its hell right now. But fearing doesnt help. I wish u the best because i KNOW what hr going trough. Its insane and it is not okay and if people would know whar u go trough everyday they would have so much respecr for u and i do because i know.