Fear of being alone

@hanysm@gmail.com I agree with the issue could be a lot my own perspective. Like I said I’m not confident. I’m very fearful. I agree also with what you said about, when you start to believe in yourself opportunities will naturally arise. I also want to say I don’t believe in victim mentality and I don’t want to sound like I’m blaming everything on my parents or circumstances. I know I still have choices I can make by myself. But I will say, every time I tried to do something for myself my father would try to sabotage it. I had a really great group of friends. The first group I have ever had of true friends really. Basically, some bad things happen and those people aren’t in my life anymore. It was just a series of unfortunate events I guess. But my father would always put them down and act like I was so much better than them or I didn’t need them. He would try to sabotage my relationships with them. I’m not trying to get play the blame game or victimize myself I’m just stating the facts. I live in constant fear now after having so many things sabotaged by my father. I have my drivers license but I don’t have my own car. So when I’m not at work I just sit at home and do nothing with zero friends and zero contact with the outside world. Today I wanted to go to church but my dad said he already had plans for something else so he couldn’t stay very long. I do have other relatives. My mom is nicer at times but she is an enabler and acts like my dad is some perfect saint when he’s absolutely tortured (not physically) all four of his children. My brothers are kinder but they just don’t see the problem. They also have their own lives. My dad has tortured me my whole life and isolated me more than my brothers. He wouldn’t teach me how to drive until I was 22 then said it was my fault. I wanted to get a car this summer but he wouldn’t let me even though I was going to pay with the money I had saved up. I’m 24 and have no friends. I was doing great at work before. I was very successful. But then he upped his torture by like ten times. Im not doing as well now. I’m so depressed. He constantly tries to publicly humiliate and embarrass me. He drives me to work and does whatever he can to embarrass me. He doesn’t even have a job and hasn’t had one for ten years. My mom is the breadwinner of the family but then my dad tries to act like he’s a good “Christian” man which is crazy because he doesn’t even provide for his family. He cheats on my mom and has affairs with other women. Then he tried to tell me I was ungodly and that I was evil for not wanting to be a teacher. He manipulated me into thinking it was God’s will for me to be a teacher. I believe in God but what he said wasn’t true. It was a lie. Now I just live in constant fear. He’s constantly torturing me way more than he ever did with my brothers. My brothers got to have friends, learn how to drive, and learn how to provide for themselves. I’m happy for my brothers truly. I want them to be happy and successful. My older brother is in the navy and has a family. My younger brother is 19 and he can drive, he has a job, a car, he goes to college and is getting a businesses degree, he has friends and works out at night. Those things I couldn’t even do right now at 24 years old! I used to have that friend group and they made me so happy that was just a few months ago. I’ve started to enjoy being around my coworkers at my new job. But I am just so fearful now. I live in constant fear because my father like I said has upped the torture like ten times. I don’t know what to do. You seem to have really good advice. Anything else you can think of?

@brooksisanxious - Since you're around the same age as my daughter, I'll approach this conversation as if I'm talking to her. I noticed you've mentioned fear several times. Could you share what specifically you're afraid of? Is it related to your dad and his actions, the idea of being independent, or perhaps the decision to move out of the house?

@hanysm@gmail.com - Here's an idea: As a teacher, consider applying for teaching positions in a major city that you prefer or is nearby. Big cities often offer better public transportation options, reducing the need for a car. Once you secure a job, you can move and begin your new journey. I'm still curious to know what concerns or fears you might have ?.

