I hate this

Why do I keep having these thoughts? And then it’s like if I don’t care about the thought then I must want it to be true. It’s like if I don’t have anxiety over it then I’m like “oh god does that mean that I’m really going to harm myself” this is so debilitating. I just want to stop thinking and go back to how it was before all this started. Prior to the harm ocd thoughts I was terrified of dying. All I can think about now is su*c*dal ocd. It never goes away. I’m sitting on my couch and I just have the most uncomfortable feeling and a million thoughts going through my head. I’ve been dealing with this for 2 months now. Mine is a little different I feel like than the traditional hard ocd bc I’m not scared to be around knives and stuff so that makes me feel like is it actually real ideation since I’m not scared to be around stuff that could harm me?

Suicidal OCD

Who_knows?

Date posted: 48w

In the same boat ! I’m not afraid to be around knives but this who theme has made me depressed (sometimes) that when I am sad my brain goes straight to “s” and then I start thinking of my life and all this crap and makes me think omg am I really having “s” thoughts then my heart races I get hot and think I’m so scared it’s gonna be like this forever I’m doomed I don’t want this to become my reality ! Prior to this is was scared of dying from taking medication like magnesium and then scared I was gonna die of a heart attack and die in my sleep and leave my kids and husband and one day had an image in my head of me doing “s” or whatever and now all my brain thinks about is “s” . But I think I wonder is “real s” people even think of it as much as our brains are doing ? I haven’t been diagnosed with ocd but I I know I have health anxiety for sure !

Melena

Date posted: 48w

@Walters15! It’s literally on my mind non stop… and see I don’t get hot or anything when I think about it… obviously it’s causing me distress but I just want to go back to how I was before. And same before this started I had severe health anxiety and now it’s like I don’t have health anxiety at all anymore all I can focus on is this at the moment. It’s torture. I just want to be happy and not thing or feel these things

Who_knows?

Date posted: 48w

@Lovebugsun1822! Exactly ! We will get through this !! 🙏🙏 I also made a post asking people who dealt with this to help give some pointer on how they overcame this theme !

Melena

Date posted: 48w

@Walters15! It’s also the worry that I’m going to act on it one day or something is going to drive me to do it. It’s so exhausting

Who_knows?

Date posted: 48w

@Lovebugsun1822! Totally get it !

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 48w

@Lovebugsun1822! OCD tends to switch around. That is normal. Don’t worry. Have you tried ERP therapy? It can make a world of difference

haleymoriarty

Date posted: 48w

omg i am dealing with the exact same thing to a T!!!! i dont get scared around knives so i always think its real- mine is more like omg what if this isnt worth it just give up thoughts and it TERRIFIES ME!! i also used to be terrified of death that was my theme before this so i am so confused. usually i love life and there isnt anything wrong. this theme makes me sick and i just wanted to tell you that you’re not alone

cows12465

Date posted: 24w

suic. ocd tips

so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.

cows12465

Date posted: 24w

suic. ocd advice?

lu22

Date posted: 23w

Harm ocd come back

Suddenly I started ruminating again but I no longer get bad anxiety over the thoughts but it feels like the ‘urges’ are still there and it’s making it seem more real that these are true. Why am I having urges without the anxiety or it’s weird like i don’t even know when im anxious maybe i got use to the feeling of being anxious but it feels too real and I get these weird thought that are like ‘imagine you was evil anyways’ or ‘imagine you want to be but your in denial’ or the worst makes it feel like you would like acting on the thoughts even if you choose not to do it and it feels really real. The thoughts are about stabbing and it felt so real and I started imaging it on purpose to ‘test’ myself but it doesn’t ever feel like I hate it enough or don’t want it like I feel numb to everything and it feels really real like I want it or do want to do it but I’m just choosing not to and it’s scary but I use to get so much anxiety over this and now nothing now it feels like I don’t even feel like I ‘hate’ it or I should know that I don’t want to do that? Instead of sitting there experimenting with the thoughts to see. I want it to feel like I don’t want it and don’t like it I constantly feel like I’m lying about not wanting this, but it’s concerning me a lot because it feels so real that I like it or want it and there was one point where it felt like it was about to happen and that I wanted it and now that’s made me think there is something wrong with me or that I want to give in to it 🙁 please I don’t belive anything I don’t even belive I am sad it feels so real that it was about to happen or I wanted it and I don’t know what to do I was fine before and suddenly I started ruminating and now this

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

I hate this

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community