The first symptom

The first thing I remember was horrific visions of me doing despicable acts. Not the most fun introduction to OCD!

Being in the car and my OCD telling me I wanted to open the door and jump out while it was moving. Completely horrified me because I knew I wasn’t suicidal and didn’t want to self harm. It sent me into a spiral with suicidal OCD which then turned existential because I wanted to find a “purpose” for living to ensure I’d never harm myself. Aaaaand the cycle continued to 37283 other themes. So grateful to be able to tie them all together now and know its OCD (or maybe not 😉). I felt like I had a million different problems to fix, but they all ended up having one solution: ERP!

It was subtle it started with a simple thought and then it went on a loop. Trying to figure out why I had the thought. Made me doubt who I was, like my life was a lie.

I remember thinking I was having palpitations and thinking I was having a heart attack while playing volleyball. I got sent to the ER turns out I am the healthiest a 23 human can be. Very expensive introduction to OCD.

I think I had little spikes of it as a kid but the big one was early 20s when. I first moved out on my own. I don't remember what the theme was but I can remember the anxiety, trouble sleeping and not being able to stop thinking about the theme. It went away and I just always was afraid of what had happened. It came back about 10 years later and I thought it was weird anxiety.

Growing up in a fundamentalist religious environment, since I was 5 years old I was convinced that if I didn’t pray right before bed every night, I would wake up in hell.

Hid the scissors at night so I wouldn’t unintentionally hurt my family in the night unknowingly

I have never talked openly about my first intrusive thought with anyone. Not even my therapist. I wont tell all details but i remember it like it was yesterday and it was about 36 years ago for me now. I was driving with my sister and parents to my Great Grandmothers funeral. She was loved by so many in my family. I was looking out the window like any other day in the backseat going somewhere when all of a sudden a disgusting sexual thought popped into my head out of NO WHERE. Making me feel disgust in my stomach. I thought i was going crazy. Thinking how can i think of something SO DISGUSTING. I rememeber looking around the car at my sister and parents and i think i was thinking to myself, omg what if they knew what just popped into my head???? Fear and disgust took over. I cant remember any more about that day. Only that from then on my war with OCD had begun. My nightmare had started. I wasn't the same person i was before. 😪

Not being able to stop thinking about my whole family dying when I was trying to fall asleep

I was a child and I had fears that my younger sibling would get hurt. I did whatever I could to prevent him being hurt. From trying not to let him go swimming to hiding his skateboard. I made patterns with words and numbers a lot. Later in teen years I started obsessing with numbers and patterns and the number noises never stopped. They later changed to letters and word patterns but that more of a current obvious issue.

being in elementary school and being worried that my parents wouldn’t return home safe if I didn’t get a specific number of baskets in the trash can

Feared that something would happen to my mom so I used to pray a lot make sure she was going to be okay, I wasn’t even religious.

I started dating my partner and 2 months in I started wondering if when they said they loved me I felt the right way, the googled that and did intense compulsions searching for what love was supposed to feel like to make sure I felt it correctly 🫢

Yes, when I was 13 I lost weight and weight 90 lbs at 5”3. All I could think of was intrusive thoughts what would I eat, not eat, and when would I eat. All else stopped mattering to me, let friendships go, Pom Pom go, felt nervous all the time. This literally happened on a day off from school when I was watching Oprah and all the sudden felt dread and realized I had no interest in the show or life anymore.

