How do you accept it? +21

I guess the hardest part is accepting that I really did mess up badly. That this is something that has hurt me and has not benefitted my life. I also worry about real events that bother me a lot. I guess accepting the guilt and the maybe maybe not is someone I have to incorporate into my routine. That's just really hard when it's very serious things. My OCD tells me I've committed sexual assault or did illegal things in the past and I'm left in uncertainty.

@BigGyro09 Yeah. Trust me I know exactly how you feel. With time it gets better. But being honest with yourself and leaning into the uncertainty can help. And give yourself grace. People make mistakes, even bad ones, and they're still mistakes. It is hard. Especially when it comes to relationships, but it really does take trial and tolerance. 😭 and a trusted therapist, if you have one. You don't even have to be specific on what your events are, because OCD themes are almost all treated the same: with exposure therapy. Generic response maybe but it does help 😅 even in small doses.

@Northern_Downpour It's really easy to believe the logical things but what I've noticed is that I think the opposite, unhelpful way so many times that I'm just so used to it. Feels like this event is different but that's something we've both heard before. I can explain how it all happened. It's just hard actually lean in with the uncertainty.

@BigGyro09 OCD is never logical :'D I learned that the hard way. You could have cold hard facts and still form an obsession. But yeah, leaning in with uncertainty I learned is really hard with morality based obsessions or otherwise 'taboo' obsessions. Because, it feels like accepting your worst fear. But that's black and white thinking.

@Northern_Downpour Yeah, that's exactly what it feels like. The most annoying thing about dealing with this is sort of knowing that it's nonsense but you can't move past how it feels. I can't stand that. I guess all I can do is disengage anything to do with it.

@BigGyro09 Same ... honestly, my morality ocd and real event ocd makes me feel tainted or stained. It sucks. But I just keep moving and try to put more good into the world than bad.

@Northern_Downpour I'm 100% with you on that. I guess I OCD just makes it harder to move on and not be filled with anxiety all the time. That one event I told you about, I still think about it all the time and it will bothers me but I just try to separate it from who I really am like hansym said. I really do want to believe that but it's like OCD won't let me. How have you been though? I hope things have been good

@BigGyro09 To be honest, not the greatest. My anxiety is pretty treatment resistant and medication doesnt really work. my fatigue hasn't been doing me any favors. OCD really takes a lot out of me every second of the day, I guess I'm just going through a down period. That's the way life goes sometimes. I hope you've been alright? It sounds like we both could use a break, lol.

@Northern_Downpour I'm so sorry to hear that your medication isn't working... :( Do you happen to know why that is? Has it ever worked to begin with? I've been up and down, but I've been okay for now. Truthfully it feels like the goal post for how I used to feel pre OCD just keeps moving further and further, but I'm just really trying to give myself the care I need. I hope you've been feeling alright at any point in the month or the summer at least.

Well, this stuff is still an issue for me to this day and while I understand I didn't have an understanding of things like I do now as a teen, this stuff is still hard to get away from. It feels like that side of me is still there and I feel horrible because of it. I'm working to stay one step ahead, though it can be very overwhelming at random times.

@BigGyro09 - Another proof that now you is not back then him. For him it wasn't an issue, for you it is. I would direct my energy to educate the new generation about what he did and the issue it creates for you. I bet there are plenty of nonprofits working in this area you can volunteer in it. This would be your repentance from what he did, and a step if not a leap forward. What do you think?

@hanysm@gmail.com I think that would be great. I've sometimes thought about how I could express my experience with this and how it could help others. There are plenty of organizations that are in favor of what I believe in. I just can't shake the mental and physical scars this leaves.

@BigGyro09 - Trust me, when you see souls you saved by your talks and actions, it will wipe the scared past to again clean one.. Just do it and don't wait for shaking anything. This is the way to repent. See there is good in everything. Maybe God wanted you to have OCD, do to help others who are not OCD, but blinded and can slide down the same pit. Go do it, and good luck to you

@hanysm@gmail.com That would also help. To see the good in everything that's happened. I've realized this is not the standard I want for my life and that bad things can happen I guess.