Really scared and tired (please read)

So for the past month I have been dealing with the theme of going into a psychosis/or becoming schizophrenic. Having thoughts like is this really my reality? I am really here? I’m I just hallucinating what I want to see and did something horrible? Very scary thoughts. I’ve also been dealing with harm intrusive towards myself and towards my family. Recently this week I’ve developed a new theme of fearing not being able to sleep and going crazy from not being able to sleep. I lay there at night waiting to fall asleep and no matter how tired I was all day sleep doesn’t come. And then when I actually get some hours of sleep I question if I really slept and didn’t just hallucinate sleep. Which is very ridiculous I know. I’m just really scared and feel so helpless right now. I haven’t been diagnosed for OCD but I’m positive it’s what I have. I’m just so tired and feel like crying all the time. Sleep was the one thing I had to escape from all this crap and now that has gotten taken away from me as well. I just want my life back. Yesterday my family came over and for once I was able to forget about the thoughts for the time they were here and it felt so nice. I’m trying so hard to be okay for my family but I’m not. Im drowning on the inside and I just want to breathe. I can’t afford therapy right now and I have been prescribed sertraline 25mg for my anxiety but I’m to scared to take it. If anyone can relate or give me advice it would be greatly appreciated. I know reassurance is not what I should be getting but I’m just so scared.

Username: andyman738andyman738

Date posted: 10w ago

I’m going through so many of the same things. Fear of psychosis, not sleeping, and pretending to be okay. I wake up literally every night at almost 2AM exactly. I don’t know what the solution is but I’m with you.

Username: Amara Amara

Date posted: 10w ago

It's understandable you are dealing with a lot of distressing thoughts and anxiety, which can be overwhelming and exhausting. These thoughts may be related to OCD, as you mentioned. However, there are alternative options instead of therapy. you mentioned being prescribed Sertraline for anxiety. It's crucial to talk to your doctor about any concerns you have with taking medication and discuss the potential benefits it could provide in managing your symptoms. In the meantime, practicing deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, and engaging in activities you enjoy, can help alleviate some of the stress and anxiety you're experiencing.Remember, you have to believe in yourself and practice mindfulness and meditation, and be positive. It's not a one-night job, but by practicing being observant, you can overcome these thoughts and let go of these feelings. Also, reading books can help you. Don't push yourself to sleep. Just try muscle tension and deep breathing to calm your mind and body. Don't be afraid of not sleeping. I know it's easier said than done, but when we're afraid, our bodies react as if that's how it works.

Username: @John@John

Date posted: 10w ago

I having same situation 2 year back and i suffered 2 weeks by I watching the intensellar and inception movies caused me fears and ideas. At the end of day I had read existential ocd theme blog in nocd. And i accepted the uncertainty that we might be in matrix. Fear and thoughts faded away gradually.

Username: geminileogeminileo

Date posted: 10w ago

I’m going through the same thing right now, I actually made a post about it a little bit ago. I would definitely work with your doctor and see if there’s anything they can do besides medication. I take 150mg of sertraline and it’s really helped my OCD, I understand that it can be scary but if you start out on a small dose it could be very helpful.

Username: MalisimoMalisimo

Date posted: 10w ago

Well first off you do need some reassurance that you will be ok and can overcome this. I have been down this road with many of these themes. Remember these are just thoughts they don’t hold any real power except what you give them. The key to getting through all of these themes is the same, do not try to control them. I know this will sound difficult but simply do not engage in any way with these thoughts and questions your ocd creates. Will you go crazy and develop psychosis? That question has no answer, it is not a problem to solve. Your base fear is that you will go crazy and be trapped in a terrifying situation with no escape. This is the same fear all ocd themes boil down to. None of these fears/themes have any answers. If you do try to solve them to get relief you then have created an actual problem by going into an ocd loop. The loop of fear, anxiety, problem solving, temporary relief, then needs to be exited. This is where you are now, you need to exit the loop. Only way out is to stop trying to figure this out. You don’t have an actual problem beyond the ocd loop which IS now the problem.

Username: thinkalot24thinkalot24

Date posted: 9w ago

I’ve been through all the things you have said too. OCD is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with in my life but even with it I still love a very fulfilling life. I promise you it gets better. You’ve got this