I remember thinking my hands were dirty all the time from there it went to thinking that anything that touched the floor became dirty any object i touched became dirty just the thought that i possibly touched something dirty knowing i did not triggered my ocd

When I was like 5 i followed Christianity. I would pray for everyone I knew. Saying a prayer like “…god bless mom, my brother, my dog, my grandma…” and go on to list people. I was terrified if I forgot to list someone they’d die because of me. So I’d go through everyone I knew many times in tears. I’d panic about it so much

Tw for talk of parasites (external and internal) When I was a kid (I think I was 11) I went to this summer program at my local science museum that taught us about veterinary care, and one day we had to sit through a presentation about various parasites that pets (and people lol lmao) could get, and for the first part of it I was fine (it was talking about fleas, mosquitoes and ticks and such) but then we got to the gross stuff about tapeworms and hookworms and stuff, and at almost every one the instructor said “oh by the way, you can get these lol” and I remember not being able to sleep that night. And then I started refusing to walk outside barefoot because I thought that was how you get hookworms (that’s not how you get it but I was barely paying attention due to trying to mask my panic.) it wasn’t the theme that got me diagnosed (the one that did was way more intense and happened when I was 12) but yeah that was my first theme. It actually came back a bit for like a week bc I watched a fnaf analog horror video that involved tapeworms (normally I like fnaf and analog horror but not when it involves my triggers) but it kind of got blown out of the water by my current theme. Tldr: 11 year old me gets scared by presentation about parasites, and that gave me ocd.

Pure ocd but i started to obbsesively think people hate me because i'm a woman (i saw sexist people on internet)

My veins and my stomach would hurt from getting anxious

I had one of the worst if not the worst breakdown of my life.

I was in 1st grade and the teacher told us if we sneeze in our hands, we needed to go wash them in the back of the classroom. I started washing my hands every time another kid sneezed.

False memory. Fear and shame of not being a good person or that I did something bad and couldn’t remember all the details. I remember not being able to go to work or eating or sleeping. Ending up on my bedroom floor everyday in tears. Pure fear and adrenaline for months before I was diagnosed properly. There is help and things can get better. I’m unbothered by the same thoughts that used to leave me in tears. I live a very happy and full life now, there’s hope. ❤️❤️❤️

I think I’ve had this since childhood but the first time I had harm ocd I was in my kitchen when I was in high school and saw a knife and the thought “ you could stab yourself wit that” came in and I was terrified. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. That thought morphed into “what if I kill myself”. I was so ashamed and terrified. This theme is one I struggle with to this day. And I’m 62. It sucks.

Consistently going back and forth to the front door handle and wiggling it the exact same way all night long till I went to sleep.

My first OCD memory was feeling like I needed to read every road/highway sign or something bad would happen.

As a kid (6ish years old) the first obvious sign of OCD was probably that I had to count everything in 4's. Touch everything 4 times, eat 4 of something, counted all of my steps in repetitive sequences of 4's. It's crazy how much it morphs and changes throughout life while still remaining the same urgent feeling

The moment I was introduced to the idea of “knock on wood” when I was in 5th grade, I would compulsively do it every time so things wouldn’t happen! Also “step on a crack…..”

The severe intrusive thoughts that made me have the biggest panic attack ever it was so scary!!!!!

After my grandma died and my parents got divorced I remember thinking I need to stop bad things from happening ever again and I had to take steps to make sure they don’t.

You know when you go over a bridge in your car and there's the first "ba-bump," then at the end of the bridge, a final, decisive "ba-bump?" If I didn't feel that last bump, I felt Wrong the rest of the ride. I started mimicking the bump to make the feeling go away. 😅 Took 26 years to learn that wasn't normal.

Either prayer OCD or rumination when I was a small child. But I thought that was normal at the time

I was maybe 6 or 7 walking with my Grandparents and suddenly my mind said, “Don’t forget to think of that thing.” I didn’t even know what that meant, I just knew it wanted me to pay attention to the awareness of something. There was no theme yet, I was too little.

Order and symmetry. I had to make everything equal on both sides of my body because it was lucky. I was a bit over the top with that step on a crack stuff too.

The first symptom i had was when i was around 8-10 years old. I remember explicitly doing a compulsion of touching the bottom of the pool before leaving it. This was before my onset at 19.

Feeling a lump in my throat that would never go away and I would think about and research constantly

nail biting in early elementary school and always asking “why” to SO many things

For me, it was existential. My main themes always seem to trace back to fear of death, eternity, God, etc. All the things we have little to no understanding of. Believe it or not the big trigger that set it off as a kid was learning about the vastness of space.

