lets chat

@collin939 Thank you 😁 & Well i struggle really badly because of childhood trauma. Stemming from when i was like 2 years old. Its like i have to unlearn EVERYTHING ive been taught. How do you let go of guilt thats not even yours to carry?

@Viny Hi of course, whats going on?

@scnocd2006 I am honestly battling anxiety and intrusive thoughts due to trauma I was sexually abused muitimes during my teen years, I suspect I might have cptsd too because of this and honestly I'm quite drained

@Viny I completely understand you. Especially with the assault. We could talk privately if you'd like? To get a bit more in depth. Whatever you're comfortable with

@scnocd2006 - I mean yeah, where could I talk with you?

@scnocd2006 - Shoot, that's a problem I live outside the USA

@Viny im just now seeing this because of a guideline issue. Welp, we could still talk here its a safe space after all :)

@scnocd2006 - well yeah... to tell you my story I'm 21 year old guy who was sexually abused in my teen years by a (male) school collegue, since then I have suffered from all sorts of anxiety from sexual intrusive thoughts to me remembering and reliving the assault and start shaking, from triggers that arise and leave me unable to finish a task recently I have been having a lot of intrusive thoughts, and they leave me absolutely terrified and disgusted, and fearful they might happen or if I do something such as looking at someone or at an object they will become reality, I could I say I engaged in mental compulsions too last two weeks I have been viewing and reviewing every interaction I had every memory from my teen years and childhood and trying to rationalise it, I often asked "why did I look at someone a certain way?" and then anxiety strook!

@scnocd2006 - sorry if I'm not being totally coherent, as I write this my hands are just shaking.

@Viny Dude. Youre the first person ive talked to that experiences this too. Especially with the intrusive thoughts and THEN overthinking about it. First of all, i know that experience was extremely traumatic and stressful but you are INCREDIBLY strong for not only seeking help but talking about it. One thing thats helped a lot is to write it down! Write down what you feel about the situation write down your thoughts and be 100% honest with yourself. Second is to grasp that YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS. Especially not the intrusive ones! They come from unresolved pain and trauma which you are more than capable of taking control of. I dont want to overwhelm you so Ill leave it there for now. Please continue to talk to me if you need or want advice or just someone to listen that truly understands what its like. 🤍

@scnocd2006 - I want to thank you for listening to me, it's been incredibly hard but I do end up engaging in mental compulsions and physical too from time to time, it used to be much much worse I'm doing my best, and I know everybody here is too, I suspect I had OCD since I was a kid, when I hit puberty I was an angel freak with a lot of ticks one of them was even me holding my breath for 4 seconds and then repeating a number of times or else I felt like dying lol it's funny when I think of that now but at the time it was hell

@Viny - Edit: Angle not Angel

@Viny - Edit: Angle not Angel

@Viny Im telling you it seems so silly now lol thats my hope for all of us, that we look back at all these triggers and laugh. 😆 but oh my goodness that tick thinggg, i had one where i kept shaking my head back and forth for a certain number of times, i guess to make sure my brain was still in there lol. But like I said, we can talk as much as youd like! Keep going and keep being strong. you got this for sure.

@scnocd2006 Lmao 😂 yeah compared to the intrusions I have now, those days were tame, but then yeah it's hell sometimes