Reassurance??!!

Whenever anyone starts to feel like their thoughts are less triggering or they feel a moment of happiness/ relief OCD tells you that you want the thoughts back or you actually like having the thoughts and maybe thats just the person I really am? I feel like im going insane😢

Hi everyone, I was sitting thinking about my ex texting me.. we are truly friends and haven’t thought about anything more between us.. but I was fantasizing about what he might be texting me about. I was thinking “oh maybe he is going to text me and say that he is still in love with me… or since he is bi-sexual, maybe he is going to tell me that he has HIV..” I immediately felt horrible because that is a stereotype about the gay community that is completely false and it was a horrible thing to think… I tried to say “that was a horrible thought to have and you have never had a thought like that before, just don’t do it again.” But I am so ashamed and my OCD is telling me that the bad guys is going to get me… can someone please assure me that I am not a terrible person? I know that we shouldn’t be seeking reassurance but I am struggling

Hello. I joined this app because I realised my experiences might be due to OCD. I often have these really disgusting and terrible pictures of me becoming someone horrible, doing horrible things to others. These ideas really disturb me, and often in my mind, and physically sometimes, I literally scream quitely to myself, "Shut up!" Over and over until the image goes away, but unless I distract myself with something else immediately after, it comes back and gets worse. I also end up looking back on these thoughts, and being terrified that maybe I am thinking of this because it is what I truly want, so I end up desperately trying to filter my thoughts, and this ends up carrying into something like SO-OCD, even though I am confident that I am a straight male, and there is no evidence that I am not, I keep trying to prove to myself that I am straight to make the thought go away. I also get the fear that after I maybe do something and say something I know I maybe shouldn't have to someone, that when they leave, or I can't find them for a bit, they have gone to commit suicide. Likewise, I also get intrusive thoughts of me killing myself, even though I have no desire to, and this scares me a lot as well. I used to occasionally get these thoughts in chunks like maybe for 2 weeks and then I wouldn't for another few weeks, but they have gotten worse and more frequent this past semester. They are still not bad enough to actively effect my daily life and routine, but they definitely come frequently enough to distract me, disrupt what I'm doing and make me take a break, and it has dramatically effected my mood and mental state lately. Do you guys recommend any ways to deal with this, is this really severe enough to even call OCD? Would love to hear, thanks! ❤️