I remember being little and believing that if I stopped focusing on my breathing it would stop all together.

I started having horrific nightmares around 6 years old and intrusive thoughts of my worst fears and I started doing compulsions to help keep those bad things from happening. I remember when I was actually more in control of my compulsions and i decided that I would be allowed to stop at a certain age but that never happened because it grew with me like a parasite

As a child, I can remember having issues with counting to a certain number or touching lights a certain amount of times or sitting in the closet when my parents weren’t home because I would have an intrusive thought of someone breaking into the house. I was also overly sensitive to words. And I always had songs playing in my head on repeat.

when i was 7 i fully believed that i would get blue waffle because i searched it up on google. same thing with ebola and any other illnesses lol

Weird story, but when I was like 5 my I went to Kmart with my mom. She was gonna buy me a Disney vhs tape (they had different characters each with a unique solid color background). Anyways the one I wanted, forget now which one it was, had a blue background, but I felt I had to pick the one with the green color cuz my eyes are green

I was 9 yrs old & I'm not sure which one came first. Lining things up (shoes, towels etc) touching things till it was ok to stop, checking, rewriting my school work ( numbers were my nemesis, they had to be perfect) walking so many steps in each square & never stepping on the Crack, asking my mom if she loved me or was mad at me A LOT & washing my hands so much they were raw, cracked & bleeding. Most of the things made my mom so angry & she didn't see half if what I did. Here we are 44 yrs later.

I remember when I was a little kid I used to twirl or chew on my hair frequently and my mom would ask why I was doing it and I didn’t have an answer

When I was a child I had this fear of germs/contamination. I remember if my siblings didn’t wash their hands after eating and touched my Barbie car I would cry and I ended up washing the car and taking it apart. My room always needs to be neat and orderly, no one was allowed to play with my toys unless they had washed their hands. I would use my shirt to open the door handles.

I remember having a panic attack when I was 6 and being obsessed with how fast my heart was beating. After that it was hand washing and being obsessed with my breathing.

My first intrusive thought It was probably something like "what if I wont be able to imagine something I want to imagine" and imagining the same exact thing for like 8 hours a day everyday

Anyone experience rib, abdomen and back pain from this? That’s my current symptoms (I went to the doc and checked everything out and it was fine) but my first symptoms without a doubt were the extreme intensity of intrusive thoughts. They came in like a runaway train completely rocked my world starting with harm.

Having to hold my breath for a certain amount of time underwater in the pool or else my parents would be hurt. Damn near drowned multiple times. I think I was about 6

As a kid I worried a lot about my loved ones and what would happen once I’m they passed away. I also spent a lot of time obsessing over things that kids were supposed to do such as playing games or speaking a certain way because even though I was a kid I didn’t feel like one. Then in middle school I had my first big ocd symptom. Harmful images of myself popped into my head. It was terrifying, I had to sleep with my sister because I was so afraid. I was misdiagnosed with anxiety and depression. Now that I am 20, I was finally diagnosed after I began experiencing somatic ocd compulsions. Particularly when I began going to college. Being diagnosed with ocd later in life and as a POC woman has provided some challenges as not everyone knows about ocd and what it is. I would really like to hear if anyone else here can relate to my story.

Picking my scalp in 6th grade. It went away or turned dormant for years until 2019 when I started picking my face and arms/legs. It’s spiraled out of control since then.

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When I was 12 I would refuse to take the knives out of the dishwasher because I was scared I would intentionally stab myself.

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Sexual orientation OCD at age 10/11

Overdoing my homework and trying to memorize all my books

Car lock and blinker checking

First time that kicked it off as an adult was getting told I have a high heart rate after walking over to a physical at work and spending the rest of the day and night thinking about it until I went to the hospital over night certain that I was having a heart attack. A potential indicator as a kid though was spending hours trying to figure out the answer to eternity and working myself to near panic attack at like 7 years old over the concept of living forever and never knowing true sleep 🙃

OCD showed its face for me during postpartum. Although, I may have had it before then it definitely was obvious at that time.