@hanysm@gmail.com Well this summer I became very afraid. Because I realized that my parents did not seem to love me because they always tried to sabotage everything I do. I would say there is one major thing I’m afraid of. I’m afraid they lied to me about my faith. God has always been my rock and gotten me through the bad times in life. And for a while. I did believe it was God’s will for me to be a teacher and that gave me hope and it was like I knew exactly what I should do with my life. Right now I’m so afraid because I don’t know if what they taught me was real and what was lie to manipulate me. I’m also scared of making my own decisions living alone because I’m scared of making mistakes. My teaching degree is from a college that’s not accredited so I can only teach at small Christian schools mostly nearby. I’m scared of believing in anything because I’m scared about, “what if that belief is wrong?”. I’m scared to make any choice because I’m scared what if that choice is wrong. I’m afraid of leaving my family that is familiar to me because I’m afraid that God will not be pleased with me. I’m afraid of going to live on my own. As I’ve had a few more jobs recently, and lived more in the real world I absolutely loved it! I loved being around people and I was so happy. But my perfectionist OCD got in the way. I worked at a secular workplace and all my other jobs had been at Christian schools. But I liked this job way more. But my religious OCD was trying to say it wasn’t good enough and it wasn’t perfect enough to work here in a secular environment. So it’s like my religious ocd brain wants me to go back to being a Christian school teacher even though this is the opposite of what I want. But my brain is telling me if I try to make it on my own and go out into the real world I’m going to lose my faith and go to hell. But the thing is even if I did get a Christian school teaching position nearby it could still help me because I could still be saving up money to move out. Also in the group of Christian schools I work for they have networking for other Christian schools all over the country. The problem is it’s hard, nearly impossible to live on a teachers salary. So what I’m afraid of is this, I’m afraid that everything I ever know and thought was true was a lie. So I have no security asking my parents for help now. I have no one to ask for help. I don’t know what to do.

@hanysm@gmail.com I will also say I have very bad OCD. Although I mentioned my parents didn’t teach my how to drive until I was older, I also feared learning how to drive myself. And I still fear driving now. So I have OCD towards a lot of things. Especially religious OCD. So the idea of leaving the house make me it even harder just to function while I live at this house. Also I wanted to say thank you so much for your help. I am so thankful for your insights!💕🙏🏻

@brooksisanxious - My dear, first and foremost, understand that many people share and experience what you're going through. You're not alone. Second, I recognize your concerns and fears, and I assure you they are legitimate and, to some extent, normal. What could become problematic is if you allow them to hold you back. From my perspective, and according to our shared faith in The One God, I see Him as the source of all knowledge and the sole custodian of truth and certainty. I accept that due to my limitations, I will always live in an uncertain world. However, I couple my faith in The One who is All-Knowing with the belief that He is also All-Loving and Merciful. Therefore, I submit to His will and plan for my future. I focus on the present moment, placing my trust and reliance in Him as I take action. If the results are favorable, then it was meant to be; if not, I readjust and try again. This is simply what life is about, my daughter. As for your parents, please forgive them. I don't believe they intended any harm with their actions; they were likely just being overprotective of you. Know that you have a friend here, and you can reach out anytime. May God bless you and yours

@brooksisanxious - One more thing. Did you consider enrollment in accredited school, and apply to financial aid and/or grants?

@hanysm@gmail.com Yes I wanted to go to a state school. My dad wanted me to go the unaccredited Christian school.

@brooksisanxious - You can apply independently and attend. You are adult and can file on your own. Also there are plenty of online programs, so he doesn't need to know.

@hanysm@gmail.com I agree. I have considered that recently! I thought about going for a business degree or cybersecurity degree. He does know now but it’s okay I think I still might be able to do it.

@brooksisanxious - You have what it takes! As far as career advice goes, I recommend pursuing teaching. Why begin from square one and search for a job without any experience? With teaching, you already have the experience; all you need is the degree, and you're ready to go. Plus, you can work while studying. It sounds like a solid plan. So, when will you take action instead of just thinking about it?

@hanysm@gmail.com I see where you’re coming from with pursuing teaching.The only problem is that public schools have a lot more behavior problems with teaching and also it’s hard to live on a teacher’s salary. Right now I am taking steps towards my independence by working two jobs. I want to work on my degree soon but I’m working the two jobs right now to pay for a car. But I do see where you’re coming from with getting a teaching degree. I just don’t know if I could teach at a public school and also I don’t like having to bring my work home. As a teacher there’s lots of at home prep for the next day. But there’s a college nearby that I might be able to get a business degree from. But I will consider the idea of getting a teaching degree since you mentioned it. Again I think you for all your advice and encouragement!

@brooksisanxious - Consider teaching overseas—it's an opportunity for better pay, tax-free income, and the chance to explore a new country and start fresh. The sky's the limit, dear. Spread your wings and fly! You can do it. I'm so happy and proud to know a brave young woman like you. It's time to take action; there's no time to waste. Please keep me in your prayers, especially when you're in a better position. I'll do the same for you.

@hanysm@gmail.com Thank you very much. And that’s a great idea! I’m glad to know a kind person like you as well. I will keep you in my prayers and God bless you!