Hey guys, I had a thought or something I was doing that had a negative impact on me. Now I have anxiety because I cannot remember what the heck it was! I was doing so good until now. Now I have anxiety and am scared!
lol, I totally understand. I often have thoughts that I need to fix or think I need to fix, and then I forget what they are! It happens every so often. Then I spend a bunch of time trying to remember what I was thinking
me too. i sometimes have a bad ocd thought but then forget it right away (which is actually progress!! the fact you don’t remember is SO good even though it’s scary) but then i spend so long ruminating trying to figure out what it was. i say to try and think about how if you forgot about it, it must not have been a big deal!!! it’s honestly so nice you got a break from that thought! i know it’s so hard but that’s what i tell myself
These past few days I was fine. Minimal intrusive thoughts ,no anxiety etc(to add I'm on medication so maybe it's starting to work although it barely is 2 weeks) and today I got a sudden wave of anxiety and it started latching on some thoughts like" what if I'm in denial and I wanna break up with my bf? And what if erp doesn't work for me because I actually wanna break up with my bf?" But they didn't really stay long usually those thoughts would make me spiral for days or so, now they lasted for some hours. And now I'm trying to trigger myself into being anxious again because if I don't it means I don't have ocd and if I don't have ocd it means I don't love my bf and if I don't love my bf it means I have to break up. Idk if it makes sense but the lack of anxiety makes me wonder if I actually have ocd or not.
When I talk about how terrible I used to be to my girlfriend it makes me feel like I’m gonna do it again which I don’t wanna do and it scares me and then I get intrusive thoughts and feelings about it doing it but I don’t want to, weird I know.
I look back at various past events in my life where I said or did things that I feel really guilty, disgusted, and ashamed about. I replay them in my head for hours. I feel anxious about crossing paths with people that I've hurt or upset in the past or who perceive me badly, to the point that I will avoid going out in public as much as possible. I go out for work, errands, appointments, and occasionally to eat (even though those all give me a lot of anxiety), but I avoid community events where people might recognize me and I tend to isolate myself. The only people I see regularly are my boyfriend, my parents, and my coworkers. I live in a small community and I'm worried about people confronting me publicly and proving what a bad person I must be.
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