Having intrusive thoughts about getting angry and threatening to harm everyone at school and then going to prison

I had a disturbing thought and I couldn’t let it go. I had a panic attack from and my Harm OCD was off and running. This was in 1970, I was 19. That seems to be the common age for mental illness. Sadly the term ocd had not been heard of back then. I had no help. Just me running scared. It was awful.

The first thing i remember is i would go around my house turning lights off, making sure the oven or stove wasnt turned on, making sure all the windows were locked, etc because if i didnt something terrible would happen to me and my family and it would be all my fault

I was the kind of kid who would never finish things like coloring pages because I was hellbent on coloring within the lines. My teachers told my parents about it. I also used to have tics like clearing my throat or blinking each eye until they felt equal, which were done to make things feel right (ordered, symmetrical, perfect). It escalated a lot from there, but my OCD has always had that "just right" flavor, even when it comes to seemingly unrelated themes like gender and existentialism. Things need to be a certain way or they are worthless or contaminated or simply wrong.

Growing up I thought I just had anxiety until I start having dark intrusive thoughts. I hide my thoughts for years , because I was scared peaple would leave or hate me for them. I hated myself for my ocd thoughs. I have treated my ocd and I am doing better now. I wish the community know what ocd really is , so people with do not go with out treatment and suffer alone. Most of my life I did not know I had ocd , i wish ocd was more know so people could understand/ get help sooner. 1 in 40 people have ocd but still most mental health professionals let alone the public do not understand it.

Words or phrases needing to be repeated over and over again until they felt right

In elementary school at some point we had learned about the world possibly ending in 2012. This caused me to have a reoccurring thought that the sun was going to explode. I had nightmares, daydreams, and thoughts about it all the time, and I thought I had to do something or it would happen. I have memories to this day of these things, and still do some of the internal compulsions I did then.

Everyday I would worry about death (what is it? what happens? How? And what is nothing?) nothingness was the biggest one, I would stay awake as long as I could bc I was afraid I would die in my sleep. (I was 10 when this was happening) idk if this is ocd tho sorry.

After my grandpa passed when I was about 6 all my cousins were talking about death and how people pass away. I couldn’t fathom not being around and not seeing the ones I love so I constantly worried about death/dying for years. Then I threw up after having a lot of chocolate as a child, hated the feeling of throwing up i completely avoided chocolate for 5 years. Told people I was “allergic”.

To be clear, I was not diagnosed until age 34 so I didn’t know this was OCD, but the first intrusive recurring thoughts I remember having as a kid were wolves breaking through my bedroom window and killing me if my blinds weren’t fully closed or someone hiding under my bed or in my closet and stabbing me as soon as I fell asleep. That second thought also led to my first compulsion of checking under the bed and in the closet (but no one ever thinks that’s weird as a kid 😅)

Having what I thought was a panic attack because I was driving home late at night, after work and thinking I just wanted to drive my car off the road.

Now that I know I have OCD not just anxiety I know I’ve had it since I was a child. I would worry that my dad would be in a horrific accident on his way home and call him several times to get his location. I remember having existential OCD as well. Then health related OCD in college that started after convincing myself I was going to drop dead from a heart attack at any second. Then relationship OCD. Then it kind of took a back seat for about 7 years and came back as horrific harm OCD when I had an intense image of beating my mother and killing her which led to a horrific panic attack. I thank God I’ve conquered this thing 🙏🏼

Screaming loud thoughts that didn’t feel like mine or as a kid a weird urge to throw my favorite stuffed animal out the window, which terrified me.

I remember feeling horrified as a little as 4 years old ruminating on about how I would go to hell/shame (moral/religious) from bad situations that I had experienced that were out of my control. But I also think I’ve always had pure ocd also.

