Struggling with Avoidance and Compulsions Today — Need Support

Hey everyone, I’ve really been struggling today with avoidance and compulsions, and it’s thrown me off. Out of nowhere, after being pretty much compulsion-free for the last 5 months, these feelings have come rushing back. I don’t know why this is happening, but it’s been a tough day, and I’m really feeling it. I’d love some support or advice if anyone could help. Earlier, I tried to work through it by journaling. I wrote down all my thoughts and feelings, hoping it would help clear my mind. But then, this fear hit me out of nowhere—I got scared that I might have written something “bad” in my journal. The urge was so strong that I ended up tearing out the pages. It’s like I couldn’t even trust myself with my own thoughts. Then, I tried to distract myself by watching a TV show. But whenever I reach a certain scene in the episode I’m on, I start feeling like I wasn’t paying enough attention to it or that somehow, in that moment, I did something wrong. So, I rewind it back to the beginning to check, and this has happened over and over today. It’s reached the point where I’m now afraid to even keep watching the show. It’s been a tough day trying to make sense of all this. If anyone has been through something similar or has any advice on how to manage these moments, I’d really appreciate hearing from you. I’m feeling a bit lost right now and could use some support. Thank you for reading. ❤️

aliengurl

Date posted: 49w

I really relate to this. I went a while without compulsions and they all came rushing back. It's truly frustrating and disappointing after feeling better and empowered by winning for months. In those moments I try to remember everything I've learned and not "redo" anything. I'm not going to lie it's been extremely hard and that just isn't enough. Try to smart small and do something such as writing a triggering word on paper and resisting the urge to rip it out or say it out loud as ERP. You can always go back and rip it out later although that is obviously a compulsion. I've used neutralization A LOT to help me get through ocd episodes. It's helped in the moment but it's also not the "correct" way to beat this. It's so hard to just sit through the anxiety because that really could last for days or weeks. I truly don't know how to fully beat this 😔

AaronB1111

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 49w

@aliengurl Honestly, it is actually so upsetting. I am so sorry to hear you are going through something similar 😞 I actually just had a good conversation with my therapist and I will share what she said. Honestly, after the day I had, I feel so much more confident about managing OCD now! OCD will try to do whatever it can to keep us in the cycle. We have to remember that OCD is a liar and a bully. No matter what thoughts, feelings, urges, images, sensations that OCD tries to throw at us, we need to remember that these are NOT dangerous! They might be unwanted and uncomfortable, but they are NOT dangerous. I think we both need to look at situations like this as opportunities instead of setbacks. Opportunities to utilise the tools and skills we have learnt, to help us grow into stronger and healed versions of ourselves! We both got this! Just remember, OCD has tried these tricks on us so many times before, it’s no different now! Neither of us are falling for these tricks anymore! We got this! ❤️😎

aliengurl

Date posted: 49w

@AaronB1111 I love that reply! I am definitely trying to look at these instances as real life exposure and "opportunities" to fight back. I will try to keep reminding myself of that. Hopefully one day we will never have to be startled by an intrusive thought again. My therapy session is on Thursday. I hope I can feel more confident by then ♥️

AaronB1111

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 49w

@aliengurl You got this! Honestly, this is what I normally say whenever I start to feel anxious or distressed: “It’s a nice try OCD, but you have tried this 1000x before, I am not falling for it again!” Then I just sit with the anxiety and discomfort until it passes naturally! I hope this helps you! And I wish you the best of luck with your therapy on Thursday! You will be absolutely fine! We just need to remember that we cannot give into OCD!

Flower1004

Date posted: 25w

It’s been getting worse..

Just sorta to vent and maybe get advice… I normally struggle with OCD and other MH/ medical issues.. I’ve sorta become acclimated to the stress, pain, mind games, and constant perfectionism. I thought I had it under control but this OCD has just been creeping back in small ways over time. I’ve caught myself doing behaviors and not feeling able to stop it. (This is combo of OCD but not sure how to categorize it all) - compulsively counting body movements til it’s the right number and feeling - adjusting papers/rewritten notes numerous times - irrational thoughts of my new pup being dead when I check on her - irrational thoughts that I don’t love my partner or he doesn’t love me after almost 10 years - every plate, cup, utensil has to be properly inspected before being able to use it - food can not have day of expiration (or even close to it) or a weird look or smell = it is inedible - recent close call accident led to dread driving and constant thoughts of a crash even though I did what I could and didn’t crash The list just keeps going.. but it has simply been a struggle that has lead me to feeling self conscious, unprofessional, childish, ashamed, and crazy. It’s a hard thing to accept that this has begun to return after finding ways to cope and manage in the past. I am struggling with finding ways to cope with it all cuz it is constantly disturbing my relationship, work, and personal well being Well that’s my truth for the day

nothanksnott...

Date posted: 19w

Could use some support, please?

False memory OCD is such a pest. It’s really hard to deal with the feelings of certainty and anxiety, trying to discern if things are false memories or real memories, what if they’re real memories, what if my OCD is right, what if because my OCD was right about one thing it’s also right about this thing, what if it knows something I don’t or haven’t realized yet, what if the real memory it’s taking from is actually false and the false memory is true. And it’s worse because the theme and false memory is so high stakes and it’s terrifying to consider what if it’s actually true and the consequences, but that only feeds the OCD, and it doesn’t help that I keep mentally prodding at it to see if the feelings of certainty are still there. It makes the false memories seem so real, and it’s like it wants me to admit the false memory actually happened when I don’t know that it did, and I’ll never know. I try to sit with the uncertainty but my OCD makes this feel so real and it creates so much certainty that this did happen that it’s so hard to keep telling myself that I don’t know, that this could be a real memory or it might not be and I’ll never know, and to remember that this came up a few days ago and I was pretty sure it was a false memory and I was handling it. Like remembering the false memory made it an actual memory. I have no idea if any of this makes any sense - it’s getting so meta lol. Reading all of this, it’s no wonder it’s so hard to sit with the uncertainty about if it’s a real memory or false. It’s been on my mind over the last week, too, which probably doesn’t help things, because the deeper I try to delve into it, the more complicated it becomes, and trying to point out that logically, it doesn’t make any sense, doesn’t help because my OCD comes up with scenarios and what-ifs and ways that this could have happened. It’s really tough to sit with when my OCD is so convinced this is true and it wants me to be convinced, too. I could really use some support, validation, encouragement, anything. If you made it this far, thanks for reading - please take care of yourselves. ❤️🤗

Holl1

Date posted: 16w

OCD

I’ve tried living in the uncertainty today & kept myself busy but I can’t shake this feeling that I’m about to lose control & act on my thoughts. I keep feeling like I need to check in to see how I feel & keep my self safe & when I’m near my trigger it feels like I’m being pulled into doing it & feels like I want to but I’m not using compulsions. My thoughts feel like my own & feeling like I’ll be like this forever. Can someone relate or give advice 😩

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Struggling with Avoidance and Compulsions Today — Need Support

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