has anyone actually done some bad things as a child, and now your ocd fixated on it? am I terrible for what I've done as a child? I know now how wrong and weird and gross it was, and I would never want to do something of that nature Ever again and it's also illegal. what should I do. I don't want to live as someone who has done that.
I’ve had the same thing, I actually did confess to my ex boyfriend and he laughed at me as he said everyone does silly things as I child! I haven’t said to anyone else but I do like to remember that everyone has done stuff when they were younger that they don’t fixate on, because we have ocd we fixate on it, there is no need to confess, remember that your actually a good person for feeling guilty about things but there is no need to feel bad about things u did as a child, you don’t know any better at that age and there’s nothing you can do but forgive yourself and realise you are a good person
I also have a bf now and I think about confessing to him but I know there is no need to engage with the thoughts I have about it and then they pass
Id also like to add that mine feels like the worst thing in the world, I know I said my ex laughed at it but honestly it does feel awful but I think that emphasises how we really do fixate on things that most likely everyone has done
could I ask you to share what it was your fixated on? if not that is okay :)
It involved something sexual with my cousin when I was about 7 it makes me feel sick to think of it but after posting on here before I have learnt that we are just children and don’t know any better
Can I ask if urs is anything similar? As you said all okay if u don’t wanna say
yes mine is similar, but ibwas a but older at around 10-11 i think. it makes me sick to think of it too. I never actually did anything physically to the person, but it was still awful. there's two evens that one and another involving an old pet probably when I was 10 or 11. it's so weird and gross and I know as a child I only thought it was bad because it was of a sexual nature, but now it's just making me feel so awful and gross. I know I shouldn't engage with these thoughts and I'm really trying. I know people have also had similar or scarier experiences who deal with the same thing as me. I was a child but I feel too old to have not known better back then.
@stxrmads Definitely not too old 10/11 is still a child!! honestly I do believe as long as u weren’t a fully formed adult say 16+ you don’t know any better. At the age of 10 ur not even in secondary school yet ( I’m from Ireland I’m not sure if that applies to you) but you really are a child who is curious and has no idea what’s right and wrong. You are judging the thoughts based off if you were to do it now but these events happened when we were children. I know it’s not good to ruminate/ reassure/ research but I have done all that and now if the thought occurs I tell myself “ you were just a child you know this now we don’t need to give this thought attention” and then although it will keep popping up and I’ll want to keep checking how bad it was I’ll tell myself no
@Mimi2323 It eventually passes but it will never pass if you constantly give it the attention ur brain thinks it needs. And again it only thinks it needs that attention because ur scared of it, you are scared of it because ur a good person with good morals and have learnt what’s right and wrong since you were 10/11 just like everyone else
@Mimi2323 thank you, it means a lot. :) I hope it does pass completely one day. Therapy isn't an option right now but hopefully soon, and I can't wait to be able to actually have the tools and the knowledge and a professional trained to handle cases like this instead of just hoping/waiting until it gets better which I have done with a precious ocd theme, but I have fears of it coming back before I can get into therapy.
@stxrmads It was nice to chat to someone going through the same thing, I see were similar ages too from ur bio it’s so sad we are going through this at this age but I believe in you u seem smart and composed and I’m sure you will fight that ocd with therapy and without, best of luck :))
@Mimi2323 thank you, and yes I find chats like this helpful and nice to talk to people who truly who understand what's happening, and without judgement. i value them so much. Best of luck to you too !! :)
the people in my life would look at me so differently if they knew. what do I do
I'm so scared I'm going to confess to my boyfriend about this. I can't he wouldn't look at me the same. this is awful
@stxrmads You were just a child.
17f I have a lot of events, but my main and my worst one which is absolutely fucking diabolical was done when I was 14 and repeated when I was 16. Everytime I post something about real event ocd here people are like you are probably didn't do anything that bad, and when they hear what I did they are like yeah that's bad. Someone even asked me if I'm autistic cause "it's crazy how you didn't realize that the thing ypu were doing was wrong at this age." And I kinda agree, like it's fucked up It's just that my event is bad. Doesn't mean I don't have real event ocd. You can have a reocd over the event that was bad, it doesn't mean the event wasn't that bad or you don't have recod. It's just people always expect it to be something innocent and it's not Even a healthy person would feel guilty over it, it's just that I had ocd my whole life and it's making the guilt absolutely destructive, like to the point when I sometimes have a hard time breathing when I think about it, I lost more than a year of life to it, almost checked myself out couple of times if I wasn't so scared of pain/failure, the event haunts me in my dreams, it's in my head 24/7 and I will never able to forgive myself. That ocd. But the event itself was bad. So maybe i deserve it.
What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭
What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 14... don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭
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