This was about 8-10years and I remember when in high school playing sports. During practices at home, I couldn't end on a bad throw. I HAD to make sure my last throw was good enough before I could stop. Then, when I was in my early twenties I used to work at a small jail. We had a certain procedure/list we had to go through when inmates were brought in. I was constantly reciting it, making sure I knew every word, so I wouldn't be embarrassed when it came to actually doing it. I would have to say it before I did something fun, before I got a shower, in the shower...basically before I did anything fun I needed to say it and if I messed up, I had to start over. It was so stressful and I remembered when I got let go, I was so relieved. Back then I didn't notice it as OCD and currently I don't really struggle that bad with needing to say or repeat lists but looking back, I think that's when OCD first "popped its head out".

The first time I realized something was off was when my son had a horrific accident and I thought it was because I was dating my girlfriend.

Intrusive thoughts after watching a tragedy on the news. Mind took that and gave me “what if” thoughts.

I was eight years old. I wondered what would happen if I called 911, so I did and a cop showed up. I was terrified this meant that I and possibly my family would end up in jail. OCD took advantage of this anxiety and me compulsively check whether I touched the phone. I would ask everyone around me if I had touched it, I would avoid looking at phones, and eventually, I was scared of using calculators or anything with numbers

I was sitting at my desk with my girlfriend at the time there just waiting for me to get done with my task, then I started having thoughts that weren’t my own. Violent, and scary. I shut my laptop and just got into bed, I told her it’s time for me to sleep. It never went away, it just became quieter.

I remember waking up thinking I had done something horrible.

One of my earliest memories was not being able to leave the bathroom in our house because I couldn’t life up parts of my hair the “right” way and probably was in there for 2 hours or so. I was crying and it felt like prison.

I remember coming home from work and being disgusted with myself. To help me forget the day, I used to smoke a lot of pot. One day I became self aware and panic from the thoughts of hell fire and the fear of schizophrenia. I quit smoking pot but the thoughts continued.

I have emetophobia. (Fear of vomiting) and the OCD started showing up in checking expiration dates on food constantly and being really persistent over it.

Not that many people know this but I remember my parents were divorcing and they put me in an all boys school. I remember ocd starting where I thought I was attracted to boys.

I had it undiagnosed for so long but I feel the first clear symptom I had were auditory hallucinations for harm ocd when I was a teen.

My first indication was starting to get up at night to check the stove, worrying that the gas burners were still on.

Yes I developed contamination OCD related to insomnia about 3 months ago. Now that I am handling my insomnia better I have a much firmer a grasp on my OCD and I'm hoping to totally eradicate it. I think for some people if they can solve the underlying issue that caused their OCD they can either eradicate it or get a better handle on it.

washing my hands excessively with hand sanitizer when I was really little until my hands turned red - it’s funny bcuz this is the closest thing I had to society’s idea of OCD and now my OCD is more magical thinking

I remember as a kid I had to look at the alarm clock a certain number of times or else I felt something bad would happen. My ocd used to be more physical now it’s real event ocd and harm ocd

the earliest I can remember is when I was little and in a store if something was out of place I'd have to fix it or put it in the correct spot until I was made to leave. another was I would only sleep facing the left because I would tell myself if I didn't a tornado would come and destroy everything and everyone

excoriation

When I was a child, 10 or so, my grandfather went on a carousel with me. He got motion sickness and I convinced myself it was my fault. He was fine after a couple of hours but I was convinced he could have died and it would have been my fault. I ruminated about that situation for ~months~, replaying the memory in my head trying to “figure it out.”

i remember when my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer, i was convinced it was my fault. ive been convinced that i have gotten so many family members sick and died- and i am such a hypochondriac, i get scared if i cough once i am literally going to die!!

Groinal response 😒😒

Intrusive wish and saying negetive words about someone or religion... It's been 11 years

Having to go outside 4-5 times, even down the street due to intrusive thoughts

When I realized I was washing my hands and applying hand sanitizer after every time id touch a surface. Any surface.

