TT2022

Date posted: 51w

Reassurance seeking

I asked my child for reassurance and I feel horrible about it. I didn’t specifically ask what I was worried about but I asked in a roundabout generic way and it probably sounded strange. I’ve done this before and told myself I would not do it again each time but when I do my feeling is that it’s better to ask and get some peace of mind then to not ask. Even though I know that’s the wrong way to look at it. How do I move on from this guilt and disgust with myself? Can anyone relate to this??? I feel so alone being a parent with OCD.

Julian2006

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 51w

I may not be a parent, but I understand the struggles of POCD. I’m really scared and worried that I’ll have a compulsion that I’d act on around kids, so I avoid them entirely. I do know that we’re killing ourselves and self sabotaging by worrying so much. One step at a time, we can get through this.

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 51w

I say this loveingly but your avoidance is a compulsion that feeds your OCD. If you simply cannot stand to physically be around children due to extreme anxiety, you should consider doing an exposure where maybe you watch a kids movie- like the Sandlot or something that the entire cast is children and learn to tolerate the discomrt it brings. i had a brief bout with POCD and it was AWFUL!!! but luckily I got past it. Remember the theme is unimportant, the treatment is the same. ERP. at a rate you can tolerate.

Julian2006

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 51w

@TexasOCD41 You’re right! I realize that it’s unhealthy, I’m so focused on the thought of getting a compulsion and acting on it at the expense of children, that I’m doing the opposite by avoiding them. I realize that it’s an issue, I think I just really need my hand to be held during it, because it’s a scary situation for me.. POCD sucks.

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 51w

@Julian2006 - i totally get that. My NOCD therapist is really great and I would highly recommend getting in with one if you haven't already.

Julian2006

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 51w

@TexasOCD41 Got mine yesterday! I have my first diagnostic call today. I’m nervous, but I know I need to do this. For myself, and for the children I’ll inevitably be surrounded by.

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 51w

@Julian2006 - Also, the thought is the obsession. the compulsion is the behavior you do to get relief. So you are focused and hyper aware of obsessions (hurting children) so you avoid them (compulsion). Just helping you keep the terminogly in order. it helps in the long run.

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 51w

@Julian2006 - oh awesome! their are alos support groups on this app. i recently used one for accepting uncertainty and I'm going to one today for health anxiety but I'm pretty sure I saw some for POCD and Parents. go check those out. you got this!

Julian2006

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 51w

@TexasOCD41 I see. This helps a lot, actually. I had a thought that I was going to hurt a child in front of everyone a few days ago, and it felt so real like if I was going to ACT on it right then and there, and I got so afraid that I walked outside and refused to go back inside for a while. I always thought it was a compulsion to hurt that child, but reading your message, it makes me realize that it wasn’t a compulsion.. I think I’ve gave my OCD so much power that it made me believe I was a moment away from doing something horrific. I’m real glad you helped me draw that distinction, I needed this.

Julian2006

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 51w

@TexasOCD41 Thank you! You’re awesome!! I’ll definitely try and connect with a POCD support group. I’m a young adult, just recently turned 18, so it’s a bit hard dealing with these horrific thoughts so suddenly, but I’m glad I’m surrounded by people like you who don’t take my paranoia at face value. :D

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 51w

Reassurance-seeking is one of my top 2 worst compulsions. I recently started working with my therapist and in no uncertain terms was told I needed to stop it or I would only continue to perpetuate my OCD. I reduced my compulsions by about 85% percent last week and let me tell you, it has SPIKED my anxiety but I'm dedicated to healing so I try my best. Do I slip? of course ( hince why its 85% not 100% reduction) but its about progress not perfection. In your case, it absolutely is NOT better to get peace of mind, that is OCD. Guilt and Disgust are also OCD. You can't go back and change it but you can move forward and fix it. From now on, resist, and tolerate the uncertainty. I am not a parent with OCD but I do relate to how isolating OCD feels. My husband is SO clueless about it ( arent they all) and talking to him about it tends to result in a compulsion or him saying something that triggers me lol. Utilize your therapy, utilize this group, and utilize the NOCD website. you got this!

Lunah30

Date posted: 44w

Yes I can definitely relate to it as an aunt It’s been a horrible past few months for me,same I asked my niece for reassurance and still I’m Not convinced that my sick ass did something to her and I hate this feeling and shame

Anony1314

Date posted: 21w

A VERY distressed mom. Someone anyone help!

Please comment. Just say if follows along the OCD pattern or not. I don't need reassurance per se! My daughter was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt/a**aulted her that I might as well do something else to hurt because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it because my mind told me I had hurt her already ("my mind literally made me question what to do and I guess the only thing I could come up with was using my elbow) and causing another feeling but it came across my mind to elbow her, and I elbowed her crotch or side/thigh area. Which caused another very unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out. And I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be hers anymore. Idk what overcame me but my therapist says it's all OCD. I was doing SO well! Is this really OCD? This has all caused me a great amount of anxiety. I feel like a terrible person and mom. I just need help knowing if this is OCD. Not wanting reassurance. Just wanting to know if this lines up with the POCD I've been diagnosed with by my current therapist.

POCD

Anony1314

Date posted: 19w

Can't get past it. Need supportive friends comment

Please read and comment kindly. Really looking for support. My child was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt them that I might as well do something else because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it and causing another feeling (I literally had to question what to do during this and the only thing I could come up with was to move my elbow towards her groin area) but it came across my mind to elbow my child, and I elbowed their crotch or side area. Which caused another unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out and asked my child to move. Then I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be theirs anymore. Idk what overcame me, and in the moment, it felt like I wanted to move my elbow, but I know that can also be my OCD speaking. Right? I clearly regret it all and hate myself. I would never intentionally hurt my child; I don't know what happened in my head when this happened. I was doing SO well! Is this my POCD that I've been diagnosed with by my OCD specialized therapist? Just a struggling mom who used to be the best of the best. I'm very depressed by this. Idk what to do with myself. I live in regret now, and I just wish it would've never ever happened. I can't stop ruminating and being depressed thinking I don't deserve anything.

POCD

Anony1314

Date posted: 19w

VERY stressed and ruminating. Please comment POCD

POCD

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