Username: j

Date posted: 3y ago

I don’t normally make posts like this but if anyone can relate or has advice so I don’t feel so alone I would appreciate it! I feel like crying and I’m so anxious. So I’ve been dealing with an ocd flare up since February. It started out as contamination and harm after I had a really bad experience on a edible. The contamination mostly centered around the fear of someone accidentally giving me an edible to someone putting it in my food or water. Then it went from there to my Brian going you know what’s worse than edibles? LSD. So then I obsessed over that and it’s been like that on and off. I’ve had an extremely hard time with it it’s been one of the worst themes I ever had. I don’t eat certain things. Especially sweets. I avoid them. I avoid taking medication Bc I’m scared. I limit myself. I’m horrible about opening water bottles and if it doesn’t open just right I won’t drink out of it. I know it’s crazy I know it’s untrue but the panic I feel traces back to that night. I don’t ever want to feel that out of control again it scared me so bad I got diagnosed with ptsd (to be fair I had a lot of unresolved trauma that caused my glass to overfill) well, I’ve been going to EMDR therapy it’s got my ptsd under control but the ocd is louder. My ocd is clawing to stay alive. I’ve started to have intrusive thoughts now about my boyfriend might slip something into my water even though ITS NOT TRUE. So then I panic because the thoughts are so irrational that I get scared like why would I ever think that about him???? But the intrusive thoughts are so jarring and I don’t want my ocd to focus on him now! I need advice! I’ve been prescribed pristiq but haven’t taken it Bc you guessed it.,.. I’m scared to! I can’t go on like this! The thoughts are so irrational it scares me even though the rational side of me knows it’s not true but I guess that’s ocd. We get scared of the thoughts even though we know it’s not true and I know it’s my brain trying to keep the ocd going. I know therapy must be working otherwise my theme subjects wouldn’t have changed so fast. I’m so tired of this.

Username: hannahj99

Date posted: 1y ago

Newbie that’s confused and scared of meds

Hello everyone! I have been through a whirlwind of mental health struggles but OCD feels like it might be “running the show” and I didn’t know if anyone else could relate The first time I got told I was struggling with ocd was by a therapist only a few months ago who said I “fall under the cloud of harm ocd” This lead me to a downward spiral because I had never had a mental health diagnosis before and I was so scared right away that nobody would believe me or help me. I feel like my life has been so out of control over the last few months. I’m dealing with some other things such as big life changes and identity crisis (fresh out of college, no longer a student athlete, came out to my family). I had to leave my first job as an icu nurse for the immense distress it caused me as i was working day/night rotating shifts and being triggered unknowingly to some trauma that I didn’t even know I was holding onto. I now experience heavy mood swings and dissociation at times related to ptsd and I feel like life just isn’t the same. I’m in such a tough spot because I seem to have a fear of being misdiagnosed/improperly treated, a fear of taking meds, a fear of unintentionally harming myself, and my needs for safety reassurance are so strong that I’m back home with my parents and scared to do anything. I’m a nurse as well so I know way too much about the meds and side effects. At the end of the day, the logical part of my brain wants meds to help me , but the fear or starting meds, the side effects, and the trial and error of them not knowing what will work leaves me stuck and feeling hopeless. I always end up thinking that I could just feel better if I jumped back into my normal busy life, but when I do so and get triggered (ocd or ptsd) I am left hopeless and begging my parents to get me on meds. Each appointment though leads to significant anxiety and like I have to say every single detail , which ends in me getting frustrated and confused not wanting to take meds after all because i don’t think they have the full picture. I had a bad experience with Zoloft bringing out manic symptoms when I first started it. It was terrifying. I’ve been switching provider to provider trying to find someone I trust, but in the mean time my anxiety is worsening and I feel more confused of what my symptoms really are in the first place. I have Xanax that I can take 3x daily but I don’t like feeling like I’m going to get addicted to it if I keep taking it and avoid getting on long term meds. I don’t trust any doctors and I feel the need to tell them every single little detail which I feel like leads to further frustration and maybe even impaired treatment plans. I’m sorry if this is a lot but I’m really struggling and needing some support and guidance 😭

Username: AnonUser

Date posted: 13w ago

Tired of living in fear and questioning everything

I’m tired guys. I’m tired of thinking something is always wrong with my health, tired of letting random symptoms/ sensations take over my brain and make me think something is horribly wrong. Tired of thinking I need to go to the doctors to get X & Y looked at. I’m tired of always assuming worst case scenario. I’m tired of constantly thinking if something is unethical/ immoral if I don’t do something, tired of always thinking I’m offending a religious higher being, tired of thinking I’m a bad/ disgusting person for my thoughts. I’ve had OCD ruin so many things for me that should have been fun. It’s ruined intercourse/ intimacy because of religious thoughts, or I keep thinking about STDs/ infections. I’ve been having panic attacks lately, something I’ve never experienced, because of life changes and it’s all gotten in the way of my structured life and it’s been very uncomfortable. Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m in danger, or nothing is real. Right now I’m fearing the most that I’m losing my mind, who I am, and I’m just so scared of my mental health getting worse and going manic or developing a dangerous mental illness. My mental health has NEVER been this bad. This is all new and it’s so scary. I was just fine a few months ago, sure I was dealing with other OCD stuff, the intrusive thoughts, the fears, the repetitive actions just to make sure something is the way I want it/ brings me comfort. But ever since my structure was changed/ ruined, it’s all been downhill. I just finished an EMT program, and that messed with me. Saw/ experienced things I’ve never done before and man, it’s really messed with me. Working on getting a new job in healthcare but still don’t have insurance so getting a new OCD specialized therapist has been difficult. Can someone relate just so I don’t feel like I’m crazy?..

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Really scared and tired (please read)

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