I remember OCD showing up early in grade school as a kid when I had EXTREME guilt about looking at someone else’s school work (cheating) & ruminating big time, before I knew what rumination was!

I was 7 and picturing myself killing myself with knives even though I really REALLY didn’t want to.

Things began to feel dirty on my hands

Had a few little spikes as a teen (writing in code in a diary as a compulsion to stop my family getting ill etc) but first massive moment was an ROCD spike during a holiday when I was 22. Had absolutely no idea what was going on with me and it was terrifying. Took over 10 years to get a diagnosis of OCD after years of failed CBT for generalised anxiety and had other fun themes involving morals & perfectionism. Such a misunderstood illness that I wouldn’t wish on anyone but grateful to have this community!

Compulsive prayer.

I'm not really sure the first time I realised there was a problem with me was early this year but I feel like I've been having OCD attacks since I was young but didn't really know it was OCD at the time.

When I was in middle school I remember having horrifying blasphemous thoughts about God and occasionally sexual thoughts about guys or even little kids. I was afraid to tell ANYONE this because I thought the thoughts meant something. Years went by and although these thoughts were not plaguing, I still remembered that I had them and always wondered what the hell they were. After my latest and worst OCD flare up where I had no choice but to figure out what it was, now I know it wasn’t me, and I wasn’t a monster…

Hair pulling. Woof.

Reading so many of these just reminded me of one of my first experiences. When I was 6, a classmate/new friend walked in on me in the bathroom. I don’t know when it stopped but for over 15 years every time I went to use a bathroom I’d repeat the same prayer and hold the door with one hand. I literally couldn’t eliminate without fear for what felt like, my life. I was so scared.

My OCD started after the passing of my mother, I had recently started my relationship with my now fiancée and I felt the need to confess everything I had done in my life that might question her feelings for me, to see if she’d leave because I was so scared of that thought after just losing my mother.

I was about 4 years old and instantly got a feeling of hyper awareness of reality and the world felt like I added another dimension. I'm now 49 years old and I still remember it

When I Was 7 or 8, I used nail polish remover to take off some old polish on my hands. I had later noticed my thumb tasted like chemicals. I was CONVINCES I was going to die

Just, constantly thinking and ruminating and feeling a lot of constant dread and anxiety, like my whole world was coming down around me.. Like i didn’t deserve to live until i was sure my fears weren’t true

Being little and becoming hyper aware of my breathing and worry about forgetting to breath. I think I was 5

Washing my hands till they bled so I didn’t get my family sick. Only 11

Constantly having to open and close my eyes while trying to sleep because I convinced myself that I was going blind and had to make sure I can still see. I was 10 ot something like that.

When I had to go through a door an expecific way. Or else I had to repeat the process 3-5 times

When I was about 5 years old a neighbor kid told me I would be alone someday because my parents had me when they were older. There were some kids visiting there aunt and uncle down the street from me. She told me it was because their parents had died. After that I had to ask my Mom every night if her and my Dad were going to die a couple times a night. One night she finally said I wish I would so I would not have to listen to you. At age 68 I still worry about loved ones dying. I have to picture the word life in my head all the time.

First thing I had was thinking my parents weren’t gonna be proud or happy if I didn’t do stuff. My mind would and still does always race with thoughts like “if im not the best at the piano recital, my parents will not love me as their kid anymore” and “if I don’t do well in college, there gonna think im a bad student” even tho I graduated at 14 and my parents couldn’t be prouder, these thoughts still came over me. Even as young as 4, I used to be scared that if I didn’t finish an art camp my parents would think I was a quitter (js for reference, my parents are great parents, even tho they are divorced)

I was in middle school, and I was playing Ultimate Frisbee in PE. I had the frisbee and there were a few people yelling out my name to pass to them. To me it felt like a lit, and was afraid one would get mad if I passed to the other, or I wouldn’t make the right decision. I ended up just dropping the frisbee, making my whole team mad at me. I didn’t know at the time that it was OCD, just thought I was having a panic attack or something. Now I know what it was, and I’m so mad.