This isn’t ocd, but pls help (TW!! aggressive bf!)

I have done lots of bad things in my past and I mean like EXTREMELY unacceptable things from when I was a kid up until 16 (I’m almost 18 right now) My main theme of ocd is moral scrupulosity ocd and ROCD. Most of the time it’s partner focused. (Met my partner when he was 17, he is now 18) When I first met my boyfriend a year and 4 months ago, he used to be really immature for probably the first half of the relationship. He said slurs he shouldn’t say sometimes because he used to play games with people who thought it was okay to say certain things so he picked it up. A few months ago I brought it up to him and had a conversation. He has since stopped saying slurs (apart from one we can both reclaim because we are neurodivergent) he said I made him realise it was wrong and he never really had anyone to tell him that the things he said were wrong in the past years he played video games where people would say extreme stuff. I see people online getting cancelled for slurs and more etc (probably rightly so if the person thinks it’s okay and they are a grown adult who should know better) but even situations where one person said one offensive thing 3+ years ago and never did it again they end up getting cancelled. My ocd gets triggered when I see people being cancelled and people saying “people who do that will never change” “ they deserve to be hated forever” “they don’t deserve forgiveness” I see others in comments saying stuff like “come on they are/were a child/teen, they will learn, they just need educating not cancelling” and people attack them. I believe that my Boyfriend has changed and whenever I speak about people saying slurs they can’t reclaim and how it’s wrong he agrees. I would say he has matured a lot since the start of our relationship. Is it right to think that sometimes cancel culture is stupid and the people who take it to extreme levels are closed minded and refuse to accept the fact that people can change? (Eg. Cancelling someone for something they realised was wrong and stopped) Do people need to be more open minded and forgiving/understand the situation sometimes?

I have not once felt loved by my mom. Growing up she was always emotionally distant and would get mad at me so easily (and still does). She has threatened multiple times when I was younger that she would hit me (and has once even though she apologized) She yells at me for the dumbest things. I’m 25 and still live at home because I am a full time college student and I can’t afford to move out with the job I have. She’s not my biological mother because she adopted me when I was born and took me away from my biological parents who I was told would be a bad situation to put me in and took me out of it. She is technically my aunt, my biological father’s sister. My father apparently didn’t get along with her growing up and treated her badly. I never even met him after I was really little and he had visitation rights. He passed away in 2013 so I never really got to be around him or know him or vice versa. She talks bad about him and you can tell she hated my biological father but I feel like she carries that hate onto me also even though I have never done anything to her. She’s even told me I’m like him when I have no idea how that’s possible if we didn’t have a relationship. She gets mad when I’m sick and if I even open up about how I feel about something she shuts me down and tells me that it’s my fault. She’s called me so many names that have torn me apart to the point I absolutely hate myself and didn’t even want to be around anymore. She scares me sometimes when she gets angry and I just don’t know what I ever done to make her hate me. Recently I ended up having Covid (for the second time) and she didn’t even care. She told me I was fine and that it was all in my head. I rarely can stick up for myself but when I told her she never believes me when I’m sick and needed to be more compassionate she said “f u” and ever since things have been worse. Growing up whenever I would achieve something she didn’t care. I was in orchestra growing up and during my concerts she would always be on her phone not paying attention and then afterwards didn’t say a thing when my grandma and dad would make comments. I don’t know if I’m overthinking this and I don’t know if any of it is considered wrong on her part or if I’m the problem. Before my dad (her husband and only father figure I’ve ever had) passed away, he made me promise to forgive her but I don’t think I can. I will always remember how hurt she’s made me feel. I have always felt hated by my mom. Now I feel like I hate her and I feel so much guilt for that. I wish I could get away but unfortunately I can’t. I don’t want to sound ungrateful. It’s a pain I would never wish on anyone. She posts on social media about peoples behavior but yet she acts that way in private and that’s what has triggered all of this because how can you post on social media about people acting that way or saying that what you say to people matters but yet you do that too. I’m sorry to vent like this but I have no one to go to. This is my only safe place 💔

My brother and I (I’m 20, he’s 16 but he’s taller and heavier than me) used to get violent with one another. I had anger issues growing up in an angry home (our dad was just like this), and I would yell and shout a lot, and we’d get into physical fights. I’ve been a LOT better about it over the past few years especially since I moved out to college, but yesterday as I was laying on the couch healing from my wisdom teeth extraction, he started hitting me with a plushie and then wiped his boogers on it. I tried really hard to ignore him but he just kept going and going, and then i tried to leave the room but he followed me and kept bothering me. I finally slapped him, he punched me with what felt like full force in the back (causing me to tear up from the pain), and I ended up scratching him so hard that it left a big mark. He punched me in the back again really hard and I ended up just crying. I now feel really really really horrible. We talked it out and both apologized and said we loved each other. But now i’m really worried. I’m concerned that I’m an abusive monster, that I have a personality disorder, that I’ve traumatized him over the years. I don’t know if these sorts of fights are normal between siblings or if there is something seriously wrong with me. Things like this have happened before. I keep googling scary things.